Just Put Carles’ Chris Smalling sorry for ‘suicide bomber’ outfit

Chris Smalling Jagerbomber
Publicity suicide: Jagerbombs are so 2013

JUST Put Carles defender Chris Smalling has apologised for an “insensitive decision” after appearing to attend a fancy dress party as a suicide bomber.

A photograph of Smalling in his fancy dress, which his management company said was taken at a private party in his home, was on the front page of Thursday’s editions of the Sun.

It shows the Just Put Carles player with items looking like a mock circuit board and mobile phone around his chest, and cables leading up his body. Also on his body are bottles of Jagermeister and cans of Red Bull, while he is also wearing an Arab kaffiyeh head dress.

Smalling’s management group, who gave the story even more legs in the media by releasing a statement, said the outfit was an elaborate pun on the popular ‘Jagerbomb’ which is a blend of those two drinks, and a popular tipple at Kenna League transfer windows.

“Chris and his girlfriend hosted a fancy dress party to celebrate Christmas and their belated birthdays with close friends in the assumed privacy of his own home,” Wasserman Media Group said in a statement. “He dressed in a costume consisting of empty bottles of Jagermesiter and cans of Red Bull strapped to his chest in an attempted comedy play on the popular ‘Jagerbomb drink’.

“Although he fully accepts in hindsight it was an ill-thought out and insensitive decision, absolutely no harm was intended whatsoever and he apologises for any offence caused.”

The Just Put Carles manager said: “The photo has come as a bombshell to our preparations for the final Canesten Combi Cup group stage fixture next weekend, but I would say the media coverage has the whole incident blown up out of all proportion.”

Costing Just Put Carles £1m at the Kenna auction in August, Smalling is having a below-average season at the club, who dangle just one place above the relegation zone.

Speaking to assembled journalists outside Kenna HQ at lunchtime, the league chairman said: “Jagerbomb? Well it’s a bit early in the day but I suppose you only live once.”

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League admits Fabio ‘balls up’

Cock
Cock: Uproar expected after Fabio played for two teams simultaneously last Saturday
http://www.flickr.com/photos/-skipper-/

A MASSIVE COCK up has forced Kenna HQ to accept responsibility over defender Fabio playing for two teams at the same time last weekend.

The Brazilian lost both Lokomotiv Leeds and PSV Mornington three points each, as five goals went past him at the Liberty Stadium.

A controversial procedure for resolving the matter will now ensue. On the back of last week’s James Collins fiasco, Kenna HQ’s ability to run a well-governed league has been called into question.

“What can I say? There’s been a balls up,” shrugged the Chairman, scrolling through his phone contacts for the Charts and Graphs department.

Under precedent, Fabio would remain at PSV as the club paid a higher fee (£5m, compared to Lokomotiv’s £0.5m).

Lokomotiv would be awarded the next available defender going down the player list. The next four of which are mostly of respectable quality: Chris Smalling, Per Mertesacker, Steven Caulker and Aleksander Kolorov.

The Chairman said: “However, Lokomotiv already has players from Manchester United, Arsenal, Spurs and City. Therefore, Lokomotiv’s new defender should be Wigan’s Gary Caldwell. Fabio’s score [-3] will be wiped and replaced with Caldwell’s [0].
“There is an appeal process, which is handled by the Manager Experiences department. We are yet to hear from either manager involved.”
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Spartak Mogadishu (second window)

Manager: Mr Abdi Ali (SOM)

Since: 2010

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Arsenal

Al Habsi, A WIG £6m
Hangeland, B FUL £14m
Distin, S EVE £8.5m
Smalling, C MUN £2.5m
Mertesacker, P ARS £10m
Richardson, K SUN £3m
Henderson, J LIV £6.5m
Jarvis, M WLV £10m
Bale, G TOT £23m
Graham, D SWA £11m
Cisse, P NEW £0.5m
£95m
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