Pikey Scum

Manager: Jack (Hampshire)

Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)

Last season: 9th

Trophy cabinet: Cup at some point (best league finish – 5th in 2010/11), 2006 Claudio Caniggia World Cup winner

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts music: I’m A Pikey – Enrique Iglesias

Outlook: With the exception of £8m Stewart Downing, the Pikey manager seems to have assembled a side capable of making a first successful assault on the title. Will have a tough decision come the first transfer window, when he’ll have to jettison either Bale or Adebayor

No Brambles.

Vorm, M SWA £9.5m
Jones, P MUN £12m
Huth, R STO £5m
Cahill, G CHE £7.5m
Boyce, E WIG £0.5m
Allen, J LIV £10m
Walcott, T ARS £15m
Granero, E APR £0.5m
Brunt, C WBA £4m
Anichebe, V EVE £5m
Fletcher, S SUN £30m
 Total £99m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out     In
De Ridder, S (B) SOT £15m Allen, J LIV £10m
El Ahmadi, K AVL £3m Granero, E QPR £0.5m
Pogrebnyak, P REA £8.5m Anichebe, V EVE £5m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out     In
de Gea, D MUN £19m Vorm, M SWA £9.5m
Sagna, B ARS £11m Jones, P MUN £12m
Bale, G TOT £30m De Ridder, S (B) SOT £15m
Downing, S LIV £8m Walcott, T ARS £15m
Adebayor, E TOT £0.5m Fletcher, S SUN £30m
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Make Party

Manager: Stix

Nationality: England

Domestic club side: Vasco De Beauvoir

Tournament history:

  • Doctor Khumalo 2010 World Cup: Winner (out of 15)
  • John Jensen 2008 Euros: 5th (out of eight)
  • Claudio Caniggia 2006 World Cup: Last (out of eight)


(‘TB’ denotes forfeit player awarded under the Titus Bramble Ruling)

Akinfeev, I Russia £8.5m
Boateng, J Germany £0.5m
Corluka, V Croatia £1.5m
Wasilewski, M Poland £0.5m
Réveillère, A France £0.5m
Nani Portugal £15m
Downing, S (TB) England £0.5m
Maggio, C Italy £15m
Sneijder, W Holland £30m
Keane, R Rep of Ireland £5m
Shevchenko, A Ukraine £5m
Total £82m
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Everybody Gdansk Now

Manager: Ben

Nationality: England

Domestic club side: Newington Reds

Tournament history:

  • Doctor Khumalo 2010 World Cup: did not enter
  • John Jensen 2008 Euros: 2nd (out of eight)
  • Claudio Caniggia 2006 World Cup: 3rd (out of eight)


Casillas, I Spain £18m
Johnson, G England £7m
Hubnik, R Czech Republic £8m
Mellberg, O Sweden £12m
Hummels, M Germany £18m
Debuchy, M France £0.5m
Srna, D Croatia £7m
Ninis, S Greece £2m
Meireles, R Portugal £4.5m
Bendter, N Denmark £10m
Lewandowski, R Poland £13m
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Kenna ‘probably wanted’ to be in bag

Old bag
Bag: Experts say the Kenna would have been forced in by a third party

THE CHAMPIONSHIP title may have wanted to padlock itself into a bag because current managers are so inept, it emerged today at the Kenna-in-the-bag inquiry.

The panel heard chilling evidence from the 2006 Claudio Caniggia World Cup, which attempted to padlock itself into a bag in the aftermath of the controversial tournament.

“The group stages went well, but then the newspaper stopped printing the scores. The administration tried to deal with it by waiting until after the final and getting all the player totals from some random Yank sports website. I felt completely devalued. It was an utter clusterf*ck,” said the Caniggia after the inquiry had watched video evidence of the tournament trying to lock itself in a holdall in 2007.

The panel heard that the Kenna title could have resorted similar actions.

“The mediocre managers in the league today? Their naive auction tactics? I wouldn’t be surprised if this season’s championship had wanted to be in the bag,” stated the Caniggia, fighting back the tears.

Experts maintain that it’s unlikely the Kenna could have got into the bag itself, and that it must have been forced in by a third party.

The inquiry continues.

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