Danny Graham survives scrape with Pirates

Pirates plank
Released: When the Pirates realised Danny Graham was no longer eligible for the Kenna League they tossed him off (credit: Pirate Johnny).

By the Still Don’t Know Yet manager

A FLEET of Royal Navy ships has been deployed off the north east coast in an attempt to ward off the possibility of further pirate attacks following the brief abduction of a Middlesbrough football player.

Danny Graham had only just transferred to Boro from Kenna League team Still Don’t Know Yet when the incident happened on Friday night.

A pirate raiding party sailed up the River Tees to the club’s Riverside Stadium, where a landing party disembarked, captured the striker, and took him back on board.

However, after realising that Graham was ineligible to play for anyone but Middlesbrough (and useless at football so of little use for ransom), he was swiftly released almost as suddenly as he was captured.

“Yaaarrrrr, t’was an administrative error,” said a pirate spokesman as their ship sailed back towards Somalia.

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Dynamo Charlton

Manager: Alex (Surrey)

Twitter name: @alexbass75

Since: 2011

Last season: 12th

Trophy cabinet: Olisadebe Euro 2012 winner

Sympathies: Charlton Athletic

Darts music: Entry of the Gladiators

Outlook: The Olisadebe Euro 2012 champion manager is yet to prove himself in ‘the best league in the world’, and with £40m on the front two he’s really had to gamble with the rest of side. Considering his poor outing in Poland, Given for £13m wasn’t a great start.

No Brambles.

Guzan, B AVL £4m
Taylor, S NEW £5m
Mertesacker, P ARS £19m
Reid, W WHM £7.5m
Caulker, S TOT £6m
Oscar CHE £5.5m
Snodgrass, R NOR £6.5m
Dyer, N SWA £10m
Carrick, M MUN £2.5m
Graham, D SWA £10m
Tevez, C MCY £30m
 Total £106

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out     In
Cuellar, C SUN £4m Mertesacker, P ARS £19m
The Ox ARS £8.5m Dyer, N SWA £10m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out     In
Given, S AVL £13m Guzan, B AVL £4m
Young, L SUN £4m Reid, W WHM £7.5m
Upson, M STO £2.5m Caulker, S TOT £6m
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Spartak Mogadishu (second window)

Manager: Mr Abdi Ali (SOM)

Since: 2010

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Arsenal

Al Habsi, A WIG £6m
Hangeland, B FUL £14m
Distin, S EVE £8.5m
Smalling, C MUN £2.5m
Mertesacker, P ARS £10m
Richardson, K SUN £3m
Henderson, J LIV £6.5m
Jarvis, M WLV £10m
Bale, G TOT £23m
Graham, D SWA £11m
Cisse, P NEW £0.5m
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