Window watch

Form: Demba Ba and Juan Mata have both been in the points

BINOCULARS trained on the bedroom of next door’s saucy, late-30s divorcee can scarcely produce such a fascinating window as the dilemma facing one Kenna manager in the build up to 1 February’s transfer night.

Demba Ba’s move from the Big Market to Fulham Broadway leaves the PSV Mornington boss in the unenviable position of choosing between the goal hungry African or the twinkle-toed creativity of Juan Mata.

Under Kenna rules, no manager may have two players from the same Premier League club, and PSV must release either the Senegalese or the Spaniard come the 12pm deadline on Wednesday 30 January.

“El més calent és a l’aigüera. I’ll not make up my mind until the deadline, yo no soy mañana,” riddled the PSV manager, a proud Catalan who once tried to gain managerial inspiration by locking himself in his office for six days with nothing but a carton of moody Iberian cigarettes, a tub of arroz con leche and a cardboard cutout of Pep Guardiola.

At the prospect of the coveted signature of either Ba or Mata to boost their campaign, Kenna managers will be monitoring the situation in the window more closely than a teenage boy surveilling a rough and ready tradesman’s visit to the neighbourhood cougar.

Faced with a similar quandary – albeit child’s play in comparison – between Daniel Sturridge and Jordan Henderson, and with no other Chelsea players in his side, fellow Catalan the Just Put Carles manager is a strong suitor.

If Demba Ba or Juan Mata joined JPC it would be a major coup for the manager after losing out in last season’s bitter midtable ‘Cat’-fight to his rival at PSV, and go someway towards closing the 39-point gap between the two clubs.

League table

Week 20 - 15 January 2013
Week 20 – 15 January 2013

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 42 2
2 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 33 2
3 Piedmonte Phil 32 3
4 Bala Rinas Lewis 30 2
5 Northern Monkeys Hugo 29 1
6 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 29 1
7 Newington Reds Dudley 27 0
8 Pikey Scum Jack 25 1
9 PSV Mornington El Pons 25 0
10 Woking Mike 24 1
11 Greendale Rockets Stu 24 0
12 Wandsworth Window Lickers Will 24 0
13 Just put Carles Carles 23 1
14 Judean Peoples’ Front Sholto 22 0
15 Vasco De Beauvoir Stix 21 0
16 FC Testicluadew James N 18 0
17 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 18 0
18 Dynamo Charlton Alex 16 0
19 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 16 0
20 Headless Chickens John N 15 0
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PSV Mornington

Manager: El Pons (Catalunya)

Since: 2009

Last season: 10th

Trophy cabinet: empty (best finish – 9th in 2009/10)

Sympathies: Barcelona

Darts music: La Bamba – Ritchie Valens

Outlook: A lower mid-table club, and from the looks of this offering, lower mid-table ambition. A hotch potch back five and, £28m Mata and £17m Ba aside, a team that used to be sort of promising. Leiva’s a holding midfielder returning from long injury, just two goals were scored from Delap throw ins last season and Noble’s out of touch at this level. Gabby Agbonlahor? Didn’t he play for England once?

(B) = player awarded under the Titus Bramble ruling.

de Gea, D MUN £0.5m
Ramis, I WIG £0.5m
Chico SWA £6m
Sagna, B ARS £10m
Lescott, J MCY £0.5m
Mata, J CHE £28m
Noble, M WHM £8m
Sidwell, S FUL £8m
McClean, J SUN £0.5m
Agbonlahor, G AVL £7m
Jones, K STO £0.5m
 Total £69.5m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out     In
Bosingwa, J QPR £10m Lescott, J MCY £0.5m
Sahin, N LIV £7m McClean, J SUN £0.5m
Ba, D CHE £17m Jones, K STO £0.5m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out     In
Gazzaniga, P (B) SOT £4.5m de Gea, D MUN £0.5m
Heitinga, J EVE £6m Ramis, I WIG £0.5m
Senderos, P FUL £5m Chico SWA £6m
Fabio QPR £5m Sagna, B ARS £10m
Brown, W SUN £3m Bosingwa, J QPR £10m
Delap, R STO £0.5m Sidwell, S FUL £8m
Leiva, L LIV £0.5m Sahin, N LIV £7m
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Newington Reds (second window)

Manager: Mr Ben Dudley (ENG)

Since: 2005 (founder member)

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Liverpool

Kenny, P QPR £0.5m
Shawcross, R STO £9m
Jones, P MUN £22m
Riise, J FUL £8m
Vermaelen, T ARS £3m
Formica, M BLR £1.5m
Cahill, T EVE £11m
Nasri, S MCY £18m
Sinclair, S SWA £1.5m
Ba, D NEW £11m
Long, S WBA £0.5m
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