Nothing to celebrate

Party popper
Step away from the party the popper: Celebrating goals is so 2012

A GARETH BALE goal was not enough to keep Bala Rinas from being dumped out of the Canesten Combi Cup.

Four hapless group game defeats left the side without a point, and with his team also struggling in the league the manager, yet to win a trophy in six years in Kenna, is under increasing pressure.

“People are saying that I’ve got no silverware, I can’t bring success to the club and I’ll never know the difference between riding the normal team coach and riding an open-top bus, but of course I knows the difference – one’s got a fcuking roof and one fcuking ‘asn’t,” sing songed the Welshman.

Bala Rinas weren’t the only ones not celebrating this week. Footballers are fashionable creatures, and a new craze has swept through the Kenna: not celebrating goals.

Cup results - 8 January 2013
Cup results – 8 January 2013

In Group D, Daniel Sturridge found the net to help Just Put Carles to their first cup win and a chance at the next round, but ‘out of respect’ the England striker did not cheer after scoring against his former club Lokomotiv Leeds.

Emmanuel Adebayor scored against Pikey Scum to give Newington Reds a vital lifeline in Group C, but the Togolese had moved to Reds from Scum in the October transfer window and refused to acknowledge the notch, even though he continues to don leisurewear from another former club.

In the other Group C match there were remarkable scenes at FC Testiculadew’s ground, the Death Star, where no players celebrated any of the eight goals in Sporting Lesbian’s 7-1 destruction of the hosts.

Hairy Fadjeetas, on the end of five-goal thrashing by Headless Chickens, were the only side to have the decency to avoid any awkward embarrassment by not scoring any goals at all.

The final cup game will be played on 29 January, where the top four from each group will go through to the last 16 knockout draw.

Teams below in yellow have already qualified, teams in red are out.

Group A - 8 January 2013
Group A – 8 January 2013
Group B - 8 January 2013
Group B – 8 January 2013
Group C - 8 January 2013
Group C – 8 January 2013
Group D - 8 January 2013
Group D – 8 January 2013

League table

Week 19 - 8 January 2013
Week 19 – 8 January 2013

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 66 7
2 Just put Carles Carles 54 4
3 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 54 1
4 Dynamo Charlton Alex 51 4
5 Headless Chickens John N 50 5
6 Northern Monkeys Hugo 49 3
7 Piedmonte Phil 48 2
8 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 46 1
9 PSV Mornington El Pons 45 3
10 Greendale Rockets Stu 42 1
11 Woking Mike 40 3
12 FC Testicluadew James N 40 1
13 Bala Rinas Lewis 38 1
14 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 38 0
15 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 37 3
16 Vasco De Beauvoir Stix 36 1
17 Newington Reds Dudley 35 1
18 Judean Peoples’ Front Sholto 33 1
19 Pikey Scum Jack 33 1
20 Wandsworth Window Lickers Will 29 1
Points Player
Player of the week 21 Suarez, L – LIV – STR
Club Sporting Lesbian
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Cannestan Combinations

Groups after four rounds
Only five teams know their cup destiny

Two teams qualified to the knockout stages of the Cannestan Combi Cup with a game to spare.

Dynamo Charlton and Headless Chickens progressed from their respective groups this week after winning all three of their opening fixtures.

Just Put Carles, Thieving Magpies and Spartak Mogadishu have all been eliminated. The latter two without scoring a single group-stage point.

The last group game results will be published in a fortnight. Here are the permutations:

Group A

Vasco De Beauvoir rely on the small miracle of beating Hairy Fadjeetas by 15 points and hoping Lokomotiv Leeds lose to a strongly-placed Young Boys of Kilburn.

Group B

Bala Rinas or Polonia Forsyth can go through, but only if one of them wins by a country mile and Newington Reds lose by one to Headless Chickens.

Group C

Having played all their games, Superfuzz will be hoping PSV Mornington lose to Dynamo Charlton. The Dan Terry Seduction need to slay Spartak Mogadishu to have any chance.

Group D

Judean Peoples’ Front need a Herculean effort against Lurliners and in-form FC Testiculadew to be taken to task by Pikey Scum.

Tie break
Tie breaker: What better way?

Rules clarification

If two teams finish the group stage on equal cup points and points difference, then whoever won the game between those two teams will go through. If that game was a draw, then the team with the most points ‘For’ will be deemed to be ahead.

If two teams finish with the same cup points, points difference, ‘For’ points and they drew their fixture, a tie break at the transfer night will decide the winner.

How fast can you neck a pint?

Round 4 results
Round 4 results
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