Lining up survival

Coke: Heart problems not a concern for Lurliners boss

AS UNSPECTACULAR debut seasons in the Kenna go, Lurliners‘ has been textbook.

Floating around the bottom half of the table since an early charge in autumn, the club have made a dwindling impact.

Goals this week from the unlikely duo Franco di Santo and Steven Fletcher alleviated relegation fears hanging over the outfit for the last few weeks.

Concern was beginning to emerge after long-term injuries to Steven Taylor, Kieron Gibbs and a Fabrice Muamba cardiac arrest, but the Lurliners manager hasn’t been letting pressure get the better of him.

“Relegation? Relegation? There’s not chance I’ll be relegated. My team will definitely stay up. Definitely! If I find anyone talking about relegation at the club I’ll tie them to a tree and put a gun to their head, see how they like pressure. The only thing we’re going out is to town, and we’ll have a great time. A great time! You’ll see. When are the girls getting here? Get on the phone!” said the Lurliners manager while pacing up and down his office, ice tinkling in his Jack and Coke, ordering Bradley Johnson to rack up another line.

Meanwhile, Papiss Demba Cissé is ridiculing his £0.5m January price tag.

“Yarrrr! He be a fine purchase,” said the Spartak Mogadishu manager, preparing his war chest to retain the striker in the summer auction.

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Weekly scores - 3 May 2012
Weekly scores – 3 May 2012
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