Kenna manager ‘work shy like junior doctors’

A KENNA League manager stands accused of ‘being a bigger job dodger than a junior doctor’ after failing to release players ahead of tomorrow’s first transfer window.

Judean Peoples’ Front was one of six clubs not to submit transfer requests to Kenna HQ this week.

“At 10th in the league you’d think the JPF boss would want to do business but he’s obviously been hanging around a junior doctor so long the lack of work ethic has caught on,” said the chairman in reference to the Welsh manager’s spouse.

“He’s probably outside where he’s supposed to be working making an awful din while his chances of a maiden Kenna title die choking on their own blood in the operating room surrounded by shrugging hospital porters.”

Under league rules, the JPF manager can make one wildcard release during tomorrow night’s auction.

Nine managers collected the £10m transfer bonus by sending their released players by post to Kenna HQ this week. A further six got £5m each for emailing them.

With £26.5m Burqini Pool Party head into tomorrow night’s window with the second biggest chest, no doubt covered by a controversial combination of lycra and religion.

An available player list will be emailed to managers ahead of the window.

The central London transfer night venue is yet to be decided.

Released players, remaining budgets

  1. Sleptember XI =32.5
  2. Burqini Pool Party – Pied, Darmian +10+16.5=26.5
  3. Tactical Brambler – Stuart Hall, Cathcart, Hojbjerg +10+13.5=23.5
  4. The treasurer – Mignolet, Mark Bridger, Bojan +10+13=23
  5. The chairman – Funes Mori, Adomah, Enner Valencia +10+12=22
  6. Cowley Casuals – Mannone, Mertesacker, Flannagan, Remy +10+9.5(ave)=19.5
  7. Wandsworth Network Solutions – Rahman, Wollschied, Sakho +10+9.5(ave)=19.5
  8. Young Boys – Baines, Routledge, Jimmy Savile, Rhodes +5+14=19
  9. Dynamo Charlton – Yoshida, Masauku, Deulofeu +10+8.5=18.5
  10. So Good They Named Him Twice – Moreno, Downing +10+8=18
  11. Sporting Lesbian =17
  12. Walthamstow Reds – Chilwell, Ake, Gabriel, Brunt, Nasri, Affelay +5+9.5(ave)=14.5
  13. Pikey Scum – Ayala, Depay, Feghouli, Okazaki +5+9.5(ave)=14.5
  14. Lokomotiv Leeds – Long, Borini +5+8=13
  15. Two Goals One Cup – Hart, Neil Taylor, Janssen, Lanzini, Wickham +10+2.5=12.5
  16. ISIL – none +10+0.5=10.5
  17. Just Put Carles =9.5
  18. Thieving Magpies – Vorm +5+4=9
  19. Team Panda – Gomis +5+2.5=7.5
  20. Piss Poor =6.5
  21. Northern Monkeys =2
  22. Judean Peoples’ Front =1

Kenna table week 7 – 4 October 2016

Kenna table week 7 - 4 October 2016
Kenna table week 7 – 4 October 2016
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