Lesbi show

Peep show
Michu has given a glimpse of his prowess

FOUR GOALS in three appearances for Spanish sensation Michu has gifted the Sporting Lesbian boss August’s Manager of the Month award.

The £2.5m attacking midfielder from Asturias has inspired the rest of the Lesbian side – apart from the injured Marko Marin, the rest of the team has contributed to their manager’s early success.

“We’re putting in some very good Lesbian performances. It’s really bringing the punters in,” said the Sporting boss, while taking delivery of a fresh batch of ping pong balls and listing the used ones for sale on a discreet, specialist website.

This time last season Just Put Carles were in a similar position, but could only end the season in a bitter lower mid-table dogfight.

The Kenna pump

  • £17m midfielder Rafael van der Vaart has moved to Germany. “Scheisse!” said the Peidmonte manager.
  • £500k defender Neil Taylor is out for the rest of the season with injury. “We’re not in crisis,” said the Greendale Rockets manager, whose also without Wayne Rooney.
  • Despite £35m Robin van Persie’s hat-trick and penalty fail, Still Don’t Know Yet are in trouble up front with £23m Mario Balotelli out with an eye injury. “He’s not looking so good,” quipped the SDKY gaffer.
  • £500k Lokomotiv Leeds midfielder Ryan Taylor is out until March with a cruciate injury
  • £1m Headless Chicken Andy Carroll is out for a month with a hamstring injury.
  • Just over a year after the FC Testiculadew manager signed him for £7m, Maicon has come to England.

League table

Kenna table - week 3
Kenna table – week 3

 

Weekly scores

    Manager Points Goals
1 FC Testicluadew James N 36 3
2 Piedmonte Phil 29 1
3 Northern Monkeys Hugo 28 2
4 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 27 1
5 Dynamo Charlton Alex 24 2
6 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 23 3
7 Bala Rinas Lewis 21 0
8 Just put Carles Carles 19 0
9 Vasco De Beauvoir Stix 18 1
10 Headless Chickens John N 17 1
11 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 17 1
12 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 17 1
13 Newington Reds Dudley 16 1
14 Wandsworth Window Lickers Will 16 1
15 Woking Mike 16 0
16 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 15 1
17 Judean Peoples’ Front Sholto 14 0
18 Greendale Rockets Stu 13 0
19 Pikey Scum Jack 10 0
20 PSV Mornington El Pons 5 0
         
    Points Player  
  Player of the week 15 van Persie, R – MUN – STR  
    Club Still Don’t Know Yet  
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Sporting Lesbian

Manager: Ben M (Cumbria)

Twitter name: @BenMarcangelo

Since: Debut

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: The Beverly Hills Cop theme

Outlook: Picked up the auction’s bargain Sergio Aguero for £12m, although devastating capabilities of the front two may be curtailed by casual racism. Very creative in midfield, but yet to be seen if Charles N’Somnia wakes up this term. No Brambles.

Foster, B WBA £6.5m
Gibbs, K ARS £15m
Santon, D NEW £4m
Wilson, M STO £2m
Figueroa, M WIG £0.5m
Diame, M WHM £10m
Ramirez, G SOT £5.5m
Holtby, L TOT £19m
Michu SWA £2.5m
Suarez, L LIV £36m
Aguero, S MCY £12m
Total £113m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out     In
Granero, E QPR £5.5m Diame, M WHM £10m
Sandro TOT £0.5m Holtby, L TOT £19m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out     In
Sessegnon, S SUN £13m Granero, E QPR £16m
N’Zogbia, C AVL £6.5m Ramirez, G SOT £5.5m
Marin, M CHE £0.5m Sandro TOT £0.5m
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