THE SOCIETY of Black Lawyers has waded into football matters yet again by lodging an official police complaint that tea is too milky at Kenna HQ.
Labelling the Kenna institutionally racist, the pressure group has linked the league’s alleged liberal use of dairy products to a fight in a Leicester nightclub and someone somewhere being called names.
Faced with an official police investigation, the Kenna League Chairman has been forced to defend the organisation in the media.
He said: “These accusations are baseless. I can’t stand milky tea and I won’t stand for it. The very thought that this kind of thing could be going on at the very heart of the Kenna makes me feel sick to the stomach.
“Why anyone would like milky tea – with its tepid, weak taste – is absolutely beyond me. Personally, I like to get something hot and black inside me first thing in the morning. I find nothing more exhilarating.”
Society of Black Lawyers Chairman Peter Herbert said: “The Luis Suarez and John Terry scandals over racism really highlighted just how much media coverage we could get for our cause. The problem now is that they’ve faded from the public eye, and so have we.
“We thought the incident involving Mark Clattenburg and John Obi Mikel might have legs, but nothing’s come of it, so really we’re just trying to jump of any bandwagon that will get me back on Sky News. Did I mention I’m available for after dinner speaking?”
Kenna diversity champion the Spartak Mogadishu manager rubbished claims that pigeonholing was rife in the league.
“Yarrrrr! Pigeonhaulin’? To be sure ye mean keelhaulin’, and every man in the league get a fair chance o’ that if he be crossin’ me,” said the swashbuckling Somali outside the club’s Spyglass Hill training facility.
The Kenna Chairman added: “Equality and diversity is very important to us and everyone has a right not to be victimised regardless of race, nationality, gender or sexual orientation.”
Fault-Les
Sporting Lesbian kicked off their attempt at the double with a thumping 5-0 win over Spartak Mogadishu in Canesten Combi Cup group C.
The only other team not to score a goal was Greendale Rockets, but fortunately for them Still Don’t Know Yet‘s Anton Ferdinand was there to put the ball into his own net.
League table
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 41 | 5 |
| 2 | Headless Chickens | John N | 38 | 2 |
| 3 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 36 | 3 |
| 4 | Judean Peoples’ Front | Sholto | 30 | 1 |
| 5 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 28 | 2 |
| 6 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 27 | 2 |
| 7 | Wandsworth Window Lickers | Will | 25 | 1 |
| 8 | Piedmonte | Phil | 24 | 2 |
| 9 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 23 | 1 |
| 10 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 23 | 1 |
| 11 | Woking | Mike | 22 | 2 |
| 12 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 21 | 2 |
| 13 | FC Testicluadew | James N | 21 | 0 |
| 14 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 19 | 1 |
| 15 | Vasco De Beauvoir | Stix | 19 | 1 |
| 16 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 18 | 0 |
| 17 | Just put Carles | Carles | 17 | 1 |
| 18 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 15 | 0 |
| 19 | Greendale Rockets | Stu | 14 | 0 |
| 20 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 13 | 1 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 15 | Suarez, L – LIV – STR | ||
| Club | Sporting Lesbian |
