Outlook: Shrewd auction business from the debutant, but questions remain over Edin Dzeko’s ability to hold down a starting place and whether Papiss Cisse’s can carry over the incredible form he displayed last season. Will the outcome of an FA investigation affect appearance points in defence?
AS UNSPECTACULAR debut seasons in the Kenna go, Lurliners‘ has been textbook.
Floating around the bottom half of the table since an early charge in autumn, the club have made a dwindling impact.
Goals this week from the unlikely duo Franco di Santo and Steven Fletcher alleviated relegation fears hanging over the outfit for the last few weeks.
Concern was beginning to emerge after long-term injuries to Steven Taylor, Kieron Gibbs and a Fabrice Muamba cardiac arrest, but the Lurliners manager hasn’t been letting pressure get the better of him.
“Relegation? Relegation? There’s not chance I’ll be relegated. My team will definitely stay up. Definitely! If I find anyone talking about relegation at the club I’ll tie them to a tree and put a gun to their head, see how they like pressure. The only thing we’re going out is to town, and we’ll have a great time. A great time! You’ll see. When are the girls getting here? Get on the phone!” said the Lurliners manager while pacing up and down his office, ice tinkling in his Jack and Coke, ordering Bradley Johnson to rack up another line.
Meanwhile, Papiss Demba Cissé is ridiculing his £0.5m January price tag.
“Yarrrr! He be a fine purchase,” said the Spartak Mogadishu manager, preparing his war chest to retain the striker in the summer auction.
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Despite the lack of seating there was no standing on ceremony at Friday’s auction.
Once the bidding was underway 30 players were sold in record time.
The high stakes of the Kenna aside early, managers were left to indulge in the comparatively risk-averse diversion of Leicester Square’s Empire Casino.
“An excellent turnout and a very professional operation indeed. Thank you to managers for making it such a memorable evening,” said the Chairman, trying to piece together events the next day from a wad of crumpled receipts in his wallet.
As is always the case after a transfer window, some new signings have jumped at the opportunity of a fresh start to take the game by the throat, while others…
Smash and grab raid of the window has to go to the Spartak Mogadishu boss, who picked up Papiss Demba Rodney Cisse for £500k.
“Yarrr! He be a fine vassal,” said the Spartak gaffer in a feudal moment.
Full teams and this week’s points will be available later in the week.