Headless Chickens

Manager: John N (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011

Last season: 11th

Trophy cabinet: empty (best finish – last season)

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: The Chicken Dance

Outlook: Beyond Cech, Kompany and Walcott, the Chickens boss doesn’t look like having the tools to better last season. Marquee signing Clint Dempsey is ‘unsettled’ and looking to swap his role as a big fish in a little pond for minnow in the sea of Liverpool midfielders. Caroll and Cole up front are fully expected to warrant their price tag.

Cech, P CHE £19m
Kompany, V MCY £18m
Heitinga, J EVE £0.5m
Brown, W (B) SUN £5m
O’Brien, J WHM £2.5m
Sterling, R LIV £22m
Dempsey, C FUL £21m
Routledge, W SWA £1m
Pilkington, A NOR £3.5m
Hernandez, J MUN £15m
Crouch, P STO £6.5m
 Total £114m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out     In
Santos, A ARS £0.5m Brown, W (B) SUN £5m
Bardsley, P SUN £2.5m O’Brien, J WHM £2.5m
Carroll, A WHM £1m Hernandez, J MUN £15m
Petric, M FUL £12m Crouch, P STO £6.5m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out     In
Jones, P MUN £9.5m Heitinga, J EVE £0.5m
Dawson, M QPR £6m Santos, A ARS £0.5m
Walcott, T ARS £17m Sterling, R LIV £22m
Cole, C  WHM £1.5m Petric, M FUL £12m
Share Button

Sky Sports News declare England phoney war

Gas masks
Kenna HQ is issuing protective equipment to managers until the England post is filled

Fabio Capello plunged domestic matters into chaos this week by resigning from the England post.

As managers tried to galvanise their teams after the transfer window, rolling sports news went into an unsettling overdrive.

The FC Testiculadew boss was the first to have his south London home surrounded by roving reporters.

“We’re over a hundred points in front, so it’s no time to be complacent and I’m totally focused on the league,” he said, which according to anchor Mike Wedderburn meant he’d not ruled himself out of the England job.

The cameras cut to Yorkshire, where the Lokomotiv Leeds gaffer had been stopped from driving to training by Geoff Shreeves.

“Yes, Geoff, many would say signing Phil Bardsely does show a lack of ambition, but I see it as a positive step towards catching the leaders,” answered the Lokomotiv boss from his car window, before checking his phone, most likely for missed calls from the FA, affirmed Shreeves afterwards.

Even foreigners can’t escape. Still.

In his weekly PSV Mornington press conference, the manager was explicit.

“¡Me cago en la leche!” he said, which after some deliberation studio translators confirmed meant ‘I’m working up my CV’.

Amongst the haitus, the Chairman issued a message to managers.

“Until a new England manager is appointed, it’s important that we all keep calm and carry on,” he said, before thinking that if you printed those words on mugs and T-shirts, in an ironic sort of way, it could really catch on.

Weekly scores - 9 February 2012
Weekly scores - 9 February 2012
Share Button

Lokomotiv Leeds (second window)

Manager: Mr Ben Silver (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Leeds United

Foster, B WBA £4m
Skrtel, M LIV £18m
Bardsley, P SUN £5m
Simpson, D NEW £0.5m
Sagna, B ARS £14m
Howson, J NOR £0.5m
Toure, Y MCY £16.5m
van der Vaart, R TOT £5m
Moses, V WIG £3m
Hernandez, J MUN £21m
Sturridge, D CHE £0.5m
Share Button