Kenna club guide – Midlands and West

Immediately identify Kenna players in Midlands and West clubs: Aston Villa, Stoke, Swansea and West Brom.

Aston Villa

Given, S GK Dynamo Charlton £13m
Dunne, R DEF Greendale Rockets £3.5m
Hutton, A DEF Judean Peoples’ Front £0.5m
Warnock, S DEF Hairy Fadjeetas £2m
Holman, B MID Lokomotiv Leeds £0.5m
N’Zogbia, C MID Sporting Lesbian £6.5m
El Ahmadi, K MID Pikey Scum £3m
Ireland, S MID Woking £7m
Delph, F MID Northern Monkeys £7.5m
Agbonlahor, G STR PSV Mornington £7m
Bent, D STR Piedmonte £16m

Stoke

Sorensen, T GK Woking £4m
Wilson, M DEF Sporting Lesbian £2m
Huth, R DEF Pikey Scum £5m
Shawcross, R DEF Spartak Mogadishu £11m
Upson, M DEF Dynamo Charlton £2.5m
Delap, R MID PSV Mornington £0.5m
Pennant, J MID Vasco De Beauvoir £1m
Kightly, M MID Greendale Rockets £5m
Etherington, M MID Newington Reds £6m
Walters, J STR Lokomotiv Leeds £7m
Crouch, P STR FC Testicluadew £2m

Swansea

Taylor, N DEF Greendale Rockets £0.5m
Rangel, A DEF Newington Reds £3m
Williams, A DEF Hairy Fadjeetas £3.5m
Michu MID Sporting Lesbian £2.5m
Routledge, W MID Headless Chickens £1m
Britton, L MID Judean Peoples’ Front £0.5m
Sinclair, S MID FC Testicluadew £11m
Dyer, N MID Piedmonte £10m
Lita, L STR Vasco De Beauvoir £20m
Graham, D STR Dynamo Charlton £10m

West Brom

Foster, B GK Sporting Lesbian £6.5m
McAuley, G DEF Vasco De Beauvoir £0.5m
Olsson, J DEF Just put Carles £0.5m
Tamas, G DEF Woking £5.5m
Morrison, J MID Still Don’t Know Yet £2.5m
Brunt, C MID Pikey Scum £4m
Mulumbu, Y MID Newington Reds £1.5m
Lukaku, R STR Spartak Mogadishu £14m
Odemwingie, P STR Wandsworth Window Lickers £6m

London club guide

North west club guide

North east club guide

East and South club guide

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Release Bryan!

Life of Brian
Impediment: Ruiz and Torres are struggling up front

BRYAN Ruiz yet again failed to make an impact for Hairy Fadjeetas, but it didn’t stop his new club snatching the initiative in the first leg of the cup quarter finals.

Despite showing sparks of promise, the Costan Rican has failed to convince the mob.

The unfancied Fadges had to rely on a Matthew Etherington goal and a Stewart Downing assist to give them the edge over a dismal Dynamo Charlton.

“We just need to get the ball to Bryan in attacking positions,” said the Hairy Fadjeetas boss, forgetting that he’s been trying that with Fernando Torres since August.

Widely regarded as stragglers in the league, where they lie just 15 points from the bottom, Fadjeetas have been tearing up the form book in the cup.

Should they progress to the semis they’ll likely face Pavel Pogrebnyak’s Headless Chickens, who thumped a flimsy Pikey Scum.

Facile boast

In the other half of the draw, the Young Boys manager is preparing to eat his ‘Easy! Easy!’ tweets after losing first-leg ground to PSV Mornington.

Outstanding performances from Alex Song, Danny Murphy and Jermaine Defoe meant the Catalan boss was savouring his turrón and ratafia cocktail come Sunday night.

“Métetelo por el culo,” he said, when asked about Andy Carroll’s form.

A tough semi final against FC Testiculadew or Newington Reds awaits.

Quarter final leg one results
Quarter final leg one results
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