The Polonia Forsyth manager has issued a startling battle cry after her team dropped to their lowest ever Kenna position.
Since they entered the league in 2008, the term ‘dropzone’ was only used at the club as players’ slang for the manager’s office.
Defensive worries have left them one spot off the bottom.
“I’m not going to stand here and get pummelled in the rear every week. I’m tired of these flaccid performances. You lot need to stiffen up and start pumping them in,” innuendoed the Polonia gaffer through an open trapdoor at the club’s Roger Hole training ground.
As part of an unorthodox training schedule, the Polonia first team spend all their time except match days locked in a soundproof ‘recovery’ area underneath Roger Hole wearing nothing but polyester, leopard-print thongs, stiff collars and bow ties.
“Food. We need food,” said Verdan Corluka.