The Jeff Kenna League

Police have warned Oxford publicans to remain vigilant of ‘grey Brambling’ next Saturday (13 June) after rules for the Roy Wegerle World Cup auction pub crawl were published.

Managers from the world’s leading London pub-based fantasy football league are expected to descend on a succession of Oxford pubs as they attempt to buy 11 players in a 4-3-3 formation under ‘Bramble rules’ (section 1 below).

‘There is a high likelihood the new pub crawl format will lead to errant and unpunished auction activity,’ began a police message to landlords, before explaining the concept of grey Brambling as bidding on an illegal player without eventually signing them (section 4).

Licence holders are also advised to familiarise themselves with new Wegerle sin bin rules whereby the offending manager is not only prohibited from buying any players until the next pub, but may have to buy the whole league a round for the vague description of ‘excessive participation’ in auction proceedings (sections 5.2 and 5.3).

‘I just hope the chairman decides we’re a 15-lot pub rather than a 10-lot pub,’ said one Oxford pub landlord who wished to remain anonymous in reference to section 2 of the rules. ‘I’ve heard this lot can run up a bar tab to negate the blockage of the Strait of Hormuz.’

The Punter, The Bear Inn, The Star and The Lamb & Flag found out they were among pubs on the crawl when plans were leaked earlier this week.

‘Space, vibe and quality of pilsner will be foremost in my thinking when deciding on how long we stay,’ the league chairman told journalists on Abingdon Road through his rolled-down car window this morning. ‘Now would you mind standing back, I want to get this car washed.’

Wegerle World Cup auction pub crawl rules

1. Bramble rules
2. Bidding rules
3. Titus Bramble ruling
4. ‘Grey Brambling’
5. Sin bin – process
6. Sin bin – auction offences
7. Sin bin – pub offences
8. Autofill
9. Sticker packs

1. Bramble rules

1. £100m budget
2. 4-3-3
3. No more than one player from a country
4. Lowest value for a player is £0.5m
5. No bidding £0.5m after £1m
6. Positions as per https://play.fifa.com/fantasy/team 
7. Scoring as per https://play.fifa.com/fantasy/help/guidelines. Scores will be published at intervals during the tournament, with final scores published afterwards.

2. Bidding rules

For the first time the auction will be run during a pub crawl rather than a single venue. There will be at least 110 players to be auctioned over a crawl of eight or nine pubs. 

1. There is no set lot list and no player list will be provided other than https://play.fifa.com/fantasy/team 
2. The chairman will decide the number of lots to be auctioned at each pub. The first lot will be a sticker pack (see section 9), followed by either 10 or 15 lots at the chairman’s discretion, taking into consideration factors such as space, vibe and pilsner quality.
3. Managers take it in turns to introduce players to auction, starting to the auctioneer’s left
4. Once the last player sale is recorded, the next manager has 20 seconds to introduce a player name (plus position and country if asked by the auctioneer) or they will be sin binned (see section 5)
5. The manager should only give one name in the 20-second timeframe. Saying a name then quickly retracting it will get the manager sin binned.
6. Every manager must introduce a player in each round, with the exception of the auctioneer.
7. If a manager tries to introduce a player outside of his 20-second timeframe, either before the last player sale is recorded or when it is not their turn, they will get sin binned.
8. Any manager bidding point five after £1m will get sin binned.

3. Titus Bramble ruling

1. Illegal player returned to the pot and manager fined half the value paid
2. Space filled with Bramble player
3. Two players from the same country – more expensive player removed
4. Too many players in one position – last purchase returned to the pot, most expensive player in the position returned to the pot, manager fined half the value of the latter, space filled with Bramble player
5. Manager goes over budget – most expensive player returned to the pot, manager fined half the value paid, space filled with Bramble player
6. The Titus Bramble ruling is only triggered once the hammer has come down on a player sale. 
7. Once the TB ruling details are confirmed the offending manager is sin binned.

4. ‘Grey Brambling’

There is a grey area in the TB ruling when a manager either introduces a player or bids on a player that would trigger the Titus Bramble ruling if signed. This is shall be known as ‘grey Brambling’, and the following rules are introduced to deter it:

1. If a manager makes a grey Bramble bid all other managers should stop bidding so the hammer can come down and the TB ruling is triggered
2. If a manager has made a grey Bramble bid, but another manager has outbid him, the bid stays live and, if identified before the hammer goes down, the grey Brambler is sin binned after the player is sold
3. If a manager makes a grey Bramble bid and no one notices, the manager is free from any reprisals after the hammer comes down on that player.

5. Sin bin – process

1. Only the chairman, or a second chosen by the chairman, can sin bin a manager
2. If a manager is sin binned they cannot bid on any players until the next pub
3. Once sin binned a manager may remain in the auction circle but excessive participation in the auction proceedings may result in a penalty fine of buying the whole league a round at the next pub
4. If a manager spots someone committing a sin bin offence they can bring this to the attention of the chairman, but must do so in a polite manner

6. Sin bin – auction offences

1. Quickly retracting a bid
2. Triggering the Titus Bramble forfeit
3. Buying an ‘on the beach’ player
4. Asking the auctioneer any questions during bidding
5. Bidding point five after £1m (even in jest)
6. Signing Erling Haaland
7. Bidding while on the pavement outside the pub (unless the auction is taking place on the pavement outside the pub)
8. Attempting to introduce a player before the last sale is recorded
9. Attempting to introduce a player when it’s not your turn
10. Taking more than 20 seconds to introduce a player when it’s your turn
11. Failing to meet a request from the chairman

7. Sin bin – pub offences

1. Buying a one-drink round
2. Switching the TV from the agreed channel
3. The team you support scores a goal – doesn’t apply if you’re in the sin bin
4. Sexually assaulting a professional footballer
5. Dismembering a journalist

8. Autofill

Conventional, domestic autofill rules will not be applied. If a manager finishes the auction with spaces in their team, those spaces will be filled after the auction at the chairman’s discretion.

9. Sticker packs

1. The first lot at each pub will be a Panini sticker pack. Each pack contains seven stickers.
2. The manager with the highest bid can choose which player to sign from the seven in the pack. Bramble rules apply.
3. ‘Shiny’ stickers, either country FA logos or Tournament branding, and team stickers do not count as a player.
4. If a pack contains two stickers with the same player the manager must sign that player.
5. If one of the players in the pack has already been signed by another manager (Manager B), either from a previous pack or after a routine bid, the manager who bought the pack (Manager A) can compulsory purchase that player for the value paid for the pack. Manager B will either make or lose money from the sale depending on how much they initially paid for the player.