Year: 2011

Newington Reds striker Demba Ba scored his second hatrick of the campaign to maintain the club’s position in the the top four.

The Senegalese hitman has finally found his way after a slow start for reasons the Spartak Mogadishu manager may do well to note.

The Reds manager was further buoyed by clean sheets from new signings Phil Jones and John Arne Riise.

“Obviously, I’ll be hitting the bar,” chortled the Newington Reds boss.

Newbie surge

Rooky managers continued the trend of impressing themselves on the Kenna as Lokomotiv Leeds snatched second place.

A goal and an assist from Rafael van der Vaart stole the show the for Yorkshire outfit.

The Dutch playmaker had briefly been signed by Vasco De Beauvoir on auction night, until the ill-advised purchase of Wesley Sneijder.

Vasco are ninth in the table.

Bannan-a skin

The Pikey Scum gaffer was forced to take a long hard look at himself this week, after two players released in the transfer window scored goals.

Stylian Petrov, who was snapped up by rivals Superfuzz, netted, as did free agent Andy Carroll.

Scum replaced Petrov with Scottish talent Barry Bannan.

“He hasn’t turned out to be quite the midfield driving force we’d hoped for,” lamented the Scum boss.