Manager: Jack (Hampshire)
Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)
Last season: 15th
Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2008, Claudio Caniggia World Cup 2006 win (under review)
Sympathies: Spurs
Darts music: I’m A Pikey – Enrique Iglesias
Outlook (on 29 August 2013): A true workhorse on the Kenna committee in producing the weekly spreadsheet, the Pikey Scum manager’s struggle to translate his enthusiasm for the league into success on the pitch has driven him to a cider-only diet. Since the validity of his 2006 World Cup tournament victory was called into question during last year’s ‘Kenna in the bag’ inquiry, a solitary Canesten Combi Cup win in 2008 is all to be found in the manager’s trophy cabinet. League form in particular is poor. The Hampshire man has languished in mid-table obscurity throughout his Kenna career.
Could he overcome eight hours on the jungle juice and use the auction to improve this season? Certainly Sturridge and Lambert are the most fashionable English strike partnership since Shearer and Owen, both scousers have started the campaign scoring goals. Joe Cole is enjoying a renaissance in east London, but how long until his familiar foes of injury and form catch up? Carrick, Sandro and Morrison are regular starters, yet workaday. More spectacular are Clichy, Azpilicueta and Jenkinson coming forward.
The Pikey Scum manager has been here before though: exciting prospects but he never can quite motivate them into a unit capable of winning the Kenna. Three Manager of the Month awards in seven years: must be the cider.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfYT_8DnMpc&w=420&h=315]
| Ruddy, J | NOR | £4.5m |
| Clichy, G | MCY | £19m |
| Shawcross, R | STO | £15m |
| Parr, J | CRY | £0.5m |
| Koscielny, L | ARS | £2.5m |
| Morrison, J | WBA | £9m |
| Elmohamady, A | HUL | £0.5m |
| Willian | CHE | £10m |
| Cole, J | WHM | £0.5m |
| Sturridge, D | LIV | £38m |
| Lambert, R | SOT | £4.5m |
| £104m |
First transfer window – 5 October 2013
Starting budget: £12m, remaining budget: £2.5m, net loss: £9.5m
(Hyperlink denotes from/to which club players were bought/sold)
| Out | In | ||||||
| POS | Player | Team | Sold | POS | Player | Team | Paid |
| DEF | Azpilicueta, C | CHE | Free | DEF | Senderos, P | FUL | £2m |
| DEF | Jenkinson, C | ARS | £0.5m | DEF | Koscielny, L | ARS | £2.5m |
| MID | Sandro | TOT | Free | MID | Lamela, E | TOT | £5.5m |
Second transfer window – 7 February 2014
| Out | In | ||||||
| POS | Player | Team | Sold | POS | Player | Team | Paid |
| DEF | Senderos, P | VAL | Free | DEF | Parr, J | CRY | £0.5m |
| DEF | Cole, J | WHU | Free | MID | Elmohamady, A | HUL | £0.5m |
| MID | Carrick, M | MUN | Free | MID | Willian | CHE | £10m |
