Manager: El Pons (Catalunya)
Twitter name: @RamonPonsUK
Since: 2009
Last season: 10th
Trophy cabinet: empty (best finish – 9th in 2009/10)
Sympathies: Barcelona
Darts music: La Bamba – Ritchie Valens
Outlook (on 27 August 2013): The original Catalan import, the PSV manager was a Kenna regular long before London’s trendiest bars sold Estrella Damm in bottles, let alone on tap. Unfortunately, that wealth of experience has only brought the antimadridista three mid-table finishes and the ignominy of last-placed relegation in 2010/11. His most notable contribution to the Kenna remains the acrimonious El Gran Cat fight scandal in April 2012, when a war of words erupted with rival Catalan the Just Put Carles manager.
Santi Cazorla and Jose Enrique aside, this season’s PSV team look to continue the mediocre tradition. Robles and Muniesa haven’t yet left the bench; Amorebieta, Gutierrez, N’Zogbia and Carroll are all injured; and commentators still use the words ‘confidence’ and ‘lack of’ when speaking of Fernando Torres. Support for the side’s top talent is left up to a battling-for-his-place Jolean Lescott and Leroy ‘The Bouncer’ Fer.
It’s only a matter of time before yet again the high pressure of the Kenna forces the PSV manager to seek tactical inspiration by locking himself in his office with a week’s supply of arroz con leche and a cardboard cutout of Pep Guardiola.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jp6j5HJ-Cok&w=420&h=315]
| Robles, J | EVE | £0.5m |
| Kelly, M | LIV | £0.5m |
| Amat, J | SWA | £0.5m |
| Lescott, J | MCY | £1.5m |
| Amorebieta, F | FUL | £2m |
| Nani | MUN | £0.5m |
| Cazorla, S | ARS | £30m |
| Westwood, A | AVL | £0.5m |
| Fer, L | NOR | £0.5m |
| Torres, F | CHE | £30m |
| Carroll, A | WHM | £15m |
| £81.5m |
First transfer window – 5 October 2013
Did not attend. League membership under review.
Second transfer window – 7 February 2014
| Out | In | ||||||
| Pos | Player | Team | Sold | Pos | Player | Team | Paid |
| DEF | Enrique, J | LIV | Free | DEF | Kelly, M | LIV | £0.5m |
| DEF | Muniesa, M | STO | Free | DEF | Amat, J | SWA | £0.5m |
| MID | Gutierrez, J | NOR | Free | MID | Nani | MUN | £0.5m |
| MID | N’Sommnia | AVL | Free | MID | Westwood, A | AVL | £0.5m |
