SECRET videos belonging to football clubs in the Kenna League have turned up into the phone-hacking trial at the Old Bailey, it has been claimed.
Amongst the contents of a bag alleged by the prosecution to have been hidden by Rebekah Brooks’s husband the day she was arrested, investigators unearthed several adult DVDs including the title Where the Boys aren’t 17.
The manager of Kenna League club Young Boys of Vauxhall says the film contains through-the-keyhole recordings of his side’s top secret training sessions.
The Welshman claims the illicit content has compromised his team’s competitiveness this season.
Disgruntled supporters’ groups have pointed out the Young Boys manager’s outburst is merely a smokescreen to deflect attention away from the club’s appalling league form and failure to progress from the Canesten Combi Cup group stages this week.
They also claim the film has nothing to do with Young Boys and is actually a romp starring ‘The Queen of Porn’ Jenna Jameson on a plane full of lesbians.
@jeffkennaleague Tell him I want those back!
— Andrew Denney (@andenney) January 21, 2014
The Sporting Lesbian manager, another Canesten Combi Cup group C side eliminated from the tournament, is also said to have mobilised club lawyers after two other lesbian films were found in Charlie Brooks’s bag: Lesbian Psychodrama Volume 2 and Lesbian Psychodrama Volume 3.
Media commentators maintain such a link between the high-profile criminal case and London’s leading pub-based fantasy football league is whimsical at best.
Meanwhile, the PSV Mornington renaissance continued this week under their maverick new manager, a cardboard cut out of Pep Guardiola.
Santi Cazorla scored two goals for PSV to both ensure their progress out of group D of the Canesten Combi Cup and cut the gap on fellow relegation strugglers Spartak Mogadishu and the aforementioned Young Boys.
Known as Pep ‘Cardiola’ to wags at the club, the caretaker manager was given the job permanently last week after turning around their fortunes in the league and cup.
The former PSV manager was sacked before Christmas for overseeing five of the worst months of performances in Kenna history.
The last 16 draw for the Canesten Combi Cup will take place at the season’s second transfer window two weeks on Friday.
Managers have until noon on Wednesday 5 February to submit their unwanted players to Kenna HQ. Two days later an auction will be held at The Enterprise in Holborn where managers can fill the gaps in their team with available players and the gaps in their stomach by several glasses of premium lager.
Cup group stage results
Kenna table
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | FC Testiculadew | James N | 46 | 5 |
| 2 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 43 | 2 |
| 3 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 40 | 1 |
| 4 | Team Panda Rules OK | George | 39 | 2 |
| 5 | This is Sparta…Prague | Rich | 37 | 1 |
| 6 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 36 | 4 |
| 7 | Judean Peoples Front | Sholto | 34 | 2 |
| 8 | Headless Chickens | John N | 34 | 1 |
| 9 | Piedmonte | Phil | 32 | 2 |
| 10 | KS West Green | Stix | 30 | 2 |
| 11 | Rapids De Cullons CF | Jorge | 29 | 3 |
| 12 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 26 | 2 |
| 13 | Just put Carles | Carles | 24 | 0 |
| 14 | St. Reatham FC | Mike | 23 | 0 |
| 15 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 22 | 2 |
| 16 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 22 | 1 |
| 17 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 22 | 0 |
| 18 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 19 | 1 |
| 19 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 18 | 0 |
| 20 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 16 | 1 |
| 21 | Dulwich Red Sox | Luke | 13 | 0 |
| 22 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 12 | 0 |
| 23 | Young Boys | Denney | 9 | 0 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 22 | Dzeko, E – MCY – STR | ||
| Club | FC Testiculadew |
