PANTOMIME villain the FC Testiculadew manager is wringing his hands in sinister fashion after leading his side to the top of the Kenna League.
Goals from Edin Dzeko, Christian Benteke, Jonjo Shelvey and Kevin Mirallas saw FC Testiculadew cruise past a dismal performance from Hairy Fadjeetas.
The FCT manager is hunting for his second league title in just three years of competing in the Kenna.
Despite winning the league on debut by a record 129 points in the 2011/12 season, the manager is most well known for inventing the pernicious act of tactical Brambling – an underhand ploy to subvert the league’s forfeit procedure, the Titus Bramble ruling.
In the 2012 Emmanuel Olisadebe Euros auction, the FCT manager calculated that by deliberately springing the Titus Bramble ruling late in the auction under previous Kenna laws, he could free up funds and gain a financial advantage.
Kenna HQ has since brought in heavier penalties to discourage against tactical Brambling.
New regulations have not stopped the Olisdebe auction becoming known as the graveyard of the Kenna’s spirit.
The FCT manager has continued to be marked by his ruthlessness towards the Kenna and his unscrupulousness interpreting league regulations.
Speaking to media this morning outside the club’s Itchyballs Park training facility, the FCT manager said: “First there was the dream, now the reality. Here in the untainted cradle of the heavens will be created a new super race, a race of perfect physical specimens.”
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rrPB2BER0c]
Kenna table
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | FC Testiculadew | James N | 77 | 4 |
| 2 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 59 | 4 |
| 3 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 58 | 1 |
| 4 | Piedmonte | Phil | 57 | 3 |
| 5 | KS West Green | Stix | 53 | 3 |
| 6 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 49 | 3 |
| 7 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 47 | 2 |
| 8 | Rapids De Cullons CF | Jorge | 46 | 1 |
| 9 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 45 | 1 |
| 10 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 44 | 3 |
| 11 | Judean Peoples Front | Sholto | 44 | 2 |
| 12 | Team Panda Rules OK | George | 43 | 2 |
| 13 | Just put Carles | Carles | 41 | 0 |
| 14 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 39 | 4 |
| 15 | St. Reatham FC | Mike | 38 | 1 |
| 16 | This is Sparta…Prague | Rich | 36 | 1 |
| 17 | Young Boys | Denney | 36 | 0 |
| 18 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 32 | 2 |
| 19 | Headless Chickens | John N | 31 | 1 |
| 20 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 29 | 0 |
| 21 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 26 | 0 |
| 22 | Dulwich Red Sox | Luke | 23 | 0 |
| 23 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 21 | 1 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 17 | Sturridge, D – LIV – STR | ||
| Club | Pikey Scum |
