CALLS for an official inquiry have been heard around the Kenna after teams led by two high-ranking league officials registered resounding cup victories in what was otherwise a quiet week for goals.
In the first leg of the Canesten Combi Cup last 16 fixtures, KS West Green and Bala Rinas – managed by the Kenna chairman and treasurer respectively – both scored four shots on target, or ‘got an Oscar’s night‘, as it has recently become known.
A hat-trick for Andre Schurrle and a rare Curtis Davies strike secured a vital away win for the chairman’s side over Judean Peoples’ Front, whose manager is best known for looking like Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik.
Johnny Heitinga, Romelu Lukaku and a brace from Moussa Sissoko saw Bala Rinas cruise to victory over a lacklustre Team Panda Rules OK performance.
No doubt spurred on by either ongoing events in Ukraine, a faction led by the Young Boys of Vauxhall manager has questioned the integrity of the league and called for a full investigation.
The Young Boys manager, who two days ago attacked the league for being anti-Welsh, even called for a boycott of the new improved cup wall chart, released today.
“You see this? I wouldn’t wash my car with this! And not only because it’s a piece of paper,” he fumed at his chamois.
The Chairman’s response was uncharacteristic, but made clear upon watching the YouTube video below. He said: “Yo, you want fantasy football? I got fantasy football. I got the best fantasy football.
“This area’s dry, man. You know that. I know that. Ain’t nobody arranging fantasy football but me.
“I got auctions, I got transfer windows, I got pub crawls. I’ve got the finest cup competition this area has seen in years. You need me and I need you. Let’s make this work.
“You buy entry to the league, you get entry to the cup totally free. Gratis.
“I got everything. Even a World Cup fantasy auction, baby.”
Canesten Combi Cup last 16 first leg results
Rapids De Cullons 1 – 0 Northern Monkeys
Dynamo Charlton 0 – 2 Newington Reds
St Reatham FC 0 – 0 Lokomotiv Leeds
Team Panda Rules OK 1 – 4 Bala Rinas
Judean Peoples’ Front 0 – 4 KS West Green
Headless Chickens 0 – 0 Spartak Mogadishu
FC Testiculadew 2 – 1 This is Sparta…Prague
PSV Mornington 0 – 1 Hairy Fadjeetas
Kenna table
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | KS West Green | Stix | 33 | 4 |
| 2 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 29 | 4 |
| 3 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 29 | 1 |
| 4 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 28 | 2 |
| 5 | FC Testiculadew | James N | 25 | 2 |
| 6 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 25 | 0 |
| 7 | Team Panda Rules OK | George | 25 | 0 |
| 8 | Piedmonte | Phil | 23 | 1 |
| 9 | Young Boys | Denney | 23 | 0 |
| 10 | Just put Carles | Carles | 20 | 1 |
| 11 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 20 | 0 |
| 12 | Rapids De Cullons CF | Jorge | 19 | 1 |
| 13 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 19 | 0 |
| 14 | This is Sparta…Prague | Rich | 18 | 1 |
| 15 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 17 | 0 |
| 16 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 15 | 0 |
| 17 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 14 | 0 |
| 18 | Judean Peoples Front | Sholto | 13 | 0 |
| 19 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 13 | 0 |
| 20 | Dulwich Red Sox | Luke | 11 | 0 |
| 21 | St. Reatham FC | Mike | 10 | 0 |
| 22 | Headless Chickens | John N | 8 | 0 |
| 23 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 6 | 0 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 17 | Schurrle, A – CHE – MID | ||
| Club | KS West Green |
