The first player sold in the auction for the Kenna’s highest ever fee, Neymar went on to score two goals before the Where’s Neymar? manager messed up his calculations and overspent his budget.
The chairman snapped up the attacker for a £7.5m, a tenth of the initial cost.
In an email to Kenna HQ, dated yesterday and leaked today, the Where’s Neymar? manager said: “You should expect a legal challenge with regards to the points gained by Neymar last night, as when they were scored he was, unquestionably, a Where’s Neymar? player.
“Furthermore, we believe it is unprecedented in the Kenna’s illustrious history, that a manger is awarded points already scored before the player is a actually signed, further strengthening the Where’s Neymar? claim to all points incurred by the player in question.”
Kenna HQ lawyers have dismissed the claim as ‘sour grapes’ and pointed to the manager’s poor addition and mathematical skills.
The chairman said: “Where’s Neymar?? His team should be called Where’s Your Abacus?
“The manager is simply trying to deflect attention away from the fact he auctioned poorly and needs a calculator.
“He’s always claimed he is a Welshman, yet he turns up three hours late wearing a Belgium shirt and makes a very convincing case of his inability to manage a football team, numbers or a wardrobe.”
THE controversial transfer of one of the world’s biggest footballing superstars for a mere £7.5m has shone a light on the murky workings of the Kenna, according to inside sources.
Neymar – the Brazilian poster child of World Cup 2014 – was originally sold to the Where’s Neymar? manager for a staggering £75m at last night’s Emerson World Cup auction, but was later returned to the auctioneer’s list after the same manager fell foul of the Titus Bramble ruling.
But eyebrows were raised when it became clear that only two managers were still eligible to bid for the playmaker, who bagged a brace in the World Cup curtain raiser against Croatia. One of those managers was the Kenna chairman.
“It just seems a bit strange that almost at the end of the auction, Neymar is returned to the pot and the chairman is straight in there bidding away with a war chest close to fifty big ones,” said a source close to the Kenna camp.
And in a further development, investigations have shown that the Where’s Neymar manager – whose error led to Neymar being returned to the eligible player list to the chairman’s benefit – has not paid his subscription.
The Chairman was unavailable for comment.
In further controversy, the chairman is also rumoured to have tried to cover up a Titus Bramble forfeit when he illegally bought a second German, Marco Reus.
Accusations of ‘this isn’t FIFA’ led to the chairman admitting his error and losing Mario Gotze on a Bramble.
Despite assurances from the chairman that the Clerkenwell site is fully functional, it’s believed that work is not complete. According to witnesses naked power cables are visible in the tap room, Billy the Singing Fish is still without batteries and the promised Dyson Airblade has yet to make an appearance in the gents.
But it is the soft furnishings that will most alarm managers who are due to descend on the purpose built public house in 24 hours time. Threadbare cushions, beer stained chair covers and cigarette burns – long thought to be a thing of the past in an English establishment – litter the carpet.
Speaking to reporters outside Kenna HQ and wearing an off-the-peg Armani suit, the chairman said: “I don’t know what all the fuss is about. Every penny available has been spent on securing the most fit-for-purpose venue for the World Cup auction.
“I’m confident that our choice represents the ideals of the Kenna as well as money well spent – every last penny if you’re taking notes.”
WHAT was Theo Walcott doing at the 2006 World Cup in Germany?
Ahead of the tournament, blind English optimists saw his inclusion in the squad as an exciting commitment to their country’s long-term footballing ambitions.
But when star striker Michael Owen collapsed injured in the second minute of England’s final group game against Sweden, the 17-year-old Arsenal winger went unused, as he did for the rest of tournament.
In the wake of recent scandal, the decision of then England manager Sven Goran-Eriksson to take a teenage boy on a three-week summer trip to the Continent now looks like some sort of a pre-Yewtree indulgence.
In reality, for every top scorer and penalty hero the World Cup there is a multitude of cover: unused substitutes, young players out to get a bit of experience and dogeared veterans who rarely get a run out for their national side anymore.
So in the build up to proceedings in Brazil, as squads are pored over and likely starting line ups are discussed in cafés and bars from South America to South London, everyone will be looking for the shining stars.
But what of those making the least impact?
Of the 736 footballers who have travelled to the Amazon Basin, a 23-man squad is published today of what is hoped are the most goal-shy benchwarmers ‘on the plane’.
Made up of those least likely to impress themselves on matters in Brazil, the ‘Titus Bramble squad’ includes three goalkeepers, eight defenders, seven midfielders and five strikers from the top 23 FIFA-ranked countries at the tournament.
The casual observer may be wondering why the outright worst 23 players at the tournament were not selected. Firstly, it was felt that over the last few weeks there has been more than enough criticism of the Australia squad.
With a £100m budget and a quota of one footballer per country, each manager will be keen to secure the services of the best players and give themselves a shot at Emerson glory.
With five points for a goal, three for an assist and two for starting a match, first-choice strikers, attacking midfielders and wing backs overlapping up the flanks will all come at a premium. Though honourable, the ‘Claude Makalele role’ is not desirable at this level.
And with defenders and goalkeepers getting four points for a clean sheet and goalies five for a penalty save, managers will be looking to avoid taking valuable spaces with full backs and centre backs who don’t get forward.
Any manager going over budget or found to have bought more than one player from a certain country will trigger the Titus Bramble forfeit ruling.
Either their most expensive or their illegal player will be removed and replaced with a bogey man from the Bramble line up below.
A high-intensity auction pace on licensed premises ensures at least a handful of managers always fall foul.
Follow the Emerson World Cup auction on a live blog on KennaLeague.com on Thursday from 6.30pm British Summer Time.
Victor (Brazil, 6 caps, aged 31) – may have been the best goalkeeper in the Copa Libertadores in 2013, but still behind Cesar and Jefferson in the pecking order.
Agustin Orion (Argentina, 3 caps, aged 32) – if Sergio Romero gets stretchered off, Mariano Andujar will take the gloves.
Defenders
Matthias Ginter (Germany, 2 caps, aged 20) – young Master Ginter will do well to get picked above Hummels and Mertesacker.
Jose Maria Giminez (Uruguay, 6 caps, aged 19) – in a settled Uruguay outfit, the young Real Madrid centre back looks to be along for the experience.
Philipe Senderos (Switzerland, 53 caps, aged 29) – a full member of the Arsene Wenger dodgy centre back signing club, Senderos is likely to start on the bench.
Timothy Chandler (USA, 12 caps, aged 24) – this defender is most notable for his resemblance to Rob Earnshaw, according to his wikipedia page.
Lucas Digne (France, 2 caps, aged 20) – while it’s likely Patrice Evra, Mathieu Debuchy, Raphael Varane and Laurent Koscielny decide to down tools, the French camp would be in such familiar disarray, Digne would struggle to make an impact.
Constant Djakpa (Cote D’Ivoire, 3 caps, aged 26) – constant hopes one of the preferred centre back pairing gets a snapped hamstring and he gets a chance to add to his three appearances since 2007.
Laurent Ciman (Belgium, 8 caps, aged 28) – Daniel van Buyten is the obvious replacement if any of a strong back four come off.
Oscar Bagui (Ecuador, 21 caps, aged 31) – has not made an appearance for his country since 2010, but continues to be called up.
Midfielders
Alexander Mejia (Colombia, 8 caps, aged 25) – the young Colombian has the tournament’s smallest Wikipedia page and Colombia’s smallest chance of getting in above a wealth of attacking talent.
Marco Parolo (Italy, 4 caps, aged 29) – four appearances in three years for Italy smells like bench warming.
Frank Lampard (England, 105 caps, aged 35) – every England fan will be hoping not to get overrun in yet another knockout match while Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard look at each other across the pitch like they’ve never met before.
Jean Beausejour (Chile, 59 caps, aged 30) – as ever Chile have an exciting team, and as ever the Wigan Athletic lefty isn’t expecting to start matches.
Jose Juan Vazquez (Mexico, 5 caps, aged 26) – known as El Gallo (The Rooster), he certainly isn’t the favoured cock in the defensive midfield position.
Sammir (Croatia, 5 caps, aged 26) – Brazilian who found a Croatian passport. When he was first called up to the national side some Croat players resigned in protest. Funny really, because it’s not like they’ve got form for racism.
Tino Sven-Susic (Bosnia, 2 caps, aged 22) – surely there are murmurs Tino only got selected because his uncle Safet is the national coach.
Strikers
Eder (Portugal, 7 caps, aged 26) – second string striker once went AWOL for club Academia and suspended.
Theofanis Gekas (Greece, 70 caps, aged 34) – out-of-form, ageing striker in the tournament’s most goal-shy team.
Memphis Depay (Netherlands, 6 caps, aged 20) – Robin van Persie, Arjen Robben and Klaas-Jan Huntelaar are all favoured over this young left winger.
Maksim Kanunnikov (Russia, 2 caps, aged 22) – has never scored in a Russia shirt.
El Arbi Hillel Soudani (Algeria, 22 caps, aged 26) – the third-choice striker in a lone front man set up.
Wesley Sneijder scores another ‘goal’ for Nelson’s Column during the the Dr Khumalo 2010 World Cup (photo: LizNN7)
THE 2010 Dr Khumalo World Cup runner up says he is out to ‘settle old scores’ at this summer’s tournament in Brazil, which starts next week.
South Afrikaans Are Racist Santander narrowly missed out on the top spot four years ago after a FIFA technical study group controversially awarded two goals to Nelson’s Column midfielder Wesley Sneijder.
The notches helped the Nelson’s Column manager, who is also chairman of the Kenna League, win the Dr Khumalo World Cup and become the first in history to win a Kenna league and cup domestic double and international tournament in the same year.
“I’ve got a score to settle, there’s no doubt about,” said the SAARS boss in a press conference ahead of next Thursday’s Emerson World Cup auction.
“With Gonzalo Higuaín, Mesut Özil and Carlos Puyol on fire in 2010, I fully deserved to win that trophy. The chairman’s only decent signing was Iker Casillas in goal. The rest of the side were an utter shower, and the authorities should never have allowed those Wesley Sneijder ‘goals’,” he said, holding both hands at head height and slowly curling his index fingers twice.
Many at the time agreed with this assessment. Victory for Nelson’s Column had appeared unimaginable after the 2010 pre-tournament auction, held in the Edgar Wallace just off the Strand, when the chairman ended up with a strike partnership of Angelos Charisteas and The Yak.
But Nelson’s Column went on to win the World Cup by five points in a nail biting contest.
Managers will use their £100m war chest to buy 11 players in a tried-and-tested-at-international-level 4-4-2 formation, while adhering to the quota of one player per nationality.
Any side found to have exceeded the nationality quota or going over budget will be subjected to the draconian Titus Bramble forfeit. Their most desirable player will be removed and replaced with a bogey footballer.
The 23-man Titus Bramble squad, made up of players least likely to make an impact from the top 23-ranked countries, is due to be announced early next week.
Sources close to organisers say Frank Lampard, Phillipe Senderos and reserve Spain goalkeeper and hanger-on-party-guy Pepe Reina are among those set to feature.
The 2014 Emerson World Cup is sponsored by Soul Glo: Let Your Soul Shine Through
