THE Kenna League has awarded the lucrative contract to refurbish the committee’s executive bathroom to a Polish builder.
Work many considered to be long overdue began late last week, but critics of the chairman say the project has led to a bureaucratic slowdown at Kenna HQ.
No communication has been published since the season’s first transfer window 10 days ago. Managers desperate for confirmation of which mid-table treadwater bought which form-fiddling flake, who topped last week’s league and exactly what time the chairman woke up the day after transfer night have been disappointed.
The chairman brushed aside concerns he’s losing is grip on the league.
“Do you think Martin Luther King made his famous speech while busting for a jimmy? Did Hannibal trek through the Alps without stopping to pinch one off on a vinegary rock? The Kenna committee is making crucial decisions with far-reaching consequences every single day. You expect us to consider these matters reasonably and equably without serenity to which to retreat when it’s touch and go?”
“Kenna HQ will only be running essential functions during the period of renovation,”he said, returning from the garden while doing up his fly.
The building work may have interrupted normal operations, but is has led to some hilarious moments for followers of the chairman on social media networking site Twitter*.
*Warning: moments may not be hilarious
Got a builder from Poland staying to redo the bathroom #CueSituationComedy
— Stix (@jeffkennaleague) October 26, 2014
I made the Polish builder a sausage sandwich for breakfast this morning. He called me ‘Ramsey’ #chat
— Stix (@jeffkennaleague) October 26, 2014
The Polish builder is good with a socket wrench and likes drinking neat milk #LivingWithMrT
— Stix (@jeffkennaleague) October 28, 2014
Kenna table
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 40 | 4 |
| 2 | Cowley Casuals | Stu | 37 | 1 |
| 3 | Young Boys | Denney | 35 | 2 |
| 4 | St Reatham FC | Mike | 31 | 1 |
| 5 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 29 | 2 |
| 6 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 28 | 1 |
| 7 | Piedmonte | Phil | 26 | 0 |
| 8 | Headless Chickens | John N | 23 | 1 |
| 9 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 23 | 0 |
| 10 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 22 | 0 |
| 11 | Walthamstow Reds | Dudley | 22 | 0 |
| 12 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 17 | 0 |
| 13 | Fat Ladies | Ted | 17 | 0 |
| 14 | FC Tescticuladew | James N | 16 | 1 |
| 15 | KS West Green | Stix | 16 | 0 |
| 16 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 12 | 0 |
| 17 | Team Panda Rules OK | George | 11 | 0 |
| 18 | Just Put Carles | Carles | 11 | 0 |
| 19 | Judean People’s Front | Sholto | 9 | 0 |
| 20 | Hoxton Pirates | Abdi | 6 | 0 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 12 | Sanchez, A – ARS – STR | ||
| Club | Sporting Lesbian |
