THE top four of London’s leading pub-based fantasy football league is being overrun by right-wing reactionary Welshmen, according to organisers.
The chairman of the Kenna League said the top flight’s top flight had been invaded by ‘gun toting final solution crackpots’ from across the border.
“That Taff bloke who resembles the Scandy [sic]. Yeah, him. He’s a menace. What’s he doing in the top four again? He couldn’t manage his way out of a wetsuit,” said the chairman.
It is thought the comments were aimed at the Judean Peoples’ Front manager, who looks like steering his side to a second consecutive top four finish. He also looks like Norwegian mass murderer Anders Behring Breivik.
Photographed a few days ago sporting a Tyrolean hat, shotgun and the notorious ‘summer camp stare’ (above), the JPF boss claimed to have been responsible for the death of more than six million ‘cosmopolitan’ pheasants.
In the league, his strike rate has not been as impressive. A front two of Diafra Sakho and Nikica Jelavic have seen the goals dry up in recent weeks, but consistent if unremarkable industry across his starting eleven has put the club in third place.
Managed by the Kenna treasurer – another Welshman – Bala Rinas sit just behind in fourth.
The JPF manager will be hoping the finale doesn’t turn into a repeat of 12 months ago, when having occupied third for 13 successive weeks he was leapfrogged by the Bala Rinas manager in the penultimate round of the season.
Immediately after the end of the season Samir Nasri and an ill-timed visit to the lavatory at the second transfer window were blamed by the JPF boss for this misfortune.
The Breivik lookalike claims while he was on the throne pinching one off the Bala Rinas manager was pinching the signature of the petulant Frenchman.
Full scores and tables available from The Rub.
Canesten Combi Cup quarter final second leg results
Team Panda Rules OK 1 (4) – 1 (1) Pikey Scum
Cowley Casuals 3 (3) – 1 (2) Walthamstow Reds
Just Put Carles 2 (2) – 0 (4) Dynamo Charlton
Hairy Fadjeetas 0 (1) – 5 (5) FC Testicualdew
Semi final first leg fixtures – Tuesday 5 May
Team Panda Rules OK v Cowley Casuals
Dynamo Charlton v FC Testiculadew
Semi final second leg fixtures – Tuesday 12 May
Cowley Casuals v Team Panda Rules OK
FC Testiculadew v Dynamo Charlton
Final – Tuesday 26 May
Go For Broke Cup (least goals wins)
Semi final first leg – Tuesday 21 April
Judean Peoples’ Front (Group/Pool A last place) v KS West Green (Group/Pool B last place)
Hoxton Pirates (Group/Pool C last place) v Fat Ladies (Group/Pool D last place)
Semi final second leg – Tuesday 28 April
KS West Green v Judean Peoples’ Front
Fat Ladies v Hoxton Pirates
Final – Tuesday 19 May
Kenna table – week 31
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | FC Tescticuladew | James N | 46 | 5 |
| 2 | Young Boys | Denney | 41 | 2 |
| 3 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 41 | 1 |
| 4 | Cowley Casuals | Stu | 36 | 3 |
| 5 | KS West Green | Stix | 36 | 2 |
| 6 | Team Panda Rules OK | George | 34 | 1 |
| 7 | Fat Ladies | Ted | 32 | 2 |
| 8 | Judean People’s Front | Sholto | 32 | 0 |
| 9 | St Reatham FC | Mike | 31 | 2 |
| 10 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 28 | 1 |
| 11 | Just Put Carles | Carles | 26 | 2 |
| 12 | Piedmonte | Phil | 25 | 1 |
| 13 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 24 | 0 |
| 14 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 24 | 0 |
| 15 | Walthamstow Reds | Dudley | 22 | 1 |
| 16 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 21 | 2 |
| 17 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 20 | 1 |
| 18 | Headless Chickens | John N | 14 | 0 |
| 19 | Hoxton Pirates | Abdi | 9 | 0 |
| 20 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 7 | 0 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 30 | Benteke, C – AVL – STR | ||
| Club | FC Tescticuladew |
