Five most likely questions in Kenna managerial post mortems

SPORTING Lesbian were crowned Kenna champions for the second time in their history on Saturday.

Despite a late charge from Cowley Casuals, Sporting jogged over the line after a fantastic goal from Alexis Sanchez.

The Sporting manager collected a tidy £175 prize pot, having also picked up manager of the month awards for October and December.

The other big winners were Cowley Casuals, lifting the Canesten Combi Cup and finishing second the manager banked £125.

The Walthamstow Reds manager finally picked up silverware after 10 years of trying, scooping Jeff’s Unfair Play Award.

Wondering whether the Reds manager had a hitherto undiscovered talent for signing undisciplined players all this time, chalkstripes in the Kenna HQ speculations department were almost tempted to go through the archives, but it was late in the afternoon and happy hour was about to start at Tiger Tiger.

For the first time ever, Alan Hansen has broken down his coloured performance chart into week-by-week league positions (see below).

Which prompts the question: with the body of the season lying on the coroner’s slab what will club boards be most keen to ask Kenna managers in the season review?

Here are the five most likely enquiries:

Still Don’t Know Yet: “After a rocky start the team started to play well and were then dire all season. Why didn’t you attend any transfer windows?”

Bala Rinas: “You’ve finished third again and you’re the only manager in the league to keep his side in the top four for the whole season. You’re quite lanky and you’re good with numbers. Are you Arsene Wenger in disguise?”

Young Boys: “Looking at your side’s performances in winter, would you describe yourself as a fair-weather manager?”

St Reatham FC: “The side were pushing for a top four finish for the whole season but dropping four places in May is clear evidence you now lack resolve to finish something off. Why can’t you bring your Chobham Common form to the dressing room?”

Hoxton Pirates: “Can you take your cutlass on the way out? And the Koran?…No, no, leave the khat and the RPG launcher.”

Alan Hansen’s coloured performance chart

Prize breakdown

Subs: £500
Champions – £150
Runners up – £50
Third place – £25
Wenger Trophy – £12.50
Canesten Combi Cup winners – £75
Manager of the Month – £12.50
Jeff’s Unfair Play Award – £25
Committee costs – £37.50

Sporting Lesbian – champions and MOTMx2 = £175
Cowley Casuals – Cup winners and runners up = £125
Bala Rinas – third place and MOTMx2 = £50
Lokomotiv Leeds – Wenger Trophy and MOTMx1 = £25
Walthamstow Reds – Unfair Play Award and MOTMx1 = £37.50
Judean Peoples’ Front, Young Boys, FC Testiculadew and St Reatham FC – MOTM = £12.50 each

Kenna table – final standings