Season preview in one sentence (on 29 September): Hardly a title-winning auction effort.
Myhill, B (TW1)
WBA
£9m
Martin, R (TW1)
NOR
£0.5m
Rose, D
TOT
£5m
Soares, C
SOT
£7m
Jagielka, P
EVE
£7m
Hazard, E
CHE
£39m
Kouyate, C (TW1)
WHU
£10m
Wijnaldum, G
NEW
£11m
Sako, B (TW1)
CRY
£8m
Borini, F (TW1)
SUN
£0.5m
Deeney, T
WAT
£0.5m
£97.5m
First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015
In
Myhill, B – West Brom goalkeeper – £9m
Martin, R – Norwich defender – £0.5m
Kouyate, C – West Ham midfielder – £10m
Sako, B – Crystal Palace midfielder – £8m
Borini, F – Sunderland striker – £0.5m
Out Schmeichel, K – Leicester goalkeeper – £0.5m (to Walthamstow Reds) Mertesacker, P – Arsenal defender – £0.5m (to Hairy Fadjeetas) Schweinsteiger, B – Manchester United midfielder – free Gredl, M – Bournemouth midfielder – free Jerome, C – Norwich striker – £0.5m (to Headless Chickens)
Season preview in one sentence (on 28 September): For the second auction in a row the absent manager has had Serbian Nemenja thrust into his midfield by the The Rub: one could say auto-Matic-ally.
Vorm, M (TW2)
TOT
£?m
Sagna, B
MCY
£0.5m
Soares, C (TW2)
SOT
£?m
Walker, K (TW1)
TOT
£11m
Olsson, J
WBA
£0.5m
Johnson, A (TW2)
SUN
£?m
Arnautovic, M (TW1)
STO
£7m
Ayew, J (TW2)
AVL
£?m
Gosling, D (TW2)
BOU
£?m
Okazaki, S (TW2)
LEI
£?m
Ings, D
LIV
£0.5m
£?m
First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015
In -£24.5m
Gomes, H – Watford goalkeeper – £3m
Galloway, B – Everton defender – £2m
Walker, K – Tottenham defender – £11m
Arnautovic, M – Stoke midfielder – £7m
Inler, G – Leicester midfielder – £0.5m
Moses, V – West Ham midfielder – £0.5m
Bamford, P – Crystal Palace striker – £0.5m
Out +£0.5m Vorm, M – Tottenham goalkeeper – free Brown, W – Sunderland defender – free Bardsley, P – Stoke defender – free Valencia, A – Man United midfielder – free Wanyama, V – Southampton midfielder – free Dyer, N – Leicester midfielder – £0.5m (to Lokomotiv Leeds) Welbeck, D – Arsenal striker – free
In
Vorm, M – Tottenham goalkeeper – £?m
Soares, C – Southampton defender – £?m
Johnson, A – Sunderland midfielder – £?m
Ayew, J – Aston Villa midfielder – £?m
Gosling, D – Bournemouth midfielder – £?m
Okazaki, S – Leicester striker – £?m
Out Gomes, H – Watford goalkeeper – free Galloway, B – Everton defender – free Matic, N – Chelsea midfielder – free Inler, G – Stoke midfielder – free Moses, V – West Ham midfielder – free Bamford, P – Crystal Palace striker – free
Season preview in one sentence (on 28 September): An uncharacteristically underwhelming side from the Dark Lord of the Kenna, who would appear to have his hands full with Aleksander Mitrovic’s anger management issues.
In
Otamendi, N – Manchester City defender – £?m
Morgan, W – Leicester defender – £?m
Deulofeu, G – Everton midfielder – £?m
Naismith, S – Norwich striker – £?m
Out Clichy, G – Manchester City defender – free Coleman, S – Everton defender – free Sinclair, S – Aston Villa midfielder – free Mitrovic, A – Newcastle striker – free
Season preview in one sentence (on 27 September): When a manager Brambles himself with two Read Madrid players, what further punishment can Kenna HQ mete out?
Season preview in one sentence (on 26 Sepetmber): Divock Origi!
Adrian
WHM
£0.5m
Taylor, N
SWA
£3m
Ivanovic, B
CHE
£24m
Evans, J (TW1)
WBA
£2m
Cathcart, C (TW1)
WAT
£0.5m
Mata, J
MUN
£19m
Barry, G
EVE
£0.5m
Alli, D (TW2)
TOT
£?m
Drinkwater, D (TW1)
LEI
£0.5m
Long, S
SOT
£1m
Perez, A (TW1)
NEW
£3m
£?m
First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015
In
Evans, J – West Brom defender – £2m
Cathcart, C – Watford defender – £0.5m
Fernandinho – Manchester City midfielder – £0.5m
Drinkwater, D – Leicester midfielder – £0.5m
Perez, A – Newcastle striker – £3m
Out Debuchy, M – Arsenal defender – free Cissokho, A – Aston Villa defender – free Townsend, A – Tottenham midfielder – free Johnson, A – Sunderland midfielder – free Origi, D – Liverpool striker – free
Season preview in one sentence (on 26 September): It’s not about glory, it’s about how many sex tapes Tom Hopper can knock out before relegation closes in.
Bala Rinas made a clear statement in the early Kenna stakes with a brace from Graziano Pelle this week.
They were Pelle’s third and fourth goals this season. Not bad for someone who had all the hallmarks of a one-season wonder last year.
The lanky Italian and his lank hair were part of the phenomenon on the south coast which took everyone by surprise. Surely, no one thought it could continue, but either the Bala Rinas manager or his auction second had other ideas and the £15m investment is already paying dividends.
The Sporting Lesbian manager paid just £3m for the striker last summer when he was an unknown import. Quite whether Pelle will go on to replicate the form that saw him pick up 169 points and help Sporting Lesbian win the league is anyone’s guess and the treasurer’s hope.
It’s not the first time Sporting Lesbian have plucked a star from obscurity. In summer 2012, the manager snaffled Michu for just £2.5m.
Like Pelle last season, the Spaniard picked up 169 points and helped Sporting to the title. Spooky.
Michu could not keep it up. The following season he picked up just two goals and a handful of appearance points before disappearing from these shores altogether. It all made the Headless Chickens manager’s £27m auction transaction look a little foolish.
To find another such example of one-season wonder one must go back to the 2007-08 Kenna campaign.
Vasco De Beauvoir, the Kenna chairman‘s team, signed Roque Santa Cruz for £12m in the first transfer window, back then held in mid November.
It was a welcome change for the manager, who through some error of judgement at the auction fell foul of the Titus Bramble ruling. Vasco played the first three months of the campaign with Lee Dong Gook in attack.
The Korean striker’s contribution was more than eclipsed by the Paraguayan’s. Roque went on to score 145 points for Vasco and was instrumental in the chairman picking up December’s manager of the month award.
Vasco finished seventh that May, which three months later was enough evidence for manager of Matty Taylor’s Titans (now in charge of Young Boys) to fork out £10m for Santa Cruz.
Partnered alongside Afonso Alves in attack, Roque didn’t last beyond the November window where he was released in favour of a £35m Robinho. Titans won the Canestan Combi Cup and finished third in the league.
So what’s the moral of the story?
When you release your Dong make sure it’s into the jaws of obscurity, rather than those of dead pig.
