A KENNA League manager has been exposed trying to avoid the media spotlight for fear it would bring an end to his team’s run of form.
Walthamstow Reds are one of the few sides to climb the league since the October transfer window, where the manager made five new signings.
Over the last few weeks the Reds have gone from sixth to third place in the league and are second in Narcozep Cup group B after just one game, but the manager has been keen to keep a low profile.
In a leaked communique to Kenna HQ he said: “Have been desperately hoping that you continue to not write about me and that my creep up the table since the transfer window continues to go unnoticed.”
Unfortunately for the Reds, the manager’s plan went awry this week when he was spotted by a police patrol trying to escape the glare of top-flight football in an E17 alleyway in a hat, dark glasses, trench coat and upturned collar.
The Reds manager tried to explain his suspicious behaviour, saying it was nothing to do with the proximity of a local primary school but the promise of a maiden Kenna title. Waltham Forest’s finest were not convinced.
Desperate to prove his innocence, the manager went on to tell stoney-faced constables of Kasper Schmiechel clean sheets, Glenn Murray’s rebirth of form and ‘the importance of beating Young Boys‘.
He was taken to Chingford nick for further questioning.
Narcozep Cup – results
| Carles | 7 | 41 | Young Boys |
| Pikey Scum | 28 | 20 | Hairy Fadjeetas |
| Uncertain | 17 | 39 | Newington Reds |
| Headless Chickens | 15 | 20 | FC Tescticuladew |
| Dynamo Charlton | 15 | 31 | Lokomotiv Leeds |
| Team Panda | 27 | 31 | Bala Rinas |
| Cowley Casuals | 21 | 13 | Judean People’s Front |
| Northern Monkeys | 31 | 31 | Wandsworth Network Solutions |
Narcozep Cup – group standings
| Group | A | |||||
| Pos | Team | Played | For | Against | Diff | Pts |
| 1 | Young Boys | 1 | 41 | 7 | 34 | 3 |
| 2 | Real Threat | 1 | 34 | 21 | 13 | 3 |
| 3 | Pikey Scum | 2 | 56 | 52 | 4 | 3 |
| 4 | Carles | 2 | 39 | 69 | -30 | 3 |
| 5 | Hairy Fadjeetas | 2 | 41 | 62 | -21 | 0 |
| Group | B | |||||
| Pos | Team | Played | For | Against | Diff | Pts |
| 1 | FC Tescticuladew | 2 | 43 | -38 | 5 | 4 |
| 2 | Newington Reds | 1 | 39 | -17 | 22 | 3 |
| 3 | Uncertain | 2 | 35 | -56 | -21 | 3 |
| 4 | KS West Green | 1 | 23 | -23 | 0 | 1 |
| 5 | Headless Chickens | 2 | 32 | -38 | -6 | 0 |
| Group | C | |||||
| Pos | Team | Played | For | Against | Diff | Pts |
| 1 | Bala Rinas | 2 | 57 | -52 | 5 | 6 |
| 2 | Lokomotiv Leeds | 1 | 31 | -15 | 16 | 3 |
| 3 | Dynamo Charlton | 2 | 40 | -45 | -5 | 3 |
| 4 | ISIL | 1 | 25 | -26 | -1 | 0 |
| 5 | Team Panda | 2 | 41 | -56 | -15 | 0 |
| Group | D | |||||
| Pos | Team | Played | For | Against | Diff | Pts |
| 1 | Cowley Casuals | 2 | 40 | -29 | 11 | 6 |
| 2 | Thieving Magpies | 1 | 24 | -20 | 4 | 3 |
| 3 | Northern Monkeys | 2 | 47 | -50 | -3 | 1 |
| 4 | Wandsworth Network Solutions | 2 | 51 | -55 | -4 | 1 |
| 5 | Judean People’s Front | 1 | 13 | -21 | -8 | 0 |
Kenna table – week 15
Full tables and scores available from The Rub.
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | Young Boys | Andrew D | 42 | 4 |
| 2 | Newington Reds | Ben D | 39 | 1 |
| 3 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 33 | 0 |
| 4 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 31 | 2 |
| 5 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 31 | 1 |
| 6 | Wandsworth Network Solutions | Will | 31 | 0 |
| 7 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 28 | 1 |
| 8 | Team Panda | George | 27 | 2 |
| 9 | ISIL | Abdi | 21 | 2 |
| 10 | Cowley Casuals | Stu | 21 | 0 |
| 11 | FC Tescticuladew | James N | 20 | 0 |
| 12 | Thieving Magpies | Phil | 19 | 0 |
| 13 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 18 | 0 |
| 14 | Uncertain | Pete B | 17 | 0 |
| 15 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 15 | 0 |
| 16 | Headless Chickens | John N | 15 | 0 |
| 17 | KS West Green | Stix | 14 | 0 |
| 18 | Judean People’s Front | Sholto | 13 | 0 |
| 19 | Carles | Carles | 7 | 0 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 17 | Mahrez, R – LEI – MID | ||
| Club | Young Boys |
