Kenna transfer window prepares for Martial law

DYNAMO Charlton are thought to be lining up a £50m bid Anthony Martial at tomorrow’s Kenna transfer window, it emerged tonight.

Having waved ‘cheerio’ to global brand Jermaine Defoe, the Dynamo manager is unhindered by the Titus Bramble ruling and any rival with a war chest to challenge his own.

The stage is set for Dynamo Charlton to make shorter work of the season’s first transfer window than a cartoon superhero calling upon ‘speed of the puma’ to punch the Spaniard (pictured).

Nearly 50 points off leaders Young Boys, Dynamo have been desperate for goals and snaffling Martial will put the manager firmly in the chase for his debut league title.

The Young Boys manager released just one player, John Terry, who is officially Bramble-tied with Pedro and unofficially still in the doghouse for making an indecent proposal to the Catalan winger’s wife.

The YB boss will join many others in the hunt for one of Craig Cathcart, Allan Nyom and Sebastian Prodl, all of whom has made an overachieving start to the campaign.

Striker Jamie Vardy, midfielder Cheikhou Kouyate and defender Craig Dawson are also among targets likely to attract ludicrously overinflated bids when the league gathers in the Rugby Tavern, Bloomsbury from 6.30pm.

A total of 14 managers claimed the full £10m transfer window bonus by posting their released players to Kenna HQ by Wednesday’s deadline. Two sides claimed the £5m boon for a digital communication to administrators.

The managers of Just Put Carles, Judean Peoples’ Front and Uncertain all failed to interact at all with Kenna HQ. Only by releasing a one permitted wildcard player can they hope to do any business tomorrow.

Remaining budgets and available players were published tonight exclusively on KennaLeague.com.

Remaining budgets

Team Manager Budget (£m) Bonus (£m) Total (£m)
Dynamo Charlton Alex 40.5 10 50.5
Cowley Casuals Stu 33.5 10 43.5
Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 31 10 41
Uncertain Pete 35 0 35
Northern Monkeys Hugo 20.5 10 30.5
Pikey Scum Jack 19.5 10 29.5
Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 16 10 26
Wandsworth Network Solutions Will 16 10 26
ISIL Abdi 16 10 26
Thieving Magpies Phil 11.5 10 21.5
Team Panda George 16 5 21
KS West Green Stix 9 10 19
Walthamstow Reds Dudley 9 10 19
Bala Rinas Lewis 5 10 15
FC Testiculadew James N 4.5 10 14.5
Headless Chickens John N 8.5 5 13.5
Young Boys Denney 1 10 11
Judean Peoples’ Front Sholto 9.5 0 9.5
Just Put Carles Carles 4 0 4

Player list (spreadsheet available here)

Player POS Team Total Goals Total Points Team Status
Mahrez, R MID LEI 5 50 Young Boys
Vardy, J STR LEI 6 48
Lukaku, R STR EVE 4 46 Young Boys
Kompany, V DEF MCY 2 43 Headless Chickens
Payet, D MID WHM 3 41 Bala Rinas
Mata, J MID MUN 3 40 Wandsworth Network Solutions
Wilson, C STR BOU 5 39 Thieving Magpies Released
Kolarov, A DEF MCY 1 39 Dynamo Charlton
Barkley, R MID EVE 2 38 Judean People’s Front
Sagna, B DEF MCY 0 38 ISIL
Pelle, G STR SOT 4 38 Bala Rinas
Sanchez, A STR ARS 3 37 Carles
Hart, J GK MCY 0 36 Thieving Magpies
Sakho, D STR WHM 3 35 Young Boys
Gomis, B STR SWA 4 34 KS West Green
Dier, E DEF TOT 2 34 Bala Rinas
Mangala, E DEF MCY 0 33 Bala Rinas
Redmond, N MID NOR 3 33 Cowley Casuals
Mane, S MID SOT 1 33 Cowley Casuals
Alderweireld, T DEF TOT 1 33 Judean People’s Front
Ighalo, O STR WAT 4 33
Dawson, C DEF WBA 1 33
Smalling, C DEF MUN 0 32 Young Boys
Ayew, A MID SWA 3 32 Bala Rinas
Monreal, N DEF ARS 0 31 Young Boys
Toure, Y MID MCY 2 31 Judean People’s Front
Hoolahan, W MID NOR 1 31 Hairy Fadjeetas
Darmian, M DEF MUN 0 30 Newington Reds
Tadic, D MID SOT 3 30 FC Tescticuladew
Soares, C DEF SOT 0 30 Northern Monkeys
Gomes, H GK WAT 0 30
Cresswell, A DEF WHM 0 30 Newington Reds
Kouyate, C MID WHM 3 30
Bellerin, H DEF ARS 0 28 Dynamo Charlton
Morrison, J MID WBA 2 28
Myhill, B GK WBA 0 28
Hazard, E MID CHE 1 27 Northern Monkeys
Kone, A STR EVE 2 27
Kane, H STR TOT 1 27 Carles
McAuley, G DEF WBA 0 27
Cech, P GK ARS 0 26 Cowley Casuals
Jagielka, P DEF EVE 0 26 Northern Monkeys
Howard, T GK EVE 0 26 Uncertain
Albrighton, M MID LEI 1 26 Dynamo Charlton
Shaw, L DEF MUN 0 26 Cowley Casuals Released
Diouf, M STR STO 3 26 Pikey Scum
Vertonghen, J DEF TOT 0 26 Newington Reds
Lloris, H GK TOT 0 26 Headless Chickens
Cathcart, C DEF WAT 0 26
Giroud, O STR ARS 3 25 Team Panda
Clyne, N DEF LIV 0 25 Thieving Magpies
Arnautovic, M MID STO 1 25
Deeney, T STR WAT 0 25 Northern Monkeys
Nyom, A DEF WAT 0 25
Prodl, S DEF WAT 0 25
Gestede, R STR AVL 3 24 Cowley Casuals
Stones, J DEF EVE 0 24 Newington Reds
Drinkwater, D MID LEI 0 24
Stekelenburg, M GK SOT 0 24 Young Boys
Taylor, N DEF SWA 0 24 Wandsworth Network Solutions
Walker, K DEF TOT 0 24
Reid, W DEF WHM 0 24 Pikey Scum
Ozil, M MID ARS 0 23 Newington Reds
Fabregas, C MID CHE 0 23 Carles
Dann, S DEF CRY 1 23 Team Panda
Sako, B MID CRY 2 23
Naismith, S STR EVE 3 23
Coleman, S DEF EVE 0 23 FC Tescticuladew
Galloway, B DEF EVE 0 23
Mignolet, S GK LIV 0 23 KS West Green
Silva, D MID MCY 0 23 Team Panda
Martial, A STR MUN 3 23
Wijnaldum, G MID NEW 2 23 Northern Monkeys
Martin, R DEF NOR 3 23
Targett, M DEF SOT 0 23
Lens, J MID SUN 1 23 Young Boys
Williams, A DEF SWA 0 23 Headless Chickens
Naughton, K DEF SWA 0 23
Davies, B DEF TOT 0 23 Cowley Casuals
Noble, M MID WHM 2 23
Tomkins, J DEF WHM 0 23 Team Panda
Sinclair, S MID AVL 2 22 FC Tescticuladew
Benteke, C STR LIV 2 22 Dynamo Charlton
Skrtel, M DEF LIV 0 22 Judean People’s Front
Gomez, J DEF LIV 0 22 Uncertain
Blind, D MID MUN 1 22 Carles
Romero, S GK MUN 0 22 FC Tescticuladew Released
Brady, R MID NOR 1 22
Defoe, J STR SUN 2 22 Dynamo Charlton Released
Rondon, S STR WBA 1 22
Willian MID CHE 1 21 Team Panda
Puncheon, J MID CRY 0 21 KS West Green
Cabaye, Y MID CRY 2 21 FC Tescticuladew
Aguero, S STR MCY 1 21 KS West Green
Fernandinho MID MCY 2 21
Depay, M MID MUN 1 21 Pikey Scum
Fonte, J DEF SOT 0 21 Dynamo Charlton
Sigurdsson, G MID SWA 1 21 Pikey Scum
Fabianski, L GK SWA 0 21 Team Panda
Olsson, J DEF WBA 0 21 ISIL
Walcott, T MID ARS 2 20 FC Tescticuladew
Pedro MID CHE 1 20 Young Boys
Zaha, W MID CRY 1 20 Dynamo Charlton
Coutinho, P MID LIV 1 20 Newington Reds
Lovren, D DEF LIV 0 20
Sterling, R MID MCY 1 20 Hairy Fadjeetas
Rooney, W STR MUN 1 20 Uncertain
Chadli, N MID TOT 1 20 Hairy Fadjeetas
Lamela, E MID TOT 1 20 Pikey Scum
Koscielny, L DEF ARS 0 19 Pikey Scum
Gabriel DEF ARS 0 19
Francis, S DEF BOU 0 19 Lokomotiv Leeds
Ward, J DEF CRY 2 19 Lokomotiv Leeds
Milner, J MID LIV 1 19 Team Panda
Ward-Prowse, J MID SOT 0 19 Lokomotiv Leeds
Berahino, S STR WBA 2 19 Hairy Fadjeetas
Ogbonna, A DEF WHM 0 19 FC Tescticuladew
Costa, D STR CHE 1 18 Headless Chickens
Matic, N MID CHE 1 18 ISIL
McArthur, J MID CRY 0 18
Souare, P DEF CRY 0 18
Cisse, P STR NEW 1 18 Judean People’s Front
Jerome, C STR NOR 1 18 Northern Monkeys Released
Yoshida, M DEF SOT 0 18 Carles
Walters, J STR STO 2 18
Fernandez, F DEF SWA 0 18
Amavi, J DEF AVL 0 17 Thieving Magpies
Ritchie, M MID BOU 1 17 Dynamo Charlton
Cook, S DEF BOU 1 17
Okazaki, S STR LEI 1 17
Howson, J MID NOR 0 17
M’Vila, Y MID SUN 1 17
Cazorla, S MID ARS 0 16 Judean People’s Front
Grealish, J MID AVL 1 16 Young Boys
Westwood, A MID AVL 0 16
Richards, M DEF AVL 0 16 Team Panda
Azpilicueta, C DEF CHE 1 16 Judean People’s Front
Zouma, K DEF CHE 1 16
Navas, J MID MCY 0 16 Carles
Perez, A STR NEW 1 16
van Ginkel, M MID STO 0 16
Brunt, C MID WBA 0 16 Uncertain
Gosling, D MID BOU 1 15
Bolasie, Y MID CRY 0 15 Thieving Magpies
McCarthy, J MID EVE 0 15 Bala Rinas
de Bruyne, K MID MCY 2 15 Lokomotiv Leeds
Eriksen, C MID TOT 0 15 Thieving Magpies
Capoue, E MID WAT 0 15
Ramsey, A MID ARS 0 14 Bala Rinas
Gueye, I MID AVL 0 14
Surman, A MID BOU 0 14
Sturridge, D STR LIV 2 14 Bala Rinas
Moreno, A DEF LIV 0 14 Carles
Sissoko, M MID NEW 0 14 Uncertain
Anita, V MID NEW 0 14
Krul, T GK NEW 0 14 Dynamo Charlton
Shelvey, J MID SWA 0 14 Dynamo Charlton
Evans, J DEF WBA 0 14
McClean, J MID WBA 0 14
Moses, V MID WHM 1 14
Agbonlahor, G STR AVL 0 13
Guzan, B GK AVL 0 13 Hairy Fadjeetas
Pugh, M MID BOU 1 13
Boruc, A GK BOU 0 13
Nasri, S MID MCY 1 13 Newington Reds Released
Mbemba, C DEF NEW 0 13
Wanyama, V MID SOT 0 13 ISIL Released
van Dijk, V DEF SOT 1 13
Shaqiri, X MID STO 0 13
Johnson, G DEF STO 0 13 Thieving Magpies
Montero, J MID SWA 0 13
Mason, R MID TOT 1 13
Anya, I MID WAT 0 13 Newington Reds Released
Jurado, J MID WAT 0 13
Fletcher, D MID WBA 0 13
Randolph, D GK WHM 0 13
Ox-Chamberlain, A MID ARS 0 12 Thieving Magpies
Sanchez, C MID AVL 0 12
Gradel, M MID BOU 0 12 Northern Monkeys Released
Daniels, C MID BOU 0 12
Deulofeu, G MID EVE 0 12 Cowley Casuals Released
Barry, G MID EVE 0 12 Wandsworth Network Solutions
Schweinsteiger, B MID MUN 0 12 Northern Monkeys Released
Schneiderlin, M MID MUN 0 12 Headless Chickens
Young, A MID MUN 0 12 Team Panda
Carrick, M MID MUN 0 12 KS West Green
Haidara, M DEF NEW 0 12
Dorrans, G MID NOR 0 12
Jarvis, M MID NOR 1 12
Tettey, A MID NOR 0 12
Whelan, G MID STO 0 12
Fletcher, S STR SUN 1 12 FC Tescticuladew Released
Lanzini, M MID WHM 1 12
Coquelin, F MID ARS 0 11
Falcao, R STR CHE 1 11 Thieving Magpies
Delaney, D DEF CRY 1 11
McCarthy, A GK CRY 0 11
de Laet, R DEF LEI 1 11
Can, E MID LIV 0 11 Lokomotiv Leeds Released
Davis, S MID SOT 0 11
Butland, J GK STO 0 11 Lokomotiv Leeds
Cameron, G DEF STO 0 11
Cork, J MID SWA 0 11
Heung-Min, S STR TOT 1 11
Alli, D MID TOT 1 11
Lambert, R STR WBA 0 11 Team Panda
Yacob, C MID WBA 0 11
Obiang, P MID WHM 0 11
Oxford, R DEF WHM 0 11
Oscar MID CHE 1 10 KS West Green
Cahill, G DEF CHE 0 10 Pikey Scum
Kelly, M DEF CRY 0 10 Uncertain
Hangeland, B DEF CRY 0 10
Browning, T DEF EVE 0 10
Morgan, W DEF LEI 0 10
Ings, D STR LIV 1 10 ISIL
Bony, W STR MCY 0 10 Cowley Casuals Released
Herrera, A MID MUN 1 10 Judean People’s Front
de Gea, D GK MUN 0 10 Bala Rinas
Colback, J MID NEW 0 10 KS West Green
Coloccini, F DEF NEW 0 10 Hairy Fadjeetas
Obertan, G MID NEW 0 10
Whittaker, S DEF NOR 1 10
Long, S STR SOT 1 10 Wandsworth Network Solutions
Rodwell, J MID SUN 0 10
Zarate, M STR WHM 1 10
Lescott, J DEF AVL 0 9
Bacuna, L MID AVL 0 9
Ramires MID CHE 1 9
Begovic, A GK CHE 0 9
Kante, N MID LEI 0 9
Firmino, R MID LIV 0 9 Pikey Scum
Leiva, L MID LIV 0 9
Janmaat, D DEF NEW 1 9 Headless Chickens
Ruddy, J GK NOR 0 9
Krkic, B STR STO 1 9 Newington Reds Released
Pieters, E DEF STO 0 9 Bala Rinas
Toivonen, O MID SUN 0 9
Cattermole, L MID SUN 0 9
McManaman, C MID WBA 0 9
Gardner, C MID WBA 0 9
Gil, C MID AVL 1 8
Clark, C DEF AVL 0 8 Uncertain
King, J MID BOU 0 8
Distin, S DEF BOU 0 8
O’Kane, E MID BOU 0 8
Ivanovic, B DEF CHE 0 8 Wandsworth Network Solutions
Wickham, C STR CRY 0 8
Cleverley, T MID EVE 0 8 Headless Chickens
King, A MID LEI 0 8
Demichelis, M DEF MCY 0 8
Iheanacho, K STR MCY 1 8 Uncertain
Taylor, S DEF NEW 0 8
Rodriguez, J STR SOT 0 8 Judean People’s Front
Ireland, S MID STO 0 8
Graham, D STR SUN 0 8
Watmore, D MID SUN 1 8
Watson, B MID WAT 0 8
Adrian GK WHM 0 8 Wandsworth Network Solutions
Hutton, A DEF AVL 0 7
Mikel, J MID CHE 0 7
Ulloa, L STR LEI 0 7 Pikey Scum Released
Schmeichel, K GK LEI 0 7 Northern Monkeys Released
Henderson, J MID LIV 0 7 Cowley Casuals
Ibe, J MID LIV 0 7
Bassong, S DEF NOR 0 7 KS West Green
Caulker, S DEF SOT 0 7 Team Panda
Joselu STR STO 0 7
Muniesa, M DEF STO 0 7 Dynamo Charlton
Johnson, A MID SUN 0 7 Wandsworth Network Solutions Released
Larsson, S MID SUN 0 7
Rose, D DEF TOT 0 7 Northern Monkeys
Dembele, M MID TOT 0 7
Behrami, V MID WAT 0 7
Abdi, A MID WAT 0 7
Chambers, C DEF ARS 0 6
Veretout, J MID AVL 0 6
Murray, G STR BOU 0 6
Tomlin, L MID BOU 0 6
Elphick, T DEF BOU 0 6
Smith, A DEF BOU 0 6
Remy, L STR CHE 0 6 Lokomotiv Leeds Released
Courtois, T GK CHE 0 6 Newington Reds Released
Hennessey, W GK CRY 0 6
Dyer, N MID LEI 1 6 ISIL Released
Huth, R DEF LEI 0 6 Uncertain
Thauvin, F MID NEW 0 6
Eder STR SWA 0 6
Sung-Yueng, K MID SWA 0 6
Jenkinson, C DEF WHM 0 6 Cowley Casuals
Traore, A MID AVL 0 5
Mutch, J MID CRY 0 5
Lennon, A MID EVE 0 5
Inler, G MID LEI 0 5
Lallana, A MID LIV 0 5 Headless Chickens
Valencia, A MID MUN 0 5 ISIL Released
de Jong, S MID NEW 0 5
Romeu, O MID SOT 0 5
Afellay, I MID STO 0 5
O’Shea, J DEF SUN 0 5 KS West Green
Routledge, W MID SWA 0 5
N’Jie, C STR TOT 0 5
Bentaleb, N MID TOT 0 5
Holebas, J DEF WAT 0 5
Carroll, A STR WHM 0 5 Lokomotiv Leeds
Mertesacker, P DEF ARS 0 4 Northern Monkeys Released
Ayew, J STR AVL 0 4
Gayle, D STR CRY 0 4
Schlupp, J DEF LEI 0 4
Grabban, L STR NOR 0 4
O’Neil, G MID NOR 0 4
Martina, C DEF SOT 0 4
Adam, C MID STO 0 4 Headless Chickens
Borini, F STR SUN 0 4
Gomez, J MID SUN 0 4
Matthews, A DEF SUN 0 4
Pantilimon, C GK SUN 0 4
van Aanholt, P DEF SUN 0 4 Carles
Berghuis, S STR WAT 0 4
Arteta, M MID ARS 0 3
Richardson, K DEF AVL 0 3
Jedinak, M MID CRY 0 3
Ledley, J MID CRY 0 3
Chung-yong, L MID CRY 0 3
Oviedo, B MID EVE 0 3
Sakho, M DEF LIV 0 3 FC Tescticuladew
Fellaini, M MID MUN 0 3 Thieving Magpies Released
Jones, P DEF MUN 0 3 Lokomotiv Leeds
Mitrovic, A STR NEW 0 3 FC Tescticuladew
Aarons, R MID NEW 0 3
Wollscheid, P DEF STO 0 3
Carroll, T MID TOT 0 3
Flamini, M MID ARS 0 2
Kermorgant, Y STR BOU 0 2
Stanislas, J MID BOU 0 2
Kenedy MID CHE 0 2
Campbell, F STR CRY 0 2
Bamford, P STR CRY 0 2
Besic, M MID EVE 0 2
Funes Mori, R DEF EVE 0 2
Fuchs, C DEF LEI 0 2 Lokomotiv Leeds Released
Benalouane, Y DEF LEI 0 2
Delph, F MID MCY 0 2
Fernando MID MCY 0 2
Rojo, M DEF MUN 0 2 Hairy Fadjeetas Released
Tiote, C MID NEW 0 2
Hooper, G STR NOR 0 2
Mbokani, D STR NOR 0 2
Olsson, M DEF NOR 0 2
Juanmi STR SOT 0 2
Bertrand, R DEF SOT 0 2 KS West Green
Odemwingie, P STR STO 0 2
Wilson, M DEF STO 0 2
Jones, B DEF SUN 0 2
Britton, L MID SWA 0 2
Vorm, M GK TOT 0 2 ISIL Released
Diamanti, A MID WAT 0 2
Ake, N DEF WAT 0 2
Gamboa, C DEF WBA 0 2
Gibbs, K DEF ARS 0 1 Hairy Fadjeetas Released
Debuchy, M DEF ARS 0 1 Wandsworth Network Solutions Released
Mings, T DEF BOU 0 1 Cowley Casuals Released
Terry, J DEF CHE 0 1 Young Boys Released
Loftus-Cheek, R MID CHE 0 1
Mirallas, K MID EVE 0 1 Hairy Fadjeetas
Gibson, D MID EVE 0 1
Kramaric, A STR LEI 0 1
Origi, D STR LIV 0 1 Wandsworth Network Solutions Released
Allen, J MID LIV 0 1
Roberts, P MID MCY 0 1
McNair, P DEF MUN 0 1
Wisdom, A DEF NOR 0 1
Crouch, P STR STO 0 1
Sidwell, S MID STO 0 1
Barrow, M STR SWA 0 1
Bartley, K DEF SWA 0 1
Townsend, A MID TOT 0 1 Wandsworth Network Solutions Released
Pritchard, A MID TOT 0 1
Ibarbo, V STR WAT 0 1
Guedioura, A MID WAT 0 1
Anichebe, V STR WBA 0 1
Gnabry, S MID WBA 0 1
Jelavic, N STR WHM 0 1
Collins, J DEF WHM 0 1 Carles
Antonio, M MID WHM 0 1
Welbeck, D STR ARS 0 0 ISIL Released
Wilshere, J MID ARS 0 0 Uncertain
Campbell, J STR ARS 0 0
Rosicky, T MID ARS 0 0 Lokomotiv Leeds Released
Ospina, D GK ARS 0 0
Reine-Adelaide, J MID ARS 0 0
Bielik, K MID ARS 0 0
Kozak, L STR AVL 0 0
N’Zogbia, C MID AVL 0 0
Cole, J MID AVL 0 0
Gardner, G MID AVL 0 0
Okore, J DEF AVL 0 0
Senderos, P DEF AVL 0 0
Crespo, J DEF AVL 0 0
Ilori, T DEF AVL 0 0
Bunn, M GK AVL 0 0
Atsu, C MID BOU 0 0
Arter, H MID BOU 0 0
Rantie, T STR BOU 0 0
MacDonald, S MID BOU 0 0
Andrade, T MID BOU 0 0
Ward, E DEF BOU 0 0
Bennett, J DEF BOU 0 0
Federici, A GK BOU 0 0
Cargill, B DEF BOU 0 0
Rahman, B DEF CHE 0 0
Djilobodji, P DEF CHE 0 0
Blackman, J GK CHE 0 0
Chamakh, M STR CRY 0 0
Speroni, J GK CRY 0 0 Judean People’s Front
Appiah, K STR CRY 0 0
Mariappa, A DEF CRY 0 0
Fryers, Z DEF CRY 0 0
McCarthy, P DEF CRY 0 0
Baines, L DEF EVE 0 0 Thieving Magpies Released
Rodriguez, L STR EVE 0 0
Osman, L MID EVE 0 0
Pienaar, S MID EVE 0 0
McGeady, A MID EVE 0 0
Holgate, M DEF EVE 0 0
Robles, J GK EVE 0 0
Hibbert, T DEF EVE 0 0
James, M MID LEI 0 0
Dodoo, J MID LEI 0 0
Hammond, D MID LEI 0 0
Wasilewski, M DEF LEI 0 0
Simpson, D DEF LEI 0 0
Schwarzer, M GK LEI 0 0
Enrique, J DEF LIV 0 0
Toure, K DEF LIV 0 0
Flanagan, J DEF LIV 0 0
Rossiter, J MID LIV 0 0
Teixeira, J MID LIV 0 0
Sinclair, J STR LIV 0 0
Bogdan, A GK LIV 0 0
Otamendi, N DEF MCY 0 0
Zabaleta, P DEF MCY 0 0 Young Boys
Clichy, G DEF MCY 0 0 FC Tescticuladew
Wright, R GK MCY 0 0
Wilson, J STR MUN 0 0
Valdes, V GK MUN 0 0
Lingard, J MID MUN 0 0
Pereira, A MID MUN 0 0
Powell, N MID MUN 0 0
Johnstone, S GK MUN 0 0
Riviere, E STR NEW 0 0
Gouffran, Y MID NEW 0 0
Marveaux, S MID NEW 0 0
Williamson, M DEF NEW 0 0
Dummett, P DEF NEW 0 0
Lascelles, J DEF NEW 0 0
Mbabu, K DEF NEW 0 0
Darlow, K GK NEW 0 0
Good, C DEF NEW 0 0
Elliot, R GK NEW 0 0
Lafferty, K STR NOR 0 0
Mulumbu, Y MID NOR 0 0
Bennett, E MID NOR 0 0
Bennett, R DEF NOR 0 0
Rudd, D GK NOR 0 0
Kean, J GK NOR 0 0
Clasie, J MID SOT 0 0
Forster, F GK SOT 0 0
Ramirez, G MID SOT 0 0
Isgrove, L MID SOT 0 0
Gardos, F DEF SOT 0 0
Reed, H MID SOT 0 0
Hesketh, J MID SOT 0 0
Davis, K GK SOT 0 0
McCarthy, J DEF SOT 0 0
Gazzaniga, P GK SOT 0 0
Bardsley, P DEF STO 0 0 ISIL Released
Shawcross, R DEF STO 0 0 Judean People’s Front
El Ouriachi, M MID STO 0 0
Given, S GK STO 0 0 Carles
Teixeira, D DEF STO 0 0
Haugaard, J GK STO 0 0
Brown, W DEF SUN 0 0 ISIL Released
Bridcutt, L MID SUN 0 0
Buckley, W MID SUN 0 0
Mavrias, C MID SUN 0 0
Yedlin, D DEF SUN 0 0
Mannone, V GK SUN 0 0
Roberge, V DEF SUN 0 0
Emnes, M STR SWA 0 0
Rangel, A DEF SWA 0 0 Hairy Fadjeetas
Grimes, M MID SWA 0 0
Tabanou, F DEF SWA 0 0
Amat, J DEF SWA 0 0
Nordfeldt, K GK SWA 0 0
Tremmel, G GK SWA 0 0
Fazio, F DEF TOT 0 0
Trippier, K DEF TOT 0 0 KS West Green Released
Wimmer, K DEF TOT 0 0
Paredes, JC DEF WAT 0 0
Oulare, O STR WAT 0 0
Britos, M DEF WAT 0 0
Byers, G MID WAT 0 0
Smith, C MID WAT 0 0
Jakubiak, A STR WAT 0 0
Doherty, J DEF WAT 0 0
Mensah, B STR WAT 0 0
Doyley, L DEF WAT 0 0
Ekstrand, J DEF WAT 0 0
Hoban, T DEF WAT 0 0
Arlauskis, G GK WAT 0 0
Gilmartin, R GK WAT 0 0
Sessegnon, S MID WBA 0 0
Foster, B GK WBA 0 0 Pikey Scum Released
Lindegaard, A GK WBA 0 0
Pocognoli, S DEF WBA 0 0
Valencia, E STR WHM 0 0
Song, A MID WHM 0 0
Amalfitano, M MID WHM 0 0
Cullen, J MID WHM 0 0
Hendrie, S DEF WHM 0 0
O’Brien, J DEF WHM 0 0
Lee, E STR WHM 0 0
Henry, D DEF WHM 0 0
Spiegel, R GK WHM 0 0
Caballero, W GK MCY 0 -1
Kaboul, Y DEF SUN 0 -1
Coates, S DEF SUN 0 -1
Chester, J DEF WBA 0 -2
Austin, C STR QPR 0 0 Newington Reds Released
Cissokho, A DEF POR 0 0 Wandsworth Network Solutions Released
Benzema, K STR RMA 0 0 Hairy Fadjeetas

Kenna table – week 7

Kenna table week 7 - 29 September 2015
Kenna table week 7 – 29 September 2015

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Bala Rinas Lewis 48 3
2 Young Boys Andrew D 48 3
3 Cowley Casuals Stu 37 4
4 Pikey Scum Jack 36 4
5 Carles Carles 35 4
6 Team Panda George 32 3
7 Newington Reds Ben D 31 0
8 FC Tescticuladew James N 26 3
9 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 26 1
10 Judean People’s Front Sholto 25 1
11 Wandsworth Network Solutions Will 20 1
12 Uncertain Pete B 20 1
13 Northern Monkeys Hugo 19 1
14 Thieving Magpies Phil 19 0
15 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 16 1
16 KS West Green Stix 14 0
17 Dynamo Charlton Alex 10 0
18 ISIL Abdi 8 0
19 Headless Chickens John N 7 0
Points Player
Player of the week 20 Sanchez, A – ARS – STR
Club Carles
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KS West Green 2015/16

Chairman 69 problems
…and most of them are Kenna managers: The KS West Green manager and Kenna chairman

Manager: Stix

Twitter name@jeffkennaleague

Since: 2005 (co-founder and chairman)

Home ground: St Ann’s

Training facility: Black Boy Lane

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2005/06, Canesten Combi Cup winner 2006, treble in 2009/2010 (league, cup, Dr Khumalo World Cup 2010)

Kenna Index rating: 0.48 – 8th
2005/06 – 1st
2006/07 – 3rd
2007/08 – 7th
2008/09 – 9th
2009/10 – 1st
2010/11 – 4th
2011/12 – 16th
2012/13 – 18th (relegated)
2013/14 – 10th
2014/15 – 11th

Sympathies: Kidderminster Harriers

Darts musicLet Me Be Your Fantasy – Baby D

Season preview in one sentence (on 29 September): A team built for the hardship of a long season rather than glitz.

Mignolet, S LIV £9m
Gabriel (TW1) ARS £14m
Bertrand, R SOT £10m
Bassong, S NOR £3m
O’Shea, J SUN £0.5m
Abdi, A (TW2) WAT £0.5m
Kante, N (TW2) LEI £0.5m
Oscar CHE £11m
Fletcher, D (TW2) WAT £0.5m
Gomis, B SWA £7m
Aguero, S MCY £39m
£95m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In
Gabriel – Arsenal defender – £14m

Out
Trippier, K – Tottenham defender – free

Remaining budget: £5m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Kante, N – Leicester midfielder – £0.5m
Fletcher, D – West Brom midfielder – £0.5m
Abdi, A – Watford midfielder – £0.5m

Out
Carrick, M – Manchester United midfielder – free
Puncheon, J – Crystal Palace midfielder – free
Colback, J – Newcastle midfielder – free

Remaining budget: £13m

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Northern Monkeys 2015/16

Hugo
Complacent: The Northern Monkeys manager

Manager: Hugo (Tyneside)

Twitter name: @Hugeist

Since: 2012

Home ground: Cobbled Way

Training facility: The Outhouse

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Kenna Index rating: N/A
2012/13 – 12th
2013/14 – 14th

Sympathies: Newcastle

Darts music: Northern Calypso – Hale & Pace

Season preview in one sentence (on 29 September): Hardly a title-winning auction effort.

Myhill, B (TW1) WBA £9m
Martin, R (TW1) NOR £0.5m
Rose, D TOT £5m
Soares, C SOT £7m
Jagielka, P EVE £7m
Hazard, E CHE £39m
Kouyate, C (TW1) WHU £10m
Wijnaldum, G NEW £11m
Sako, B (TW1) CRY £8m
Borini, F (TW1) SUN £0.5m
Deeney, T WAT £0.5m
£97.5m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In
Myhill, B – West Brom goalkeeper – £9m
Martin, R – Norwich defender – £0.5m
Kouyate, C – West Ham midfielder – £10m
Sako, B – Crystal Palace midfielder – £8m
Borini, F – Sunderland striker – £0.5m

Out
Schmeichel, K – Leicester goalkeeper – £0.5m (to Walthamstow Reds)
Mertesacker, P – Arsenal defender – £0.5m (to Hairy Fadjeetas)
Schweinsteiger, B – Manchester United midfielder – free
Gredl, M – Bournemouth midfielder – free
Jerome, C – Norwich striker – £0.5m (to Headless Chickens)

Remaining budget: £4m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

No changes.

Remaining budget: £4m

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Islington Sports Islam & Leisure 2015/16

Abdi
Scourge of the high seas: The ISIL manager

Manager: Abdi (Somalia)

Twitter name: @abdinw1

Since: 2010

Home ground: Mogadishu Arena

Training facility: Spyglass Hill

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2012/13

Kenna Index rating: 0.68 – 22nd
2010/11 – 14th
2011/12 – 5th
2012/13 – 8th
2013/14 – 21st (relegated)
2014/15 – 20th (relegated)

Sympathies: Arsenal

Darts music: The Trumpet Hornpipe

Season preview in one sentence (on 28 September): For the second auction in a row the absent manager has had Serbian Nemenja thrust into his midfield by the The Rub: one could say auto-Matic-ally.

Vorm, M (TW2) TOT £?m
Sagna, B MCY £0.5m
Soares, C (TW2) SOT £?m
Walker, K (TW1) TOT £11m
Olsson, J WBA £0.5m
Johnson, A (TW2) SUN £?m
Arnautovic, M (TW1) STO £7m
Ayew, J (TW2) AVL £?m
Gosling, D (TW2) BOU £?m
Okazaki, S (TW2) LEI £?m
Ings, D LIV £0.5m
£?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In -£24.5m
Gomes, H – Watford goalkeeper – £3m
Galloway, B – Everton defender – £2m
Walker, K – Tottenham defender – £11m
Arnautovic, M – Stoke midfielder – £7m
Inler, G – Leicester midfielder – £0.5m
Moses, V – West Ham midfielder – £0.5m
Bamford, P – Crystal Palace striker – £0.5m

Out +£0.5m
Vorm, M – Tottenham goalkeeper – free
Brown, W – Sunderland defender – free
Bardsley, P – Stoke defender – free
Valencia, A – Man United midfielder – free
Wanyama, V – Southampton midfielder – free
Dyer, N – Leicester midfielder – £0.5m (to Lokomotiv Leeds)
Welbeck, D – Arsenal striker – free

Remaining budget: £2m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Vorm, M – Tottenham goalkeeper – £?m
Soares, C – Southampton defender – £?m
Johnson, A – Sunderland midfielder – £?m
Ayew, J – Aston Villa midfielder – £?m
Gosling, D – Bournemouth midfielder – £?m
Okazaki, S – Leicester striker – £?m

Out
Gomes, H – Watford goalkeeper – free
Galloway, B – Everton defender – free
Matic, N – Chelsea midfielder – free
Inler, G – Stoke midfielder – free
Moses, V – West Ham midfielder – free
Bamford, P – Crystal Palace striker – free

Remaining budget: £?m

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Pikey Scum 2015/16

Jack
Solitary cup win: The Pikey Scum manager

Manager: Jack (Hampshire)

Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)

Home ground: South Hackney Caravan Park

Training facility: Any patch of grass that riles local residents

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2008, Claudio Caniggia World Cup 2006 win (under review)

Kenna Index rating: 0.564 – 12th
2005/06 – 7th
2007/08 – 8th
2008/09 – 8th
2009/10 – 7th
2010/11 – 5th
2011/12 – 7th
2012/13 – 15th
2013/14 – 5th
2014/15 – 13th

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts musicI’m A Pikey – Enrique Iglesias

Season preview in one sentence:

Elliot, R (TW2) NEW £?m
Reid, W WHM £4m
van Dijk, V (TW1) SOT £0.5m
Cameron, G (TW2) STO £?m
Koscielny, L ARS £10m
Sigurdsson, G SWA £12m
Lamela, E TOT £6m
Depay, M MUN £11m
Firmino, R LIV £18m
Adebayor, E (TW2) CRY £?m
Ighalo, O (TW1) WAT £20m
£?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In
McCarthy, A – Crystal Palace goalkeeper – £8m
van Dijk, V – Southampton defender – £0.5m
Ighalo, O – Watford striker – £20m

Out
Foster, B – West Brom goalkeeper – free
Pearson, J – Bramble defender – free
Ulloa, L – Leicester striker – free

Remaining budget: £1m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Elliot, R – Newcastle goalkeeper – £?m
Cameron, G – Stoke defender – £?m
Adebayor, E – Crystal Palace striker – £?m

Out
McCarthy, A – Crystal Palace goalkeeper – free
Cahill, G – Chelsea defender – free
Diouf, M – Stoke striker – free

Remaining budget: £?m

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FC Testiculadew 2015/16

James N profile
‘Tache: The FC Testiculadew manager

Manager: James N (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011

Home ground: Scrotrot Street

Training facility: The Death Star

Trophy cabinet: 2013/14 and 2011/12 league and cup double, 2014 Emerson World Cup winner

Kenna Index rating: 0.137 – 1st
2011/12 – 1st
2012/13 – 2nd
2013/14 – 1st
2014/15 – 7th

Sympathies: Everton

Darts music: Space March – John Barry

Season preview in one sentence (on 28 September): An uncharacteristically underwhelming side from the Dark Lord of the Kenna, who would appear to have his hands full with Aleksander Mitrovic’s anger management issues.

Courtois, T (TW1) CHE £0.5m
Otamendi, N (TW2) MCY £?m
Morgan, W (TW2) LEI £?m
Sakho, M LIV £0.5m
Ogbonna, A WHM £4m
Walcott, T ARS £19m
Tadic, D SOT £7m
Cabaye, Y CRY £17m
Deulofeu, G (TW2) EVE £?m
Naismith, S (TW2) NOR £?m
Krkic, B (TW1) STO £2m
£?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In 
Courtois, T – Chelsea goalkeeper – £0.5m (from Walthamstow Reds)
Krkic, B – Stoke striker – £2m (from Walthamstow Reds)

Out
Romero, S – Manchester United goalkeeper – free
Fletcher, S – Sunderland striker – free

Remaining budget: £11.5m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Otamendi, N – Manchester City defender – £?m
Morgan, W – Leicester defender – £?m
Deulofeu, G – Everton midfielder – £?m
Naismith, S – Norwich striker – £?m

Out
Clichy, G – Manchester City defender – free
Coleman, S – Everton defender – free
Sinclair, S – Aston Villa midfielder – free
Mitrovic, A – Newcastle striker – free

Remaining budget: £?m

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Headless Chickens 2015/16

John N profile pic
Sucking it in: The Headless Chickens manager

Manager: John N (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011

Home ground: Guillotine Way

Training facility: The Coop

Trophy cabinet: empty

Kenna Index rating: 0.641 – 20th
2011/12 – 11th
2012/13 – 16th
2013/14 – 9th
2014/15 – 16th

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: Hala Madrid y nada mas

Season preview in one sentence (on 27 September): When a manager Brambles himself with two Read Madrid players, what further punishment can Kenna HQ mete out?

Lloris, H TOT £8m
Kompany, V MCY £14m
Janmaat, D NEW £6m
Williams, A SWA £7m
Ramos, S RMA £0.5m
Schneiderlin, M MUN £4m
Lallana, A LIV £0.5m
Cleverley, T EVE £0.5m
Adam, C STO £0.5m
Costa, D CHE £50m
Jerome, C (TW1) NOR £0.5m
£91.5m

First transfer window – Friday 2 September 2015

In
Jerome, C – Norwich striker – £0.5m

Out
Ronaldo, C – Real Madrid striker – free

Remaining budget: £13m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

No changes.

Remaining budget: £13m

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Team Panda 2015/16

George
Inbetweener: The Team Panda manager

Manager: George (Bromley)

Since: 2013

Home ground: Bamboo Avenue

Training facility: Certain Extinction

Trophy cabinet: Empty (highest finish – 6th)

Kenna Index rating: N/A
2013/14 – 6th
2014/15 – 12th

Sympathies: Millwall

Darts musicTrue Love Ways – Buddy Holly

Season preview in one sentence (on 27 September): For the third successive season, the manager is relying on Giroud for goals.

Fabianski, L SWA £9m
Caulker, S SOT £5m
Dann, S CRY £5m
Tomkins, J WHM £3m
Richards, M AVL £6m
Silva, D MCY £23m
Milner, J LIV £10m
Willian CHE £1m
Young, A MUN £1m
Giroud, O ARS £14m
Lambert, R WBA £7m
£84m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

No changes.

Remaining budget: £21m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

No changes.

Remaining budget: £21m

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Wandsworth Network Solutions 2015/16

Will and Gunnersaurus Rex
Influence at the highest echelons of the game: The Wandsworth Network Solutions manager (left)

Manager: Will (Worcestershire)

Twitter name: @chainfir3

Since: 2010

Home ground: King George’s Park

Training facility: The Alma

Trophy cabinet: Empty (highest league position – 8th in 2010/11)

Kenna Index rating: N/A
2010/11 – 8th
2012/13 – 19th

Sympathies: Kidderminster Harriers

Darts music: Mary Jane – Rick James

Season preview in one sentence (on 26 Sepetmber): Divock Origi!

Adrian WHM £0.5m
Taylor, N SWA £3m
Ivanovic, B CHE £24m
Evans, J (TW1) WBA £2m
Cathcart, C (TW1) WAT £0.5m
Mata, J MUN £19m
Barry, G EVE £0.5m
Alli, D (TW2) TOT £?m
Drinkwater, D (TW1) LEI £0.5m
Long, S SOT £1m
Perez, A (TW1) NEW £3m
£?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In
Evans, J – West Brom defender – £2m
Cathcart, C – Watford defender – £0.5m
Fernandinho – Manchester City midfielder – £0.5m
Drinkwater, D – Leicester midfielder – £0.5m
Perez, A – Newcastle striker – £3m

Out
Debuchy, M – Arsenal defender – free
Cissokho, A – Aston Villa defender – free
Townsend, A – Tottenham midfielder – free
Johnson, A – Sunderland midfielder – free
Origi, D – Liverpool striker – free

Remaining budget: £19.5m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Alli, D – Tottenham midfielder – £?m

Out
Fernandinho – Manchester City midfielder – free

Remaining budget: £?m

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Uncertain FC 2015/16

Ball profile pic
Over before it’s begun: The Uncertain manager

Manager: Pete (Teeside)

Twitter name@peterball01

Since: 2012

Home ground: Undetermined Street

Training facility: Klub Kudos

Trophy cabinet: Empty (best finish – 14th in 2012/13)

Kenna Index rating: 0.78 – 24th
2012/13 – 14th
2013/14 – 17th
2014/15 – 18th (relegated)

Sympathies: Boro

Darts musicTheme from ‘The Power Game’ – Cyril Stapleton

Season preview in one sentence (on 26 September): It’s not about glory, it’s about how many sex tapes Tom Hopper can knock out before relegation closes in.

Howard, T EVE £3m
Gomez, J LIV £0.5m
Huth, R LEI £0.5m
Kelly, M CRY £0.5m
Clark, C AVL £0.5m
Sissoko, M NEW £7m
Hopper, T BRAMBLE £16m
Wilshere, J ARS £0.5m
Brunt, C WBA £5m
Rooney, W MUN £31m
Iheanacho, K MCY £0.5m
£65m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

No changes.

Remaining budget: £35m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

No changes.

Remaining budget: £35m

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