PROTESTS have erupted all over London’s leading pub-based fantasy football league after growing discontent with its leadership boiled over.
Under the hashtag #NotMyChairman and burning blazers in a mark of dissent, managers in the Kenna League are trying to oust the chairman, claiming the need to ‘Make The Kenna Great Again’.
“He’s out of touch. It used to be you got a weekly update which was witty and relevant. Now it’s just whatever chaff comes into his head too long after the event,” said the Lokomotiv Leeds manager at a demonstration outside the club’s Bellend Road stadium.
“There’s been no news on group fixtures for the Narcozep Cup. I’m 17th in the league and I still have convicted paedophile Adam Johnson in my midfield. I need a decent cup run,” said the Piss Poor manager from the rolled down passenger window of a Range Rover parked behind a Chinese restaurant.
“He hasn’t even updated the teams after the October transfer window. If Duncan Watmore or Sofiane Boufal gets an assist I’m looking at the Kenna site, I haven’t got a clue who’s signed them. I’m in a mid-table dogfight, for crying out loud,” chanted the Burqini Pool Party manager before assuring Dubai police his protest was nothing to do with UAE authorities.
“Last week the chairman posted a report about looking for dick in the Polish forest. That really isn’t my kind of thing. I’m a classy guy,” said the manager of Two Goals One Cup.
Factions in the Kenna HQ boardroom were quick to use the unrest to intensify an ongoing power struggle for the top job.
“The chairman has been in charge for too long,” said the Young Boys manager, who is also league vice-chairman.
“Times were any murmurs from managers were quickly put down by a wet team from the league’s fearsome manager experiences department. But these days the chairman is losing his grip.
“The Kenna HQ Fritzl Suite once struck terror into the hearts of any manager. Now the chairman’s using it to make homemade quince vodka.
“Quince! I ask you! The time to strike is now!”
Breaking news from the Kenna HQ Fritzl Suite: the quince vodka batches now have names #KennaPigwa #Pigwa pic.twitter.com/KTi7i1lTg2
— Stix (@jeffkennaleague) November 14, 2016
Kenna table week 11
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