IT was only a matter of time before the Kenna’s own pussy-stroking villain went top of the league.
Having hovered around the top four for the first half of the season, FC Testiculadew saw Tom Heaton, Kyle Walker, Christian Fuchs, Alex Iwobi and Eden Hazard score in the teens in a bumper week over New Year and Zlatan rack up 25 points.
Known as the Tactical Brambler for his ruthless interpretation of league rules, the FCT manager was also in the winning tag team of the inaugural Roque Santa Claus Christmas Cup.
“Pathetic earthlings!” Ming the Mercilessed the Tactical Brambler to journalists outside the club’s Death Star training facility.
“Hurling your fantasy football teams out into the void, without the slightest inkling of who or what is out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the Kenna League, anything at all, you would’ve hidden from it in terror.”
But there was unwelcome turn of events for the FCT manager.
This evening Kenna HQ issued details of the Christmas Cup prize and confirmed only the weaker half of the winning tag team – in this case mid-table Walthamstow Reds – would gain free entry to next season’s Kenna League.
Reds face Christmas Cup tag team partner FCT in Narcozep Cup group A this weekend, which is now being touted as a grudge tie.
Ironically, the dip in form in the last month that saw Islington Sports Islam & Leisure fall from first to third place is the only Christmas catastrophe to which ISIL have not laid claim.
Roque Santa Claus Christmas Cup
1. (was 1) Testicureds 431 (FC Testiculadew 260 / Walthamstow Reds 171)
2. (was 4) Leeds Burqini 404 (Lokomotiv Leeds 172/ Burqini Pool Party 232)
3. (was 3) Lesbian Panda 403 (Sporting Lesbian 226 / Team Panda 177)
4. (was 2) So Good They Ate Pies Twice 373 (Thieving Magpies 215/ So Good They Named Him Twice 158)
5. (was 5) Vauxhall Chinese Takeaway 367 (Young Boys of Vauxhall 230/ Adam Johnson Fan Club 137)
6. (was 6) Charlton Towers 357 (Sleptember XI 232/ Dynamo Charlton 125)
7. (was 10) The Peoples’ Front of Cowley 311 (Cowley Casuals 179/ Judean Peoples’ Front 132)
8. (was 9) Bala Monkeys 287 (Bala Rinas 146/ Northern Monkeys 141)
9. (was 11) Two Pegs One Hook 271 (ISIL 171/ Two Goals One Cup 100)
10. (was 7) Pikey Network Failure 181 (Pikey Scum 98 / Wandsworth Network Solutions 83)
11. (was 8) Just Piss Poor 178 (Piss Poor 111 / Just Put Carles 67)
Kenna table – week 18
Full scores available from The Rub.
Narcozep Cup fixtures
|
10-Jan-17 |
Walthamstow Reds |
0 |
0 |
FC Testiculadew |
|
10-Jan-17 |
ISIL |
0 |
0 |
Lokomotiv Leeds |
|
10-Jan-17 |
Northern Monkeys |
0 |
0 |
Sleptember XI |
|
10-Jan-17 |
Wandsworth Network Solutions |
0 |
0 |
Thieving Magpies |
|
10-Jan-17 |
Team Panda |
0 |
0 |
Burqini Pool Party |
|
10-Jan-17 |
Piss Poor |
0 |
0 |
Bala Rinas |
|
10-Jan-17 |
Just put charlie |
0 |
0 |
So Good They Named Him Twice |
|
10-Jan-17 |
Cowley Casuals |
0 |
0 |
Dynamo Charlton |
|
10-Jan-17 |
Young Boys |
0 |
0 |
Pikey Scum |
|
10-Jan-17 |
Adam Johnson Fan Club |
0 |
0 |
Two Goals One Cup |
