EYEBROWS in the Kenna League are being cocked more times than Dick Turpin’s pistol as committee members dominate three of the top four spots in the table.
Murmurs of foul play are echoing around the league, especially since the auction night debacle that saw 27 appeals submitted when player sales were incorrectly logged.
Two times Kenna League and Cup double winner the Dark Lord, whose team sits 16th in the table, led the dissent.
“By now I should be wiping the floor with these impudent earthlings, easily overcoming their foolish fascination with paying big money for English players, but this season I’m lower mid-table.
“This is unacceptable. I shall crush them like an Imperial general’s windpipe,” he thundered at the club’s training facility The Death Star, overlooking his 14th-placed finish last season.
Nathaniel Clyne, Yerry Mina and Pablo Zabaleta are yet to register a single point between them for the Dark Lord’s side.
Pikey Scum continue to defend the maiden Kenna title they won last season, picking up August’s Manager of the Month award.
Silent bids for Aleksander Mitrovic, Harry Kane, Kyle Walker and Rui Patricio have all payed off, but the fact the Pikey Scum manager is the one who set up the spreadsheet that failed so epic a fashion has set tongues wagging.
“It’s embarrassing really,” said the Scum boss. “I won the [Dmitri] Kharine [World Cup 2018] with silent bids from New York because everyone at the London auction [allegedly] got high [on MRSA, allegedly] and made terrible buying decisions.
“What can possibly be your excuses this time?”
The chairman stands of accused of dereliction of duty during a trying month for the Kenna, buggering off the Algarve and soaking his liver in Super Bock and vinho verde.
“These rumours are heavily unfounded. I continue to work tirelessly for the good of the Kenna,” he told a press conference in Faro.
Kenna table week 4
Full scores available from The Rub
Kenna table week 3
