2018 – Page 2 – The Jeff Kenna League

Russian suspects named in Kharine ‘poisoning’ scandal

POLICE have released photos of two Russian agents suspected of poisoning managers at a World Cup fantasy football auction this summer.

Ruslan Borishov and Alexander Petrov were captured on CCTV at a train station (pictured) just hours before the Dmitri Kharine World Cup 2018 auction descended into chaos with several managers allegedly testing positive for a banned substance.

Thought to be agents of the Russian military intelligence unit GRU, the two men are suspected to have poisoned participants in ‘The Kharine’ held at the Hoop & Grapes on Farringdon Road.

Kharine managers have repeatedly denied reports Kenna League-backed doping. They claim the CCTV image ‘proves beyond doubt the Russians are behind everything’.

The manager of Breivik Babes, who finished fourth from bottom in the Kharine, says Russian interference cost him the chance of winning the competition.

He said: “During the Kharine auction I was briefly mindless and when I came to I’d bought Mauro Icardi. He wasn’t even in the Argentina squad.

“The Russians are definitely behind this. You’d never find me getting high at a Kenna auction.”

The Kharine ‘poisoning’ was so widespread a manager absent from the auction ended up winning the competition putting in silent bids from New York.

At the time the Pikov Scuminov manager said the victory ‘doesn’t feel right’.

Mo Me The Mané 2018/19

Manager: Mackay (Shrewsbury)

Since: 2018

Home ground: Salah Street

Training facility: The Sadio

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Form
Debut season

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: Show Me The Money – Mike Diva

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £13m
Spend: £12.5m
Players sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £0.5m

Lossl, J	HUD	£5.00
Rose, D	TOT	£8.00
Dunk, L	BTN	£4.00
Tarkowski, J	BUR	£6.00
Matip, J	LIV	£5.00
Silva, D	MCY	£22.00
Seri, J	FUL	£11.00
Hughes, W	WAT	£3.00
Brooks, D (TW1)	BOU	£12.00
Rashford, M	MUN	£12.00
Bonatini, L (TW1)	WLV	£0.50
		£88.50

Auction XI

Lossl, J	HUD	£5.00
Rose, D	TOT	£8.00
Dunk, L	BTN	£4.00
Tarkowski, J	BUR	£6.00
Matip, J	LIV	£5.00
Silva, D	MCY	£22.00
Seri, J	FUL	£11.00
Hughes, W	WAT	£3.00
Barry Bennell	BRM	£16.00
Rashford, M	MUN	£12.00
Rolf Harris	BRM	£5.00
		£97.00

Clotted Cream First 2018/19

Bloody Mary: The Clotted Cream First manager

Manager: Oli (Devon)

Since: 2018

Home ground: The Dairy

Training facility: Princetown

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Form
Debut season

Sympathies: Exeter City

Darts music: Devonshire Cream and Cider – Malcolm McEachern

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £11m
Spend: £10m
Player sales: £0.5m (Lanzini to Lokomotiv Leeds)
Remaining budget: £1.5m

Lloris, H	TOT	£15.00
Alexander-Arnold, T	LIV	£6.00
Ake, N	BOU	£4.00
Lascelles, J	NEW	£7.00
Valencia, A	MUN	£8.00
McArthur, J	CRY	£2.00
Xhaka, G	ARS	£0.50
Costa, H (TW1)	WLV	£8.00
Barkley, R (TW1)	CHE	£2.00
Aguero, S	MCY	£40.00
Austin, C	SOT	£11.00
		£103.50

Auction XI

Lloris, H	TOT	£15.00
Alexander-Arnold, T	LIV	£6.00
Ake, N	BOU	£4.00
Lascelles, J	NEW	£7.00
Valencia, A	MUN	£8.00
McArthur, J	CRY	£2.00
Xhaka, G	ARS	£0.50
Lanzini, M	WHM	£5.00
Izquierdo, J	BTN	£0.50
Aguero, S	MCY	£40.00
Austin, C	SOT	£11.00
		£99.00

Dagger’n Redbridge 2018/19

Rob anon — Hay carumba: The Dagger’n Redbridge manager

Manager: Rob (London)

Twitter name: @pixelbasheriser

Since: 2018

Home ground: Elm Park

Training facility: Rippleside Knife Bin

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Form
Debut season

Sympathies: QPR

Darts music: Chelsea Dagger – The Fratellis

Second transfer window – February 2019

Starting budget: £118.5m
Spend: £44.5m
Player sales:
Remaining budget:

Ryan, M	BTN	£0.50
Tarkowski, J	BUR	£3.00
Smith, A	BOU	£0.50
Morgan, W	LEI	£0.50
Rice, D	WHM	£9.00
Foden, P	MCY	£1.00
Matic, N	MUN	£0.50
Ibe, J	BOU	£12.00
March, S	BTN	£15.00
Llorente, F	TOT	£0.50
Gray, D	LEI	£15.00
		£57.50

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £108.5
Spend: N/A
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £108.5m

Ryan, M	BTN	£0.50
Tarkowski, J	BUR	£3.00
Smith, A	BOU	£0.50
Morgan, W	LEI	£0.50
Klavan, R	LIV	£0.50
Foden, P	MCY	£1.00
Matic, N	MUN	£0.50
Dembele, M	TOT	£0.50
Romeu, O	SOT	£0.50
Ayew, J	CRY	£0.50
Abraham, T	CHE	£0.50
		£8.50

Auction XI

Ryan, M	BTN	£0.50
Tarkowski, J	BUR	£3.00
Smith, A	BOU	£0.50
Morgan, W	LEI	£0.50
Klavan, R	LIV	£0.50
Foden, P	MCY	£1.00
Matic, N	MUN	£0.50
Dembele, M	TOT	£0.50
Romeu, O	SOT	£0.50
Ayew, J	CRY	£0.50
Abraham, T	CHE	£0.50
		£8.50

Still Don’t Know Yet 2018/19

Undecided: The Don’t Know Yet manager

Manager: Pete (Teeside)

Twitter name: @peterball01

Since: 2012

Home ground: Undetermined Street

Training facility: Klub Kudos

Trophy cabinet: Empty (best finish – 14th in 2012/13)

Form
2012/13 – 14th
2013/14 – 17th
2014/15 – 18th (relegated)
2015/16 – 19th (relegated)
2017/18 – 7th

Sympathies: Boro

Darts music: Theme from ‘The Power Game’ – Cyril Stapleton

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £11.5m
Spend: £5m
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £6.5m

Etheridge, N (TW1)	CAR	£0.50
Gibson, B	BUR	£4.00
Fosu-Mensah, T	FUL	£1.00
Hoedt, W	SOT	£0.50
Schlupp, J (TW1)	CRY	£0.50
Traore, A	WLV	£11.00
Eriksen, C	TOT	£29.00
Lallana, A	LIV	£0.50
Bernard	EVE	£0.50
Aubameyang, P	ARS	£40.00
Muto, Y (TW1)	NEW	£4.00
		£93.00

Auction XI

Romero, S	MUN	£2.00
Gibson, B	BUR	£4.00
Fosu-Mensah, T	FUL	£1.00
Hoedt, W	SOT	£0.50
Mangala, E	MCY	£0.50
Traore, A	WLV	£11.00
Eriksen, C	TOT	£29.00
Lallana, A	LIV	£0.50
Bernard	EVE	£0.50
Aubameyang, P	ARS	£40.00
Batshuayi, M	CHE	£11.00
		£98.50

Test Team (Please Ignore) 2018/19

Paul pic — Chilling with my bitch: The Sleptember XI manager

Manager: Paul

Twitter name: @whitewashweb

Since: 2016

Home ground: Autumn Road

Training facility: The Schlepp

Trophy cabinet: empty

Form
2016/17 – 6th
2017/18 – 21st

Sympathies: Manchester United

Darts music: September – Earth, Wind & Fire

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £17m
Spend: N/A
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £17m

Alisson	LIV	£20.00
Davies, B	TOT	£12.00
Smalling, C	MUN	£6.00
Mustafi, S	ARS	£7.00
Cresswell, A	WHM	£5.00
Mahrez, R	MCY	£19.00
Loftus-Cheek, R	CHE	£0.50
Schurrle, A	FUL	£16.00
Gudmundsson, JB	BUR	£3.00
King, J	BOU	£4.00
Zohore, K	CAR	£0.50
		£93.00

Auction XI

Alisson	LIV	£20.00
Davies, B	TOT	£12.00
Smalling, C	MUN	£6.00
Mustafi, S	ARS	£7.00
Cresswell, A	WHM	£5.00
Mahrez, R	MCY	£19.00
Loftus-Cheek, R	CHE	£0.50
Schurrle, A	FUL	£16.00
Gudmundsson, JB	BUR	£3.00
King, J	BOU	£4.00
Zohore, K	CAR	£0.50
		£93.00

Sporting Lesbian 2018/19

Sloth: The Sporting Lesbian manager

Manager: Ben M (Cumbria)

Twitter name: @BenMarcangelo

Since: 2012

Home ground: Todger Dodger Street

Training facility: The Dyke

Last season: 8th

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2012/13 and 2014/15

Kenna Index rating TBC
2012/13 – 1st
2013/14 – 8th
2014/15 – 1st
2015/16 – missed auction due to washing machine delivery
2016/17 – 8th
2017/18 – 2nd

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: Lesbian Seagull – David van Driessen

First transfer window – October 2019

Starting budget: £19m
Spend: £12m
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £7m

Darlow, K (TW1)	NEW	£0.50
Bellerin, H	ARS	£10.00
Wan-Bissaka, A (TW1)	CRY	£11.00
Janmaat, D (TW1)	WAT	£0.50
Chilwell, B	LEI	£0.50
Sane, L	MCY	£27.00
Sessegnon, R	FUL	£17.00
Henderson, J	LIV	£0.50
Kovacic, M	CHE	£0.50
Arnautovic, M	WHM	£23.00
Wood, C	BUR	£11.00
		£91.00

Auction XI

Guaita, V	CRY	£0.50
Bellerin, H	ARS	£10.00
Kongolo, T	HUD	£0.50
Schar, F	NEW	£0.50
Chilwell, B	LEI	£0.50
Sane, L	MCY	£27.00
Sessegnon, R	FUL	£17.00
Henderson, J	LIV	£0.50
Kovacic, M	CHE	£0.50
Arnautovic, M	WHM	£23.00
Wood, C	BUR	£11.00
		£91.00

Tottenham Network Solutions 2018/19

Will and Gunnersaurus Rex — Influences at the highest echelons of the game: The TNS manager (left)

Manager: Will (Worcestershire)

Twitter name: @chainfir3

Since: 2010

Home ground: King George’s Park

Training facility: The Alma

Trophy cabinet: Empty (highest league position – 8th in 2010/11)

Kenna Index rating: N/A
2010/11 – 8th
2012/13 – 19th (relegated)
2013/14 – did not enter
2014/15 – did not enter
2015/16 – 7th
2016/17 – 10th
2017/18 – 13th

Sympathies: Kidderminster Harriers

Darts music: Mary Jane – Rick James

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £10m
Spend: £0.5m
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £9.5m

Leno, B	ARS	£10.00
Otamendi, N	MCY	£18.00
Alderweireld, T	TOT	£11.00
Pereira, R	LEI	£5.00
Lindelof, V	MUN	£0.50
Zaha, W	CRY	£21.00
Anguissa, A (TW1)	FUL	£0.50
Doucoure, A	WAT	£6.00
Gueye, I	EVE	£0.50
Giroud, O	CHE	£14.00
Defoe, J	BOU	£6.00
		£92.50

Auction XI

Leno, B	ARS	£10.00
Otamendi, N	MCY	£18.00
Alderweireld, T	TOT	£11.00
Pereira, R	LEI	£5.00
Lindelof, V	MUN	£0.50
Zaha, W	CRY	£21.00
Savile, J	BRM	£8.00
Doucoure, A	WAT	£6.00
Gueye, I	EVE	£0.50
Giroud, O	CHE	£14.00
Defoe, J	BOU	£6.00
		£100.00

Piss Poor 2018/19

Sucking it in: The Headless Chickens manager

Manager: John N (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011

Home ground: Guillotine Way

Training facility: The Coop

Trophy cabinet: empty

Form
2011/12 – 11th
2012/13 – 16th
2013/14 – 9th
2014/15 – 16th
2015/16 – 18th (relegated)
2016/17 – 21st (relegated)
2017/18 – 11th

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: Hala Madrid y nada mas

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £16m
Spend: N/A
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £16m

Schmeichel, K	LEI	£11.00
Kompany, V	MCY	£5.00
Trippier, K	TOT	£15.00
Coleman, S	EVE	£8.00
Koscielny, L	ARS	£9.00
Jorginho	CHE	£6.00
Shelvey, J	NEW	£7.00
Mooy, A	HUD	£5.00
Lingard, J	MUN	£17.00
Sturridge, D	LIV	£9.00
Vietto, L	FUL	£2.00
		£94.00

Auction XI

Schmeichel, K	LEI	£11.00
Kompany, V	MCY	£5.00
Trippier, K	TOT	£15.00
Coleman, S	EVE	£8.00
Koscielny, L	ARS	£9.00
Jorginho	CHE	£6.00
Shelvey, J	NEW	£7.00
Mooy, A	HUD	£5.00
Lingard, J	MUN	£17.00
Sturridge, D	LIV	£9.00
Vietto, L	FUL	£2.00
		£94.00

Hairy Fadjeetas 2018/19

Manager: Aiden (Yorkshire)

Twitter name: @Br15land

Since: 2011

Home ground: Bikini Lane

Training facility: The Growler

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Form
2011/12 – 15th
2012/13 – 9th
2013/14 – 13th
2014/15 – 10th
2015/16 – 17th (relegated)
2016/17 – 3rd
2017/18 – 8th

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Darts music: Inner Circle – Sweat

Second transfer window – February 2019

Starting budget: £20m
Spend: £0.5m
Player sales:
Remaining budget: £19.5m

Dubravka, M	NEW	£2.00
Aurier, S	TOT	£0.50
Monreal, N	ARS	£0.50
Mawson, A (TW2)	FUL	£0.50
Digne, L	EVE	£0.50
Sterling, R	MCY	£29.00
Mata, J	MUN	£5.00
Pritchard, A	HUD	£3.00
Anderson, F	WHM	£11.00
Firmino, R	LIV	£33.00
Ings, D	SOT	£15.00
		£100.00

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £10m
Spend: £0.5m
Player sales: £0.5m (Christensen to Craven Cottaging)
Remaining budget: £10m

Dubravka, M	NEW	£2.00
Aurier, S	TOT	£0.50
Monreal, N	ARS	£0.50
Moses, V (TW1)	CHE	£0.50
Digne, L	EVE	£0.50
Sterling, R	MCY	£29.00
Mata, J	MUN	£5.00
Pritchard, A	HUD	£3.00
Anderson, F	WHM	£11.00
Firmino, R	LIV	£33.00
Ings, D	SOT	£15.00
		£100.00

Auction XI

Dubravka, M	NEW	£2.00
Aurier, S	TOT	£0.50
Monreal, N	ARS	£0.50
Christensen, A	CHE	£0.50
Digne, L	EVE	£0.50
Sterling, R	MCY	£29.00
Mata, J	MUN	£5.00
Pritchard, A	HUD	£3.00
Anderson, F	WHM	£11.00
Firmino, R	LIV	£33.00
Ings, D	SOT	£15.00
		£100.00