Titus Bramble earned his Kenna crown of notoriety while plying his trade at Newcastle.
During his time on Tyneside, Bramble was nicknamed variably Titus Bungle, Titus Shambles, Shitus Bramble or Twattus Bollocks by fans of the club as well as other clubs.
Players are selected to the Bramble pool for any number of reasons, and mainly because in any pub across the country they’d be immediately labelled in a similar fashion to Titus above.
However, in the spirit of Titus all Bramble players should stand a chance of picking up appearance points, and maybe even a goal or clean sheet. This criteria may not be so rigorously applied during Summer tournaments.
A selection of Bramble players are picked before the auction with which to punish errant managers and entertain the remainder of the league.
The Bramble Jersey
In the wake of Sir Bradley Wiggins’ Tour de France victory in summer 2012, the committee introduced a new tradition to the Kenna – the Bramble Jersey.
A Wigan Athletic shirt thought to have been worn by Titus in a game against West Ham was procured and first shown at the August auction. Le Maillot Merde went on to be awarded to the Vasco De Beauvoir manager at the October transfer window.
Bramble Jersey wearers:
- October 2012 – the Vasco De Beauvoir manager
- February 2013 – the Woking manager
The Kenna spirit
The Kenna has always been a gentlemanly organisation and this spirit is expected to be promoted by all managers at all times. It is not possible for the league to monitor every bid from every manager, nor would it want to do so.
There is also no desire to create a culture of fear where managers attempt to catch each other out based on the slightest misdemeanour. We’re British.
This leads us to three important observations.
- Accidental and incidental Brambling – if a manager is deemed to have accidentally Brambled, has corrected their error themselves and their actions have had no material impact on any other managers and the auction as a whole then, at the discretion of the Chairman, this may be overlooked without further punishment apart from a stern warning and an order to go to the bar, buy an apple sourz and down it. The offending manager may not bid for players, and their opinion is not deemed to be valid, until this action has been completed.
- Tactical Brambling – if any manager is found to be acting against the spirit of the Bramble ruling (e.g. by deliberately bidding for a player they know they can’t have in their team in order to free up funds), they must, without quibble, buy a Pink Gin and down it. Until this action has been completed they cannot bid for players or offer an opinion, and may be referred to as ‘Pariah’ until their glass of Pink Gin is empty. It must be proved beyond all reasonable doubt that tactical Brambling has taken place for this rule to be enacted.
- The ‘throwing your toys out of the pram and threatening to take your ball home’ ruling (otherwise known as ‘Mogadishu Rules’) – if any manager should fall foul of the Bramble ruling and fails to take their punishment with understanding and good grace they will immediately be subject to a chorus of booing and jeering, preferably accompanied by shouts of “down wi’ dat sorta t’ing”. In extreme circumstances the manager may be asked to face the disciplinary committee to determine whether s/he is to be suspended by the league for taking the whole thing too damn seriously.
In all these instances, please remember: the Chairman’s decision is final.
