The Hairy Fadjeetas manager has claimed a ‘striker conspiracy’ is the reason for his side’s poor form.
Having reached the heady heights of fourth place in the third week of the season, Fadges lost form and dropped down the table a little each week since. They now find themselves struggling in 11th place.
Striker problems have characterised the side’s performances. The hopeless partnership of Glenn Murray and David Nugent scored but one goal between them in the first seven competitive weeks.
At October’s transfer window the manager’s only business was to discard the pair in favour of Radamel Falcao and Papiss Cisse, which everyone except the Senegalese viewed as a bit of a gamble. According to official league records both forwards are yet to register a goal.
Fadges have relied on goals from midfield. Eden Hazard is their top scorer.
Through his rolled-down car window outside the club’s Bikini Lane ground the Fadges boss said to journalists this morning: “There’s a striker conspiracy and I won’t rest until I’ve found the missing goals.
“My message to the many fans of Hairy Fadjeetas is: the only way is up. To experience the smooth we sometimes have to the tackle the rough, and that’s what everyone at this club is hell bent on achieving. Tackling the rough.”
Kenna HQ has dismissed the manager’s comments as sour grapes. A smug chairman said: “This is the first we’ve heard of any ‘missing goals’. We would suggest the only thing Hairy Fadjeetas are missing is a decent manager. And some Canesten Com….oh, shit a brick! I’ve forgotten to arrange the cup draw. Interview terminated. No, naff off. Somebody open up the Kenna HQ situation room. Get those little bits of torn up paper. Where’s my drink?”
Kenna table
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 42 | 3 |
| 2 | Cowley Casuals | Stu | 33 | 1 |
| 3 | Walthamstow Reds | Dudley | 31 | 2 |
| 4 | Just Put Carles | Carles | 26 | 1 |
| 5 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 25 | 2 |
| 6 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 24 | 2 |
| 7 | Fat Ladies | Ted | 24 | 0 |
| 8 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 23 | 0 |
| 9 | Headless Chickens | John N | 23 | 0 |
| 10 | Piedmonte | Phil | 22 | 0 |
| 11 | Judean People’s Front | Sholto | 22 | 0 |
| 12 | Team Panda Rules OK | George | 20 | 1 |
| 13 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 19 | 2 |
| 14 | KS West Green | Stix | 19 | 0 |
| 15 | St Reatham FC | Mike | 18 | 1 |
| 16 | Young Boys | Denney | 17 | 0 |
| 17 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 16 | 1 |
| 18 | Hoxton Pirates | Abdi | 16 | 1 |
| 19 | FC Tescticuladew | James N | 12 | 0 |
| 20 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 9 | 0 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 11 | Ings, D – BUR – STR | ||
| Club | Unsigned |
