The Hoop and Grapes, Farringdon

A KENNA manager embezzled money from classic car sales to bankroll his team, it has emerged.

Five players from the Judean Peoples’ Front team were bought using £11m made from flogging a well-known, carrot top’s collection of Ferraris and Jaguars.

“It’s poppycock to suggest I’ve used the credit from classic car sales to buy Jay Rodriguez (£6m), Papiss Cisse (£0.5m), Ander Herrera (£0.5m), Tony Alderweireld (£3m) and Ryan Shawcross (£1m),” said the Judean Peoples’ Front manager, picking a ginger pube from between his teeth.

The controversy is the only blemish on an otherwise superb fantasy football auction held at the Hoop and Grapes in Farringdon on Saturday.

For nearly six hours, 16 managers battled it out. The auction was augmented by silent bids from a further three absent managers.

The Titus Bramble forfeit ruling was enforced just twice in the afternoon. The absence of the Somali manager of ISIL was largely agreed as the reason why Titus made such few appearances.

Full week one scores available from The Rub.

Kenna table

Weekly scores

		Manager	Points	Goals
1	Judean People’s Front	Sholto	43	4
2	Dynamo Charlton	Alex	42	3
3	FC Tescticuladew	James N	37	2
4	Team Panda	George	36	0
5	Cowley Casuals	Stu	34	2
6	KS West Green	Stix	33	2
7	Bala Rinas	Lewis	32	2
8	Young Boys	Andrew D	32	2
9	Thieving Magpies	Phil	31	0
10	Newington Reds	Ben D	27	1
11	Uncertain	Pete B	26	0
12	Wandsworth Network Solutions	Will	24	1
13	Northern Monkeys	Hugo	24	1
14	Headless Chickens	John N	22	1
15	Hairy Fadjeetas	Aiden	21	0
16	Pikey Scum	Jack	17	0
17	ISIL	Abdi	17	0
18	Carles	Carles	14	0
19	Lokomotiv Leeds	Ben S	11	0
		Points	Player
	Player of the week	13	Albrighton, M – LEI – MID
		Club	Dynamo Charlton