ROB Green has signed for Chelsea to introduce the club’s new foreign signings to English culture.
The 38-year-old goalkeeper isn’t expected to take part in any football matches, just show new players famous London landmarks and introduce them to British cuisine.
Chelsea’s £50.4m signing Jorginho was the first to go on Green’s induction and spoke about his experience.
“Yesterday Rob take me Tower of London. I say to him ‘Rob, what are these men in the red facking uniforms?’
“He tell me they are Beefeaters. You English crazy. How they going catch crooks stealing the crown jewels in that stupid facking outfit.
Green then took Jorginho on a Thames Clipper cruise before the pair went for lunch.
“I tell him ‘Rob, I want to eat the fish and the facking chips, Rob. The fish and the facking chips.’
“He show me saveloy sausage and teach me new phrase ‘oi oi, saveloy’.
“We get the fish and the facking chips in paper and eat sitting on wall in front of tower block, like the real English people. I take one bite and say ‘Rob, this English food it taste like the facking shit.”
Should Chelsea sign Juventus centre-back Daniele Rugani, Green plans to take him to Madame Tussauds before going for pie and mash in Islington.
Kenna League managers are not expected to sign Green at next month’s fantasy football auction, but interest in Jorginho is likely to see the Italian fetch a high price in the bidding.
“Oi, oi, facking saveloy,” said the former Napoli midfielder.
