MISSING journalist Jamal Khashoggi is expected to make a shock appearance at the Kenna League transfer window on Friday (19 October).
Turkish authorities alerted news outlets to Khashoggi’s disappearance earlier this month with allegations of undercover involvement by a Saudi Arabia government unhappy with the journalist’s criticism of the regime.
Sources inside Kenna HQ contradict that narrative.
They claim a set of CCTV stills proves beyond doubt the journalist was kidnapped by the Kenna HQ manager experiences department, a notorious wing of the fantasy football league’s apparatus involved in blackmail, kidnapping and ‘wet work’.
It is thought Khashoggi is set to make his debut as a Titus Bramble forfeit player at Friday’s window.
Khashoggi will join Jimmy Savile, Barry Bennell, Ian Brady, Rolf Harris, Harold Shipman and Stuart Hazell as a Bramble player, the others being released by managers ahead of today’s noon player release deadline.
A source at the Saudi consulate concurred with the Kenna HQ account in quotes cited reported by Al-Jazeera: “Khashoggi did visit the consulate but left via the back door. There were a few guys outside, he talked to them and then they got into a Hertz rental car. One of the guys looked a lot like Emanuel Pogatetz.
“Like we said, it’s just a total coincidence the Saudi consul decided to redecorate his residence afterwards.”
In a statement earlier, the Kenna chairman said: “To think the Saudis would abduct and murder a man on foreign soil just because he criticised the regime. How ridiculous! What’s next: Russian spies unleashing nerve agent in English cathedral cities?
“Anyway, we’re really getting our money’s worth out of that Saudi Arabia bunting we bought for the Kharine World Cup.”
A total of 18 players were released by managers today (below). As usual the auction spendthrift Dynamo Charlton manager takes the biggest war chest into the transfer window: £37.5m.
Khashoggi style – alternative journalist disappearance in pictures
Biggin Hill Airport – A private plane registered to Kenna HQ is spotted preparing for take off the night before Khashoggi’s disappearance.
Ataturk Airport, Istanbul – Members of the Kenna manager experiences department, including Clint Dempsey and Emanuel Pogatetz, are seen being waved through airport security.
North London – Jamal Khashoggi seen arriving at Kenna HQ this week under the watchful eye of manager experiences department ‘muscle’.
Released players and remaining budgets
*indicates a manager absent from the auction receiving the average remaining budget
| Manager | Releases | Remaining budget | Remaining budget (inc. bonus) | Auction attendance |
| Dynamo Charlton | Hernandez (WHU, ST) | 27.5 | 37.5 | Present |
| Dulwich Red Sox | None | 19.5 | 29.5 | Present |
| Lokomotiv Leeds | Fabinho (LIV, MF), Bonatini (WLV, ST) | 18 | 28 | Present |
| Dark Lord | Clyne (LIV, DF) | 11.5 | 21.5 | Present |
| Sporting Lesbian | Guaita (CRY, GK), Kongolo (HUD, DF), Schar (NEW, DF) | 9 | 19 | Present |
| Dagger’n’Redbridge | None | 8.5* | 18.5 | Absent |
| The treasurer | Balogun (BTN, DF), Joselu (NEW, ST), Perez (WHU, ST) | 8.5* | 18.5 | Absent |
| Pikey Scum | None | 8.5* | 18.5 | Absent |
| Newington Reds | Phil Jones (MUN, DF), Mawson (FUL, DF), Andre Gomes (EVE, MF) | 8.5* | 18.5 | Absent |
| Test Team | None | 7 | 17 | Present |
| JPF | Lovren (LIV, DF), Moses (CHE, DF), Niasse (EVE, ST) | 7 | 17 | Present |
| Craving Cottaging | Ian Brady (BRM DF), Stuart Hazell (BRM, DF), Delph (MCY, MF), Gabbiadini (SOT, ST) | 7 | 17 | Present |
| Piss Poor | None | 6 | 16 | Present |
| Fat Ladies | Herrera (MUN, MF), Puncheon (CRY, MF) | 4.5 | 14.5 | Present |
| Mo Me The Mane | Barry Bennell (BRM, MF), Rolf Harris (BRM, ST) | 3 | 13 | Present |
| Cowley Casuals | Fredricks (WHU, DF), Lichsteiner (ARS, DF), Fred (MUN, MF) | 3 | 13 | Present |
| Chairman | None | 2 | 12 | Present |
| Still Don’t Know Yet | Batshuayi (VAL, ST), Romero (MUN, GK) | 1.5 | 11.5 | Present |
| Clotted Cream First | Lanzini (WHU, ST) | 1 | 11 | Present |
| Young Boys | Heaton (BUR, GK), Harold Shipman (BRM, MF), Llorente (TOT, ST) | 0.5 | 10.5 | Present |
| The Pirate | Danilo (MCY, DF), Besic (MID, MF), Wilshere (WHU, MF) | 0.5 | 10.5 | Present |
| Magpies | None | 0 | 10 | Present |
| Fadges | Christiansen (CHE, DF) | 0 | 10 | Present |
| Tottenham Network Solutions | Jimmy Savile (BRM, MF) | 0 | 10 | Present |
