KENNA League managers have all been assigned lookalikes after a gang turned up at Kenna HQ and assaulted the chairman with soggy marine life.
The incident happened following a press conference in which Sean Dyche – although it could have been Mick Hucknall – said any footballing body who does not fully embrace lookalikes should be ‘slapped with a wet fish’.
The Kenna chairman admitted while there were already pockets of managers identified as lookalikes, adopting this as policy across the league was long overdue.
‘We’ve long recognised the Judean Peoples’ Front manager as our very own Anders Breivik, and the vice chairman is regularly reminding everyone I look like Jamie O’Hara, but to date there has been no concerted effort to find lookalikes for every Kenna manager,’ said Jamie O….the chairman.
‘Now every manager, for better or for worse, has a lookalike on their team profile page.
‘We understand some managers may be unhappy with their lookalike choice, and there is a process to challenge it.’
Any manager who wishes to appeal to get their own or another manager’s lookalike changed must present a better alternative to Kenna HQ for consideration.
‘We’re looking forward to hearing the appeals,’ said the chairman.
Sportsmen
The Chairman – Jamie O’Hara
The Barry Town manager – Thomas Tuchel
The Walthamstow Reds manager – Ted ‘The Count’ Hankey
The Lokomotiv Leeds manager – Gael Clichy
Politicians
The Piss Poor manager – Vladimir Putin
TV and radio
The Hairy Fadjeetas manager – Tony Livesey
The Bunch of Kuntz manager – Dale Winton
The Pikey Scum manager – ‘Dave Hedgehog’
The Dynamo Charlton manager – ‘Gareth Keenan’
Children’s characters
The Clotted Cream First manager – Bungle
The Thame Network Solutions manager – Badger
The Thieving Magpies manager – Skeletor
The Treasurer – Bitzer
Film
The Daggers’n’Redbridge manager – ‘Don Logan’
The Test Team (please ignore) manager – Stanley Tucci
The Dark Lord – ‘Hugo Drax’
The Craft Beer Wankers manager – ‘Abduwali Abdukhadir Muse’
Murderers
The Judean Peoples’ Front manager – Anders Breivik
The Vice Chairman – Vincent Tabak
The Cowley Casuals manager – Stuart Hazell
Covid Cup results and standings
Top two teams qualify.
Kenna League week 23
Kenna League week 22
Full scores available from The Rub.
