THE football world exploded on Sunday evening when six clubs in the Kenna League announced they were forming a breakaway Bramble Super League.
The so-called ‘Bramble Six’ tried to create a midweek competition where tactical Brambling is acceptable, but unbridled global outrage forced them to shelve the plan.
The splinter group were led by the manager of FC Testiculadew, known in the Kenna as ‘the Tactical Brambler’ for his shocking exploitation of the auction forfeit process in 2012.
Upon announcing the BS League, the Tactical Brambler told media ‘legacy managers’ were holding back football with their traditional views of fair play.
Known habitual ‘Bramblers’ at Kenna auctions are among the other breakaway managers. They include:
- The Craft Beer Wankers manager, who has Brambled more than Opta Joe can count and who infamously stormed from the Hoop & Grapes balcony after losing Alvaro Morata on a Bramble in August 2017
- the Sleptember XI manager, who claimed ‘dark web paedophile’ Matthew Falder had blackmailed him into a Bramble in February 2018
- the Still Don’t Know Yet manager, who in August 2012 accused the chairman of being ‘overly pedantic with a spreadsheet‘ after losing James Collins on a Bramble three days after the auction had finished
- the Kenna League treasurer, whose August 2016 Bramble sent the vice chairman into a 10-minute drunken pub rant on Brambling and integrity
- The Fat Ladies manager, who turned up to the February 2015 transfer window needing 10 players and then Brambled on Jonathan Walters because he thought he was a midfielder not a striker.
Reaction to the BS League announcement was unequivocal.
UEFA president Aleksander Ceferin said: ‘Gentelmen [sic], you made a huge mistake. There is time to change your mind.’
FIFA president Gianni Infantino said: ‘There is a lot to throw away for maybe a short-term financial gain for some. Either you are in or you are out.’
Alan Shearer said: ‘This league is plain simple and wrong [because it doesn’t include Newcastle].’
The Kenna chairman claimed the Bramble Six plans were simply a red herring, devised by the Tactical Brambler to gain concessions and be made guest organiser of of the Euro 2021 auction.
‘You think these people care about the fans? You think they care what you, or the media says about them?’ read a statement from Kenna HQ.
‘They’ve all come out and apologised now, but they never wanted to create the BS League from the start. They want more power over the structures already in place, and they’re trying to flex their muscles to get it.’
Covid Cup – quarter final first leg
Bala Rinas 27 (53) – 19 (31) Thieving Magpies
Cowley Casuals 15 (37) – 27 (51) The Dark Lord
Fadges 8 (27) – 17 (21) Lokomotiv Leeds
TNS 13 (36) – 27 (49) Craft Beer Wankers
Semi final fixtures (4 May first leg, 11 May second leg)
Bala Rinas v The Dark Lord
Fadges v Craft Beer Wankers
Kenna League week 29
