As the world’s leading London pub-based fantasy football league, it was with considerable interest the powers that be at the Kenna HQ discovered a podcast about the perfect pub.
The Moon Under Water is hosted by two pub enthusiasts who invite a guest each episode to describe what drinks and atmosphere their fantasy boozer would boast.
Founded in 2005 in The Old Bank of England, and since then popping up in pubs all over central London, for the Kenna pondering the perfect pub proved too much to resist.
Here are the features of the Kenna HQ local in the podcast’s template. It’s just over the road from Jeff House and ideal for swift lunchtime tipple or drinks after work.
Layout and decor
The interior of the wood-panelled pub is split into two parts. The main bar, known as the Titus Bramble Lounge, is the pub’s beating heart. There’s plenty of light from large windows at front and side, but no one can see in through the smoked glass. There are a couple of stools at the bar that be used at quieter times. There’s enough room to host at least 20 for the Kenna auction if it’s too cold to hold it in the beer garden.
Out back is the public bar. The chalk stripes from the Kenna HQ speculations department can regularly be found in here bantering around the pool table on a weekday afternoon.
As the evening wears on, every hour the lights are imperceptibly dimmed a little so by midnight there’s a conspiratorial atmosphere.
Two drinks on draft
There needs to be an option between four and five per cent for session and one between five and six per cent for heavier drinking. Pilsner Urquell exactly as it’s sold in Lokal in Prague is the session beer, served in a handled glass and slipping down like milk
Cheltenham brewery Deya has the stronger option covered with their blockbuster pale ale Steady Rolling Man.
Two bottles
Henri De Blainville is a small wine cooperative in the Charentes-Maritime region. Their merlot vin de pays is delicious and can be consumed in large quantities with no impact on the experience. All at a very reasonable price point of around four euros a bottle.
Jimmy White once rented a penthouse hotel suite and had a case of Dom Perignon delivered every day for 17 days. The Kenna chairman once tried Dom while interloping at the National Chef of the Year semi finals. It’s incredible.
Two spirits
Rum is crucial. Something golden from the Caribe. Mount Gay.
Fernet Branca isn’t popular in the UK and it’s a crying shame. It is a fantastic drink which can be served in any situation and immediately makes one feel better.
Wildcard pick
Bloody Mary. None of this jamming it full of vegetables and seasoning. Just a dash of Tabasco and Worcestershire sauce added to Polish Soplica vodka and tomato juice. Superb after breakfast time or a heavy night.
Album playing
Kool & The Gang’s Greatest Hits. Floor-filling songs galore. Patrons aren’t afraid to break into dance late in the evening.
What’s barred?
For the Kenna there’s only one cardinal sin, Tactical Brambling. For the uninitiated, this is the pernicious act of triggering the Titus Bramble player forfeit process on purpose late in the auction to free up funds and give yourself an advantage.
Name
The Goal-Shy Badger. The sign features a badger kneeling in front of goal, his black and white face in his hands in despair as the ball slices over the bar. Jorge Campos is leaning against the post with his arms folded.
Kenna League week 2
Full scores available from The Rub.
