Season preview in one sentence: Asmir Begovic, Sylvain Distan and Olivier Giroud all find their services employed at the club for a second successive season: the rumour is they just couldn’t say ‘no’ to Panda…
Outlook (on 4 September 2013): The debut of the Team Panda Rules OK manager brings a raw south east England edge to the league. Known around the club as ‘The Panda’, the gaffer shares little in common with the soon-to-be-extinct bundle of joy at Edinburgh Zoo. His origins and accent more readily liken the Bromley man to an extra from hit TV show The Inbetweeners, a link cemented when he once revealed he actually went on a school geography field trip to Swanage. He maintains rumours he punched a fish and asked a pensioner at an ice cream stand whether she wanted to suck him off are purely here say.
The form of Olivier Giroud will settle the nerves of the team, even if Kane’s inactivity does the opposite. The Panda will be closely tracking Gareth Barry’s progress now the midfielder’s move to Merseyside means a choice between releasing him or Distin come the October transfer window. The rest of the side literally contains a couple of Johnsons.
