Managers – Page 20 – The Jeff Kenna League

Judean Peoples’ Front 2015/16

Cold-blooded killer: The Judean Peoples’ Front manager

Manager: Sholto (Wales)

Twitter name: @sholtoGH

Since: 2008

Home ground: Wetsuit Way

Training facility: The Island

Trophy cabinet: empty

Kenna Index rating: 0.411 – 6th
2007/08 – 11th
2009/10 – 6th
2011/12 – 9th
2012/13 – 3rd
2013/14 – 4th
2014/15 – 5th

Sympathies: Manchester United

Darts music: Dr Dre – Bang Bang

Season preview in one sentence: Despite the bluster, the Anders Breivik lookalike has assembled a side capable of another podium finish, unless he gets caught short at another transfer window.

Boruc, A (TW2)	BOU	£ ?m
Azpilicueta, C	CHE	£ 16.00
Skrtel, M	LIV	£ 9.00
Shawcross, R	STO	£ 1.00
Alderweireld, T	TOT	£ 3.00
Barkley, R	EVE	£ 10.00
Toure, Y	MCY	£ 20.00
M’Vila, Y (TW2)	SUN	£ ?m
Lingard, J (TW2)	MUN	£ ?m
Valencia, E (TW2)	WHM	£ ?m
Austin, C (TW2)	SOT	£ ?m
		£ ?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

No changes.

Remaining budget: £9.5m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Boruc, A – Bournemouth goalkeeper – £?m
M’Vila, Y – Sunderland midfielder – £?m
Lingard, J – Manchester United midfielder – £?m
Valencia, E – West Ham striker – £?m
Austin, C – Southampton striker – £?m

Out
Speroni, J – Crystal Palace goalkeeper – free
Cazorla, S – Arsenal midfielder – free
Herrera, A – Manchester United midfielder – free
Cisse, P – Newcastle striker – free
Rodriguez, J – Southampton striker – free

Remaining budget: £?m

Bala Rinas 2015/16

Manager: Lewis (Wales)

Twitter name: @jsl105

Since: 2007 (committee member – league treasurer)

Home ground: Bala Park

Training facility: Tutu Lake

Trophy cabinet: empty

Kenna Index rating: 0.47 – 7th
2007/08 – 12th (relegated)
2011/12 – 8th
2012/13 – 13th
2013/14 – 3rd
2014/15 – 3rd

Sympathies: Wrexham

Darts music: C.R.E.A.M. – Wu Tang Clan

Season preview in one sentence: Unable to attend the treasurer sent a second, who despite instructions otherwise took great pleasure in signing David de Gea.

de Gea, D	MUN	£ 0.50
Dier, E	TOT	£ 0.50
Pieters, E	STO	£ 1.00
Mangala, E	MCY	£ 6.00
Lescott, J	WBA	£ 12.00
Ramsey, A	ARS	£ 18.00
Payet, D	WHM	£ 10.00
McCarthy, J	EVE	£ 2.00
Ayew, A	SWA	£ 10.00
Pelle, G	SOT	£ 15.00
Sturridge, D	LIV	£ 20.00
		£ 95.00

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

No changes.

Remaining budget: £15m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

No changes.

Remaining budget: £15m

KS West Green 2014/15

Chairman 69 problems — …but running the world’s best pub-based fantasy football auction ain’t one: The KS West Green manager and Kenna chairman

Manager: Stix

Twitter name: @jeffkennaleague

Since: 2005 (co-founder and chairman)

Last season: 10th

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2005/06, Canesten Combi Cup winner 2006, treble in 2009/2010 (league, cup, Dr Khumalo World Cup 2010)

Sympathies: Kidderminster Harriers

Darts music: Let Me Be Your Fantasy – Baby D

Season preview in one sentence: In a bid to pick week-in-week-out players and grind out consistent performances, the chairman has assembled an unspectacular side heavily reliant on the fitness of Sergio Aguero.

Speroni, J	CRY	£7.00
Ivanovic, B	CHE	£9.00
Dawson, C (TW1)	WBA	£4.00
Chambers, L (TW1)	ARS	£0.50
Stones, J (TW2)	EVE	£6.00
Arnautovic, M	STO	£14.00
Carrick, M	MUN	£0.50
Routledge, W	SWA	£1.00
Barton, J	QPR	£2.00
Talbot, F (TW2) (Bramble)	HMP	£20.00
Peres, A (TW2)	NEW	£8.00
		£92.00m

First transfer window – 17 October 2014

In
Dawson, C – defender, WBA – £4m
Chambers, L – defender, ARS – £0.5m
Kaboul, Y – defender, TOT – £8m

Out
McAuley, G – defender, WBA – £0m
Sakho, M – defender, LIV – £0m
Davies, B – defender, TOT – £0m

Remaining budget: £0.5m

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

In
Stones, J – defender, EVE – £6m
Fred ‘The Weatherman’ Talbot – striker, HMP – £20m (Titus Bramble player)
Peres, A – striker, NEW – £8m

Out
Kaboul, Y – defender, TOT – £0m
Aguero, S – striker, MCY – £0m
Long, S – striker, SOT – £0m

Remaining budget: -£3.5m

Hoxton Pirates 2014/15

Manager: Abdi (Somalia)

Twitter name: @abdinw1

Since: 2010

Last season: 21st (relegated)

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2012/13

Sympathies: Arsenal

Darts music: The Trumpet Hornpipe

Season preview in one sentence: Unable to attend the auction because of commitments in ‘Durrby’, the Somali’s automatically-generated side shows flickers of guile, and leaves most wondering whether he could have done better in person.

Fabianski, L (TW2)	SWA	£0.50
Davies, B (TW2)	TOT	£0.50
Manquillo, J (TW2)	LIV	£0.50
Coloccini, F (TW2)	NEW	£0.50
de Laet, R (TW1)	LEI	£3.00
Matic, N	CHE	£0.50
Song, A (TW2)	WHU	£2.00
Cllr Martin Kimber (TW2) (Bramble)	ROT	£0.50
Gary Glitter (TW2) (Bramble)	HMP	£0.50
Welbeck, D (TW2)	ARS	£0.50
Ings, D (TW2)	BUR	£11.00
		£20m

First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014

In
Wright, R – goalkeeper, MCY – £2m (Bramble)
de Laet, R – defender, LEI – £3m
Wright-Phillips, S – midfielder, QPR – £4m
Evans, C – striker, OLD – £4m (Bramble)

Out
Robles – goalkeeper, EVE – £0m
Upson, M – defender, LEI – £0m
Lampard, F – midfielder, MCY – £0m
Campbell, J – striker, ARS – £0m

Remaining budget: £7m

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

In
Fabianski, L – goalkeeper, SWA – £0.5m
Davies, B – defender, TOT – £0.5m
Manquillo, J – defender, LIV – £0.5m
Coloccini, F – defender, NEW – £0.5m
Song, A – midfielder, WHU – £2m
Former Rotherham Counsellor Martin Kimber – midfielder, ROT – £0.5m (Titus Bramble player)
Gary Glitter – midfielder, HMP – £0.5m (Titus Bramble player)
Welbeck, D – striker, ARS – £0.5m
Ings, D – striker, BUR – £11m

Out
Wright, R – goalkeeper, MCY – £0m
Dier, E – defender, TOT – £0m
Wilson, M – defender, STO – £0m
Delaney, D – defender, CRY – £0m
Wright-Phillips, S – midfielder, QPR – £0m
Januzaj, A – midfielder, MUN – £0m (lost under Titus Bramble ruling)
Ramirez, G – midfielder, HUL – £0m (lost under Titus Bramble ruling)
Zarate, M – striker, WHU – £0m
Ched Evans – striker, TBR – £0m

Remaining budget: £0.5m

FC Testiculadew 2014/15

Manager: James N (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011

Last season: Winner

Trophy cabinet: 2013/14 and 2011/12 league and cup double, 2014 Emerson World Cup winner

Sympathies: Everton

Darts music: Space March – John Barry

Season preview in one sentence: Retreating ever further from public life into the shadows of tactical Bramblerdom, the defending double champion, Emerson World Cup victor and all-round ‘Dark Overlord’ of the Kenna still made his eerie presence felt at the auction in the form of half of case of champagne, and retains the budget to command bidding for Radamel Falcao at the transfer window.

Thacker, J (TW2) (Bramble)	ROT	£0.50
Blind, D (TW1)	MUN	£5.00
Rose, D	TOT	£0.50
Reid, W	WHM	£0.50
Dann, S	CRY	£0.50
Fernandinho	MCY	£0.50
Larsson, S (TW1)	SUN	£7.00
Cuadrado, J (TW2)	CHE	£9.00
Ramirez, G (TW2)	HUL	£0.50
Berahino, S (TW1)	WBA	£10.00
Benteke, C (TW1)	AVL	£0.50
		£34.50m

First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014

In
Blind, D – defender, MUN – £5m
Larsson, S – midfielder, SUN – £7m
Adam, C – midfielder, STO – £0.5m
Berahino, S – striker, WBA – £10m
Benteke, C – striker, AVL – £0.5m

Out
Agger – defender, LIV – £0m
Fellaini – midfielder, MUN – £0m
Wanyama – midfielder, SOT – £0m
Torres – striker, MIL – £0m
Podolski – striker, ARS – £0m

Remaining budget: £2.5m

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

In
Former Rotherham Counsellor Joyce Thacker – goalkeeper, ROT – £0.5m
Cuadrado, J – midfielder, CHE – £9m
Ramirez, G – midfielder, HUL – £0.5m

Out
McGregor, A – goalkeeper, HUL – £0m
Barry, G – midfielder, EVE – £0m
Adam, C – midfielder, STO – £0m

Remaining budget: £2.5m

Just Put Carles 2014/15

Manager: Carles (Catalunya)

Twitter name: @cduzpalau

Since: 2010

Last season: 15th

Trophy cabinet: Empty (highest league position – 5th in 2012/13)

Sympathies: FC Barcelona

Darts music: Cant del Barca

Season preview in one sentence: All of a sudden Danny Welbeck looks like a good signing.

Pantilimon, C	SUN	£0.50
Zabaleta, P	MCY	£0.50
Ward, J (TW2)	CRY	£4.00
Clark, C	AVL	£0.50
Bardsley, P	STO	£0.50
Ward-Prowse, J (TW2)	SOT	£9.00
Ramires	CHE	£0.50
Chadli, N	TOT	£0.50
Osman, L	EVE	£0.50
Carroll, A	WHM	£0.50
Vargas, E (TW2)	QPR	£0.50
		£17.50m

First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014

No transfers.

Remaining budget: £15m

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

In
Ward, J – defender, CRY – £4m
Ward-Prowse, J – midfielder, SOT – £9m
Vargas, E – striker, QPR – £0.5m

Out
Enrique, J – defender, LIV – £2m
Wilshere, J – midfielder, ARS – £0m
Welbeck, D – striker, ARS – £0.5m

Remaining budget: £9m

Team Panda Rules OK 2014/15

Manager: George (Bromley)

Since: 2013

Last season: 6th

Trophy cabinet: Empty (best finish – last season)

Sympathies: Millwall

Darts music: True Love Ways – Buddy Holly

Season preview in one sentence: Asmir Begovic, Sylvain Distan and Olivier Giroud all find their services employed at the club for a second successive season: the rumour is they just couldn’t say ‘no’ to Panda…

Begovic, A	STO	£7.00
Clichy, G	MCY	£6.00
Distin, S	EVE	£10.00
Johnson, G	LIV	£8.00
Smalling, C	MUN	£3.00
Puncheon, J	CRY	£5.00
Schneiderlin, M	SOT	£3.00
Sessegnon, S	WBA	£3.00
Sanchez, C (TW2)	AVL	£0.50
Giroud, O	ARS	£24.00
Remy, L (TW2)	CHE	£0.50
		£70m

First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014

No changes. The manager considered his team unimproveable. Robert Soldado’s form would tend to disagree.

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

In
Sanchez, C – midfielder, AVL – £0.5m
Remy, L – striker, CHE – £0.5m

Out
Schuerrle, A – midfielder, CHE – £0m
Soldado, R – striker, TOT – £0m

Remaining budget: £28.5m

Headless Chickens 2014/15

Mr Average: The Headless Chickens manager

Manager: John N (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011

Last season: 9th

Trophy cabinet: empty (best finish – last season)

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: Everyday Normal Guy – Jon Lajoie

Season preview in one sentence: Led the Kenna for a period of last season before falling into mid-table obscurity, and appears to have assembled a side capable of doing the same again.

Courtois, T	CHE	£4.00
Kompany, V	MCY	£13.00
Rangel, A	SWA	£1.00
Schlupp, J (TW1)	LEI	£5.00
Shaw, L	MUN	£13.00
Cazorla, S	ARS	£15.00
Gouffran, Y	NEW	£3.00
Huddlestone, T	HUL	£5.00
Lallana, A	LIV	£18.00
Adebayor, E	TOT	£10.00
Rodriguez, J	SOT	£0.50
		£87.00m

First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014

In
Schlupp, J – defender, LEI – £5m

Out
Ward, J – defender, CRY – £0m

Remaining budget – £14.5m

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

No transfers.

Remaining budget: £19.5m

St Reatham FC 2014/15

Manager: Mike (Surrey)

Twitter name: @mister76mike

Since: 2012

Last season: 11th

Trophy cabinet: Empty (best finish – last season)

Sympathies: Everton

Darts music: In Too Deep – Genesis

Season preview in one sentence: Despite having to Skype into the auction from his Swiss hideout because of that incident, the St Reatham FC manager seems to go from strength to strength on the pitch with a thrifty back line and creative midfield which could more than compensate for his strikers’ conspicuous shortcomings.

Foster, B	WBA	£0.50
Cameron, G	STO	£5.00
Jagielka, P	EVE	£6.00
Skrtel, M	LIV	£4.00
Fonte, J	SOT	£0.50
Ben Arfa, H	NCE	£0.50
Mata, J	MUN	£29.00
Jedinak, M (TW1)	CRY	£2.00
Fabregas, C	CHE	£24.00
Fletcher, S	SUN	£0.50
Sordell, M (TW1)	BUR	£7.00
		£79m

First transfer window – 17 October 2014

In
Mile Jedinak – midfielder, CRY – £2m
Marvin Sordell – striker, BUR – £7m

Out
Samir Nasri – midfielder, MCY – £5m
Frazier Campbell – striker, CRY – £0m

Remaining budge: £20.5m

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

No transfers.

Remaining budget: £20.5m

Pikey Scum 2014/15

Manager: Jack (Hampshire)

Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)

Last season: 5th

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2008, Claudio Caniggia World Cup 2006 win (under review)

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts music: I’m A Pikey – Enrique Iglesias

Season preview in one sentence: The Scum boss auctioned well, picking up a mixture of appearances and goals, so now is the time to knuckle down and avoid any ambiguous career discussions with his Nigerian striker.

Hart, J	MCY	£10.00
Clyne, N	SOT	£4.00
Bellerin, H (TW2)	ARS	£5.00
Konchesky, P (TW1)	LEI	£0.50
Rojo, M (TW1)	MUN	£6.00
Mirallas, K	EVE	£13.00
McManaman, C (TW2)	WBA	£4.00
Dembele, M (TW2)	TOT	£5.00
Markovic, L (TW2)	LIV	£4.00
Costa, D	CHE	£36.00
Gayle, D (TW2)	CRY	£6.00
		£93.50m

First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014

In
Pocognoli, S – defender, WBA – £0.50m
Konchesky – defender, LEI – £0.50m
Rojo – defender, MUN – £6m
Coquelin – midfielder, ARS – £10m (Bramble player)
Diame, M – midfielder, HUL – £6m
Crouch, P – striker, STO – £0.50m

Out
Collins, J – defender, WHU – £0m
Walker, K – defender, TOT – £0m
Santon, D – defender, NEW – £0m
Ozil – midfielder, ARS – £0.5m
Valencia, A – midfielder, MUN – £0m
Odemwingie – striker, STO, – £0m

Remaining budget: 10m

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

In
Bellerin, H – defender, ARS – £5m
McManaman, C – midfielder, WBA – £4m
Dembele, M – midfielder, TOT – £5m
Markovic, L – midfielder, LIV – £4m
Gayle, D – striker, CRY – £6m

Out
Pocognoli, S – defender, WBA – £0m
Coquelin, F – midfielder, ARS – £0m
Diame, M – midfielder, HUL – £0m
Allen, J – midfielder, LIV – £0m
Crouch, P – striker, STO – £0m

Remaining budget: £0m