Managers – Page 26 – The Jeff Kenna League

Sporting Lesbian 2013/14

Furry touch: The Sporting Lesbian manager

Manager: Ben M (Cumbria)

Twitter name: @BenMarcangelo

Since: 2012

Last season: 1st

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2012/13

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: Lesbian Seagull – David van Driessen

Outlook: No manager has ever defended the Kenna title, and even Sporting Lesbian’s most optimistic fan would say this side doesn’t look like emulating the success of last season’s outfit. The only survivor from that collective, Marc Wilson is joined by a capable defence of Coleman, Rose and Coloccini – although the Argentine is prone to homesickness. David de Gea looks likely to start in goal all season.

Up front the £27m price tag for the untested, and injury prone, Jovetic may seem excessive, but Podolski could be one of the bargains of the season. Creativity abounds in midfield, but last season’s success was built on the outstanding form of Michu, and a similar discovery is yet to be evidenced here.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BaKOluofCA&w=560&h=315]

de Gea, D	MUN	£11m
Rose, D	TOT	£8m
Coleman, S	EVE	£14m
Ward, J	CRY	£1.5m
Wilson, M	STO	£0.5m
Coutinho, P	LIV	£19m
Snodgrass, R	NOR	£8m
Zaha, W	CAR	£15m
Ramires	CHE	£0.5m
Anichebe, V	WBA	£0.5m
Podolski, L	ARS	£1.5m
		£79.5m

First transfer window – 5 October 2013

Starting budget: £11.5m, remaining budget: £15.5m, net profit: £4m

(Hyperlink denotes to which club player was sold)

Pos	Player	Team	Sold	Pos	Player	Team	Paid
DEF	Coloccini, F	NEW	£4.5m	DEF	Turner, B	CAR	£0.5m

Second transfer window – 7 February 2014

Out				In
Pos	Player	Team	Sold	Pos	Player	Team	Value
DEF	Turner, B	CAR	£0.5m	DEF	Ward, J	CRY	£1.5m
MID	Giaccherini, E	SUN	Free	MID	Zaha, W	CAR	£15m
STR	Jovetic, S	MCY	Free	STR	Anichebe, V	WBA	£0.5m

Newington Reds 2013/14

Dudley with fax — Fax it up twice a season: The Newington Reds manager

Manager: Dudley (Wolverhampton)

Twitter name: @dudleyben

Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)

Trophy cabinet: Empty (best finish – second in 2005/06)

Last season: 11th

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: Forever Young – Alphaville

Outlook: As the hunt for that elusive first Kenna title enters its ninth year, the Newington Reds manager stands accused by the club’s fans of giving up before the season has begun. While they believe Joe Hart is a solid buy in goal, they think forking out £22m Shinji Kagawa – who spends much time as an unused substitute – and £14m on the controversial Loic Remy represents a particular lack of financial and tactical savvy.

But, those complaints are nothing next to what Reds supporters view as the manager’s biggest crime. With three midfielders still to buy, the Wulfrunian left the auction halfway through to go to Lion King on Ice in the West End. Fans’ forums lit up last Saturday with deprecation for a move which resulted in the manager missing out on such late-auction deals as Juan Mata and Joe Cole – who went for £0.5m each.

What Reds are left with is a team unlikely to bother the top half of the table, even if James McCarthy is brought into the top flight. With only £2m left in the war chest, the Reds manager better sort out his office fax machine once and for all come the window if he wants to unlock the £10m bonus and drag himself back into the contest.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1TcDHrkQYg&w=420&h=315]

Hart, J	MCY	£24m
Chico	SWA	£8m
Gibbs, K	ARS	£13m
Bertrand, R	AVL	£0.5m
Cahill, G	CHE	£7m
Redmond, N	NOR	£0.5m
Stirling, R	LIV	£0.5m
Januzaj, A	MUN	£12m
Assaidi, O	STO	£0.5m
Berahino, S	WBA	£0.5m
Remy, L	NEW	£14m
		£80.5m

First transfer window – 5 October 2013

Starting budget: £12m, remaining budget: £5.5m, net loss: £6.5m

(Hyperlink denotes from which team player was bought)

Out				In
Position	Player	Team	Sold	Position	Player	Team	Paid
DEF	Cuellar, C	SUN	Free	DEF	T-Catherine, K	CAR	£0.5m
MID	Allen, J	LIV	Free	MID	Downing, S	WHU	£0.5m
MID	Jedinak, M	CRY	Free	MID	Stirling, R	LIV	£0.5m
MID	Kagawa, S	MUN	Free	MID	Huddlestone, T	HUL	£3.5m
STR	Defoe, J	TOT	Free	STR	Osvaldo, P	SOT	£1.5m

Second transfer window – 7 February 2014

Starting budget: £15.5m, remaining budget: £1.5m, net loss: £14m

Out				In
Position	Player	Team	Sold	Position	Player	Team	Paid
DEF	T-Catherine, K	CAR	Free	DEF	Bertrand, R	AVL	£0.5m
MID	Downing, S	WHU	£0.5m	MID	Januzaj, A	MUN	£12m
MID	McCarthy, J	EVE	Free	MID	Redmond, N	NOR	£0.5m
MID	Huddlestone, T	HUL	Free	MID	Assaidi, O	STO	£0.5m
STR	Osvaldo, D	JUV	Free	STR	Berahino, S	WBA	£0.5m

Judean Peoples’ Front 2013/14

Breivik-a-like: The Judean Peoples’ Front manager

Manager: Sholto (Wales)

Since: 2008

Last season: 3rd

Trophy cabinet: empty (best finish – last season)

Sympathies: Manchester United

Darts music: Serial Killa – Snoop Doggy Dogg

Outlook: Once upon a time the Judean Peoples’ Front manager’s most notable achievement was his uncanny resemblance to Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik, but in May the Welshman secured a podium finish – his best ever in four Kenna campaigns.

Last season’s success was built on a solid defensive platform – unlike his Scandinavian lone wolf doppelganger his side found the target the least number of times in the field – and again goals would appear to be this new team’s weakness. Jelavic and Rodriguez scored 14 times between them last term, and the Croat looked out of sorts compared to his initial spurt in England.

In midfield it’s the same story. Stewart Downing’s shortcomings are well documented, Holtby sits deep, Sidwell’s ginger and while an impressive player the marquee £23m signing Jack Wilshere struggles to apply his particular talents to the Kenna scoring system.

Just as Njemana Vidic and Branislav Ivanovic hint that the JPF manager is searching for that same defensive formula again, Ciaran Clark and Liam Ridgewell imply he ran out of ideas in the auction . At least Allan McGregor should start every game.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJaVoKpHwd0&w=420&h=315]

Adrian	WHU	£0.5m
Ivanovic, B	CHE	£22m
Ridgewell, L	WBA	£4.5m
Clark, C	AVL	£1m
Vidic, N	MUN	£8.5m
Routledge, W	SWA	£1m
Wilshere, J	ARS	£23m
Erikson, C	TOT	£11m
Sidwell, S	FUL	£6.5m
Rodriguez, J	SOT	£0.5m
Jelavic, N	HUL	£3m
		£85.5m

First transfer window – 5 October 2013

Starting budget: £16.5m, remaining budget: £5m, net loss: £11.5m

(Hyperlink denotes to which club player was sold)

Out				In
Pos	Player	Team	Sold	Pos	Player	Team	Paid
MID	Downing, S	WHU	£0.5m	MID	Morrison, R	WHU	£0.5m
MID	Holtby, L	TOT	Free	MID	Erikson, C	TOT	£11m
STR	Rodriguez, J	SOT	Free	STR	Rodriguez, J	SOT	£0.5m

Second transfer window – 7 February 2014

Out				In
Pos	Player	Team	Sold	Pos	Player	Team	Paid
GK	McGregor, A	HUL	£0.5m	GK	Adrian	WHU	£0.5m
MID	Morrison, R	WHU	Free	MID	Routledge, W	SWA	£1m

Vasco De Beauvoir

Manager: Stix (Worcestershire)

Twitter name: @jeffkennaleague

Since: 2005 (co-founder and Chairman)

Last season: 16th

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2005/06, treble in 2009/2010 (league, cup, Khumalo World Cup 2010)

Sympathies: Kidderminster Harriers

Darts music: Highway to the Danger Zone – Kenny Loggins

Outlook: People used to say that Brazil were the Vasco De Beauvoir of world football, but those heady, summer, treble-winning days of 2010 seem a Rory Delap throw in away looking at the club’s current shower. In what’s become known as the most epic Bramble of all time, £40m Sergio Aguero was replaced in the auction by Leroy Lita, but a month-long lay off with injury means not even the prolific Argentine could have dragged this bunch of misfits to anything but a relegation battle. Tomas ‘Little Mozart’ Rosicky, himself off until October with injury, should be preparing a requiem for the manager’s chances of being employed come May.

(B) = player awarded under the Titus Bramble ruling

Al-Habsi, A	WIG	£2.5m
Harte, I	REA	£10m
Nastasic, M	MCY	£13m
Ferdinand, R	MUN	£6.5m
McAuley, G	WBA	£0.5m
Gutierrez, J	NEW	£5m
Etherington, M	STO	£0.5m
Puncheon, J	SOT	£29m
Ramires	CHE	£12m
Ruiz, B	FUL	£0.5m
Podolski, L	ARS	£40m
	Total	£119.5m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out			In
Kolorov, A	MCY	£19m	Nastasic, M	MCY	£13m
Surman, A	NOR	£0.5m	Puncheon, J	SOT	£29m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out			In
Hibbert, T	EVE	£5m	Kolarov, A	MCY	£19m
Pennant, J	STO	£1m	Etherington, M	STO	£0.5m
Rosicky, T	ARS	£1.5m	Surman, A	NOR	£0.5m
Borini, F	LIV	£19m	Ruiz, B	FUL	£0.5m
Lita, L (B)	SWA	£20m	Podolski, L	ARS	£40m

Pikey Scum

Manager: Jack (Hampshire)

Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)

Last season: 9th

Trophy cabinet: Cup at some point (best league finish – 5th in 2010/11), 2006 Claudio Caniggia World Cup winner

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts music: I’m A Pikey – Enrique Iglesias

Outlook: With the exception of £8m Stewart Downing, the Pikey manager seems to have assembled a side capable of making a first successful assault on the title. Will have a tough decision come the first transfer window, when he’ll have to jettison either Bale or Adebayor

No Brambles.

Vorm, M	SWA	£9.5m
Jones, P	MUN	£12m
Huth, R	STO	£5m
Cahill, G	CHE	£7.5m
Boyce, E	WIG	£0.5m
Allen, J	LIV	£10m
Walcott, T	ARS	£15m
Granero, E	APR	£0.5m
Brunt, C	WBA	£4m
Anichebe, V	EVE	£5m
Fletcher, S	SUN	£30m
	Total	£99m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out			In
De Ridder, S (B)	SOT	£15m	Allen, J	LIV	£10m
El Ahmadi, K	AVL	£3m	Granero, E	QPR	£0.5m
Pogrebnyak, P	REA	£8.5m	Anichebe, V	EVE	£5m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out			In
de Gea, D	MUN	£19m	Vorm, M	SWA	£9.5m
Sagna, B	ARS	£11m	Jones, P	MUN	£12m
Bale, G	TOT	£30m	De Ridder, S (B)	SOT	£15m
Downing, S	LIV	£8m	Walcott, T	ARS	£15m
Adebayor, E	TOT	£0.5m	Fletcher, S	SUN	£30m

Piedmonte

Manager: Phil (Wolverhampton)

Twitter name: @PhillyD55

Since: 2005 (co-founder)

Last season: 18th (relegated and sacked as manager of Thieving Magpies)

Trophy cabinet: Empty (best finish – 2nd in 2006/07)

Sympathies: Notts County

Darts music: The Wheelbarrow song

Outlook: After seven years without silverware the Wulfrunian was sacked in May after taking the Thieving Magpies down. Despite circumstances reaching dire levels during that last campaign, he found a job at Piedmonte and things now appear to be on the up. Frank Lampard is already two goals to the good and Adam Johnson’s has made a positive switch to Wearside. The manager has retained the services of Darren Bent up front – a surprising move.

(B) = player awarded under the Titus Bramble ruling

Begovic, A	STO	£0.5m
Johnson, G	LIV	£8m
Coloccini, F	NEW	£10m
Rafael	MUN	£2m
Dawson, M	TOT	£6m
Kebe, J	REA	£0.5m
Lampard, F	CHE	£16m
Milner, J	MCY	£0.5m
Johnson, A	SUN	£4.5m
Jelavic, N	EVE	£34m
Lambert, R	SOT	£13m
	Total	£95m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out			In
Mertesacker, P	ARS	£19m	Dawson, M	TOT	£6m
Dyer, N	SWA	£10m	Kebe, J	REA	£0.5m
Bent, D	AVL	£16m	Jelavic, N	EVE	£34m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out			In
Green, R	QPR	£0.5m	Begovic, A	STO	£0.5m
Tomkins, J	WHM	£3m	Mertesacker, P	ARS	£19m
van der Vaart, R	HAM	£17m	Milner, J	MCY	£0.5m

Judean Peoples’ Front

Manager: Sholto (Wales)

Since: 2008

Last season: 9th

Trophy cabinet: empty (best finish – 9th last season and in 2008/09)

Sympathies: Manchester United

Darts music: Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life – Monty Python

Outlook: Underachievement and a striking resemblance to Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik has blighted the Welshman’s managerial career, but this time he looks to have assembled a capable side. Jelavic is already living up to the hype, and Hart, Cashley and Enrique should be good for at least 150 points each.

No Brambles.

Hart, J	MCY	£22m
Enrique, J	LIV	£13m
Cole, A	CHE	£17m
Monreal, N	ARS	£22m
Lowton, M	AVL	£0.5m
Valencia, A	MUN	£17m
Britton, L	SWA	£0.5m
Cole, J	WHM	£10m
Beausejour, J	WIG	£0.5m
Adebayor, E	TOT	£0.5m
Rodriguez, J	SOT	£0.5m
	Total	£103.5m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out			In
Gallas, W	TOT	£17m	Monreal, N	ARS	£22m
Diaby, A	ARS	£0.5m	Cole, J	WHM	£10m
Jelavic, N	EVE	£21m	Adebayor, E	TOT	£0.5m
Rodallega, H	FUL	£0.5m	Rodriguez, J	SOT	£0.5m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out			In
Hutton, A	AVL	£0.5m	Gallas, W	TOT	£17m
Squillaci, S	ARS	£0.5m	Lowton, M	AVL	£0.5m
Parker, S	TOT	£0.5m	Diaby, A	ARS	£0.5m
Tiote, C	NEW	£0.5m	Beausejour, J	WIG	£0.5m

PSV Mornington

Manager: El Pons (Catalunya)

Since: 2009

Last season: 10th

Trophy cabinet: empty (best finish – 9th in 2009/10)

Sympathies: Barcelona

Darts music: La Bamba – Ritchie Valens

Outlook: A lower mid-table club, and from the looks of this offering, lower mid-table ambition. A hotch potch back five and, £28m Mata and £17m Ba aside, a team that used to be sort of promising. Leiva’s a holding midfielder returning from long injury, just two goals were scored from Delap throw ins last season and Noble’s out of touch at this level. Gabby Agbonlahor? Didn’t he play for England once?

(B) = player awarded under the Titus Bramble ruling.

de Gea, D	MUN	£0.5m
Ramis, I	WIG	£0.5m
Chico	SWA	£6m
Sagna, B	ARS	£10m
Lescott, J	MCY	£0.5m
Mata, J	CHE	£28m
Noble, M	WHM	£8m
Sidwell, S	FUL	£8m
McClean, J	SUN	£0.5m
Agbonlahor, G	AVL	£7m
Jones, K	STO	£0.5m
	Total	£69.5m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out			In
Bosingwa, J	QPR	£10m	Lescott, J	MCY	£0.5m
Sahin, N	LIV	£7m	McClean, J	SUN	£0.5m
Ba, D	CHE	£17m	Jones, K	STO	£0.5m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out			In
Gazzaniga, P (B)	SOT	£4.5m	de Gea, D	MUN	£0.5m
Heitinga, J	EVE	£6m	Ramis, I	WIG	£0.5m
Senderos, P	FUL	£5m	Chico	SWA	£6m
Fabio	QPR	£5m	Sagna, B	ARS	£10m
Brown, W	SUN	£3m	Bosingwa, J	QPR	£10m
Delap, R	STO	£0.5m	Sidwell, S	FUL	£8m
Leiva, L	LIV	£0.5m	Sahin, N	LIV	£7m

Lokomotiv Leeds

Manager: Ben S (Yorkshire)

Twitter name: @BenCSilver

Since: 2011

Last season: Runner up

Trophy cabinet: empty (best finish – last season)

Sympathies: Leeds

Darts music: Lokomotiv Anthem

Outlook: Competent team with the potential to mount a challenge in their second Kenna season. All the money’s gone on Rising Sun Kagawa, Sigurdsson, and shoring up a defence that has already bagged two goals. Ryan Taylor’s free kicks a snip at point five. The manager will be hoping to avoid the downturn in form last season, after high flying at Christmas.

Cesar, J	QPR	£0.5m
Clichy, G	MCY	£15m
Riise, J	FUL	£10m
Ivanovic, B	CHE	£10m
Vertonghen, J	TOT	£14m
Kagawa, S	MUN	£26m
Larsson, S	SUN	£6m
Cabeye, Y	NEW	£0.5m
Bannan, B	AVL	£0.5m
Giroud, O	ARS	£6m
Walters, J	STO	£7m
	Total	£96m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out			In
Gorkss, K	REA	£0.5m	Vertonghen, J	TOT	£14m
Sigurdsson, G	TOT	£20m	Larsson, S	SUN	£6m
McCarthy, J	WIG	£0.5m	Bannan, B	AVL	£0.5m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out			In
Federici, A	REA	£0.5m	Cesar, J	QPR	£0.5m
Fabio	QPR	£0.5m	Gorkss, K	REA	£0.5m
Holman, B	AVL	£0.5m	Cabeye, Y	NEW	£0.5m
Taylor, R	NEW	£0.5m	McCarthy, J	WIG	£0.5m

Headless Chickens

Manager: John N (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011

Last season: 11th

Trophy cabinet: empty (best finish – last season)

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: The Chicken Dance

Outlook: Beyond Cech, Kompany and Walcott, the Chickens boss doesn’t look like having the tools to better last season. Marquee signing Clint Dempsey is ‘unsettled’ and looking to swap his role as a big fish in a little pond for minnow in the sea of Liverpool midfielders. Caroll and Cole up front are fully expected to warrant their price tag.

Cech, P	CHE	£19m
Kompany, V	MCY	£18m
Heitinga, J	EVE	£0.5m
Brown, W (B)	SUN	£5m
O’Brien, J	WHM	£2.5m
Sterling, R	LIV	£22m
Dempsey, C	FUL	£21m
Routledge, W	SWA	£1m
Pilkington, A	NOR	£3.5m
Hernandez, J	MUN	£15m
Crouch, P	STO	£6.5m
	Total	£114m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out			In
Santos, A	ARS	£0.5m	Brown, W (B)	SUN	£5m
Bardsley, P	SUN	£2.5m	O’Brien, J	WHM	£2.5m
Carroll, A	WHM	£1m	Hernandez, J	MUN	£15m
Petric, M	FUL	£12m	Crouch, P	STO	£6.5m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out			In
Jones, P	MUN	£9.5m	Heitinga, J	EVE	£0.5m
Dawson, M	QPR	£6m	Santos, A	ARS	£0.5m
Walcott, T	ARS	£17m	Sterling, R	LIV	£22m
Cole, C	WHM	£1.5m	Petric, M	FUL	£12m