The Jeff Kenna League – Page 40 – The world's leading London pub-based fantasy football league

Kenna HQ under fire for ‘ambush cup draw’

A football manager’s wife has accused Kenna HQ of hijacking her birthday party with a cup draw.

As friends and family of the Judean Peoples’ Front manager’s better half gathered in The Roebuck, Borough, to celebrate her 30th natal day, the Kenna chairman was found to be making the group draw of this season’s Narcozep Cup in between complimentary glasses of prosecco and cursory raids on the finger buffet.

Mrs B could not contain her outrage on the night and stood on a chair to descry the league apparatus to stunned onlookers.

“Wat die hel doen jy, domkops? It’s supposed to be a special day for me, but you’ve ruined the whole evening with your second-rate cup contest.

“Sit jou kop in die koei se kont en wag tot die bul jou kom holnaai!” she raged at the chairman in a curious mixture of English and Afrikaans.

The managers of Lokomotiv Leeds, Hairy Fadjeetas and league leaders Young Boys were also caught up in the tirade.

Newlywed the Judean Peoples’ Front manager put in a typically slopey-shouldered display when it mattered most. He was outside having a cigarette and rejoicing in Welsh rugby.

Managers present were quick to jump to the defence of their chairman…

@jeffkennaleague #twat pic.twitter.com/aZVYKrfV62

— Andrew Denney (@andenney) October 16, 2015

The chairman defended his decision to hold what the media has come to term an ‘ambush cup draw’.

“I can’t see what the problem is really. I’m here perfectly legitimately. I got a ticket from Robbie Earle,” he shrugged.

Backers Narcozep have taken a dim view of the incident, and are threatening to pull sponsorship.

For the first time, this season’s draw contains a dummy team – Real Fuck Up. The side will be made up of unsigned players and make up the numbers in group A.

Points rather than goals will decide fixtures in this year’s cup contest.

Narcozep Cup – group stage draw

Kenna League table – week 9

Kenna table week 9 - 20 October 2015 — Kenna table week 9 – 20 October 2015

Weekly scores

		Manager	Points	Goals
1	Cowley Casuals	Stu	47	2
2	Northern Monkeys	Hugo	42	4
3	Judean People’s Front	Sholto	42	1
4	Newington Reds	Ben D	41	1
5	Bala Rinas	Lewis	40	2
6	Hairy Fadjeetas	Aiden	38	4
7	Young Boys	Andrew D	38	0
8	Headless Chickens	John N	37	2
9	Lokomotiv Leeds	Ben S	36	0
10	FC Tescticuladew	James N	34	3
11	Carles	Carles	31	1
12	Wandsworth Network Solutions	Will	29	1
13	Thieving Magpies	Phil	25	0
14	Dynamo Charlton	Alex	24	1
15	Uncertain	Pete B	22	1
16	ISIL	Abdi	21	0
17	Pikey Scum	Jack	17	1
18	Team Panda	George	16	1
19	KS West Green	Stix	13	0

		Points	Player
	Player of the week	22	Wijnaldum, G – NEW – MID
		Club	Northern Monkeys

Kenna transfer window prepares for Martial law

DYNAMO Charlton are thought to be lining up a £50m bid Anthony Martial at tomorrow’s Kenna transfer window, it emerged tonight.

Having waved ‘cheerio’ to global brand Jermaine Defoe, the Dynamo manager is unhindered by the Titus Bramble ruling and any rival with a war chest to challenge his own.

The stage is set for Dynamo Charlton to make shorter work of the season’s first transfer window than a cartoon superhero calling upon ‘speed of the puma’ to punch the Spaniard (pictured).

Nearly 50 points off leaders Young Boys, Dynamo have been desperate for goals and snaffling Martial will put the manager firmly in the chase for his debut league title.

The Young Boys manager released just one player, John Terry, who is officially Bramble-tied with Pedro and unofficially still in the doghouse for making an indecent proposal to the Catalan winger’s wife.

The YB boss will join many others in the hunt for one of Craig Cathcart, Allan Nyom and Sebastian Prodl, all of whom has made an overachieving start to the campaign.

Striker Jamie Vardy, midfielder Cheikhou Kouyate and defender Craig Dawson are also among targets likely to attract ludicrously overinflated bids when the league gathers in the Rugby Tavern, Bloomsbury from 6.30pm.

A total of 14 managers claimed the full £10m transfer window bonus by posting their released players to Kenna HQ by Wednesday’s deadline. Two sides claimed the £5m boon for a digital communication to administrators.

The managers of Just Put Carles, Judean Peoples’ Front and Uncertain all failed to interact at all with Kenna HQ. Only by releasing a one permitted wildcard player can they hope to do any business tomorrow.

Remaining budgets and available players were published tonight exclusively on KennaLeague.com.

Remaining budgets

Team	Manager	Budget (£m)	Bonus (£m)	Total (£m)
Dynamo Charlton	Alex	40.5	10	50.5
Cowley Casuals	Stu	33.5	10	43.5
Hairy Fadjeetas	Aiden	31	10	41
Uncertain	Pete	35	0	35
Northern Monkeys	Hugo	20.5	10	30.5
Pikey Scum	Jack	19.5	10	29.5
Lokomotiv Leeds	Ben S	16	10	26
Wandsworth Network Solutions	Will	16	10	26
ISIL	Abdi	16	10	26
Thieving Magpies	Phil	11.5	10	21.5
Team Panda	George	16	5	21
KS West Green	Stix	9	10	19
Walthamstow Reds	Dudley	9	10	19
Bala Rinas	Lewis	5	10	15
FC Testiculadew	James N	4.5	10	14.5
Headless Chickens	John N	8.5	5	13.5
Young Boys	Denney	1	10	11
Judean Peoples’ Front	Sholto	9.5	0	9.5
Just Put Carles	Carles	4	0	4

Player list (spreadsheet available here)

Player	POS	Team	Total Goals	Total Points	Team	Status
Mahrez, R	MID	LEI	5	50	Young Boys
Vardy, J	STR	LEI	6	48
Lukaku, R	STR	EVE	4	46	Young Boys
Kompany, V	DEF	MCY	2	43	Headless Chickens
Payet, D	MID	WHM	3	41	Bala Rinas
Mata, J	MID	MUN	3	40	Wandsworth Network Solutions
Wilson, C	STR	BOU	5	39	Thieving Magpies	Released
Kolarov, A	DEF	MCY	1	39	Dynamo Charlton
Barkley, R	MID	EVE	2	38	Judean People’s Front
Sagna, B	DEF	MCY	0	38	ISIL
Pelle, G	STR	SOT	4	38	Bala Rinas
Sanchez, A	STR	ARS	3	37	Carles
Hart, J	GK	MCY	0	36	Thieving Magpies
Sakho, D	STR	WHM	3	35	Young Boys
Gomis, B	STR	SWA	4	34	KS West Green
Dier, E	DEF	TOT	2	34	Bala Rinas
Mangala, E	DEF	MCY	0	33	Bala Rinas
Redmond, N	MID	NOR	3	33	Cowley Casuals
Mane, S	MID	SOT	1	33	Cowley Casuals
Alderweireld, T	DEF	TOT	1	33	Judean People’s Front
Ighalo, O	STR	WAT	4	33
Dawson, C	DEF	WBA	1	33
Smalling, C	DEF	MUN	0	32	Young Boys
Ayew, A	MID	SWA	3	32	Bala Rinas
Monreal, N	DEF	ARS	0	31	Young Boys
Toure, Y	MID	MCY	2	31	Judean People’s Front
Hoolahan, W	MID	NOR	1	31	Hairy Fadjeetas
Darmian, M	DEF	MUN	0	30	Newington Reds
Tadic, D	MID	SOT	3	30	FC Tescticuladew
Soares, C	DEF	SOT	0	30	Northern Monkeys
Gomes, H	GK	WAT	0	30
Cresswell, A	DEF	WHM	0	30	Newington Reds
Kouyate, C	MID	WHM	3	30
Bellerin, H	DEF	ARS	0	28	Dynamo Charlton
Morrison, J	MID	WBA	2	28
Myhill, B	GK	WBA	0	28
Hazard, E	MID	CHE	1	27	Northern Monkeys
Kone, A	STR	EVE	2	27
Kane, H	STR	TOT	1	27	Carles
McAuley, G	DEF	WBA	0	27
Cech, P	GK	ARS	0	26	Cowley Casuals
Jagielka, P	DEF	EVE	0	26	Northern Monkeys
Howard, T	GK	EVE	0	26	Uncertain
Albrighton, M	MID	LEI	1	26	Dynamo Charlton
Shaw, L	DEF	MUN	0	26	Cowley Casuals	Released
Diouf, M	STR	STO	3	26	Pikey Scum
Vertonghen, J	DEF	TOT	0	26	Newington Reds
Lloris, H	GK	TOT	0	26	Headless Chickens
Cathcart, C	DEF	WAT	0	26
Giroud, O	STR	ARS	3	25	Team Panda
Clyne, N	DEF	LIV	0	25	Thieving Magpies
Arnautovic, M	MID	STO	1	25
Deeney, T	STR	WAT	0	25	Northern Monkeys
Nyom, A	DEF	WAT	0	25
Prodl, S	DEF	WAT	0	25
Gestede, R	STR	AVL	3	24	Cowley Casuals
Stones, J	DEF	EVE	0	24	Newington Reds
Drinkwater, D	MID	LEI	0	24
Stekelenburg, M	GK	SOT	0	24	Young Boys
Taylor, N	DEF	SWA	0	24	Wandsworth Network Solutions
Walker, K	DEF	TOT	0	24
Reid, W	DEF	WHM	0	24	Pikey Scum
Ozil, M	MID	ARS	0	23	Newington Reds
Fabregas, C	MID	CHE	0	23	Carles
Dann, S	DEF	CRY	1	23	Team Panda
Sako, B	MID	CRY	2	23
Naismith, S	STR	EVE	3	23
Coleman, S	DEF	EVE	0	23	FC Tescticuladew
Galloway, B	DEF	EVE	0	23
Mignolet, S	GK	LIV	0	23	KS West Green
Silva, D	MID	MCY	0	23	Team Panda
Martial, A	STR	MUN	3	23
Wijnaldum, G	MID	NEW	2	23	Northern Monkeys
Martin, R	DEF	NOR	3	23
Targett, M	DEF	SOT	0	23
Lens, J	MID	SUN	1	23	Young Boys
Williams, A	DEF	SWA	0	23	Headless Chickens
Naughton, K	DEF	SWA	0	23
Davies, B	DEF	TOT	0	23	Cowley Casuals
Noble, M	MID	WHM	2	23
Tomkins, J	DEF	WHM	0	23	Team Panda
Sinclair, S	MID	AVL	2	22	FC Tescticuladew
Benteke, C	STR	LIV	2	22	Dynamo Charlton
Skrtel, M	DEF	LIV	0	22	Judean People’s Front
Gomez, J	DEF	LIV	0	22	Uncertain
Blind, D	MID	MUN	1	22	Carles
Romero, S	GK	MUN	0	22	FC Tescticuladew	Released
Brady, R	MID	NOR	1	22
Defoe, J	STR	SUN	2	22	Dynamo Charlton	Released
Rondon, S	STR	WBA	1	22
Willian	MID	CHE	1	21	Team Panda
Puncheon, J	MID	CRY	0	21	KS West Green
Cabaye, Y	MID	CRY	2	21	FC Tescticuladew
Aguero, S	STR	MCY	1	21	KS West Green
Fernandinho	MID	MCY	2	21
Depay, M	MID	MUN	1	21	Pikey Scum
Fonte, J	DEF	SOT	0	21	Dynamo Charlton
Sigurdsson, G	MID	SWA	1	21	Pikey Scum
Fabianski, L	GK	SWA	0	21	Team Panda
Olsson, J	DEF	WBA	0	21	ISIL
Walcott, T	MID	ARS	2	20	FC Tescticuladew
Pedro	MID	CHE	1	20	Young Boys
Zaha, W	MID	CRY	1	20	Dynamo Charlton
Coutinho, P	MID	LIV	1	20	Newington Reds
Lovren, D	DEF	LIV	0	20
Sterling, R	MID	MCY	1	20	Hairy Fadjeetas
Rooney, W	STR	MUN	1	20	Uncertain
Chadli, N	MID	TOT	1	20	Hairy Fadjeetas
Lamela, E	MID	TOT	1	20	Pikey Scum
Koscielny, L	DEF	ARS	0	19	Pikey Scum
Gabriel	DEF	ARS	0	19
Francis, S	DEF	BOU	0	19	Lokomotiv Leeds
Ward, J	DEF	CRY	2	19	Lokomotiv Leeds
Milner, J	MID	LIV	1	19	Team Panda
Ward-Prowse, J	MID	SOT	0	19	Lokomotiv Leeds
Berahino, S	STR	WBA	2	19	Hairy Fadjeetas
Ogbonna, A	DEF	WHM	0	19	FC Tescticuladew
Costa, D	STR	CHE	1	18	Headless Chickens
Matic, N	MID	CHE	1	18	ISIL
McArthur, J	MID	CRY	0	18
Souare, P	DEF	CRY	0	18
Cisse, P	STR	NEW	1	18	Judean People’s Front
Jerome, C	STR	NOR	1	18	Northern Monkeys	Released
Yoshida, M	DEF	SOT	0	18	Carles
Walters, J	STR	STO	2	18
Fernandez, F	DEF	SWA	0	18
Amavi, J	DEF	AVL	0	17	Thieving Magpies
Ritchie, M	MID	BOU	1	17	Dynamo Charlton
Cook, S	DEF	BOU	1	17
Okazaki, S	STR	LEI	1	17
Howson, J	MID	NOR	0	17
M’Vila, Y	MID	SUN	1	17
Cazorla, S	MID	ARS	0	16	Judean People’s Front
Grealish, J	MID	AVL	1	16	Young Boys
Westwood, A	MID	AVL	0	16
Richards, M	DEF	AVL	0	16	Team Panda
Azpilicueta, C	DEF	CHE	1	16	Judean People’s Front
Zouma, K	DEF	CHE	1	16
Navas, J	MID	MCY	0	16	Carles
Perez, A	STR	NEW	1	16
van Ginkel, M	MID	STO	0	16
Brunt, C	MID	WBA	0	16	Uncertain
Gosling, D	MID	BOU	1	15
Bolasie, Y	MID	CRY	0	15	Thieving Magpies
McCarthy, J	MID	EVE	0	15	Bala Rinas
de Bruyne, K	MID	MCY	2	15	Lokomotiv Leeds
Eriksen, C	MID	TOT	0	15	Thieving Magpies
Capoue, E	MID	WAT	0	15
Ramsey, A	MID	ARS	0	14	Bala Rinas
Gueye, I	MID	AVL	0	14
Surman, A	MID	BOU	0	14
Sturridge, D	STR	LIV	2	14	Bala Rinas
Moreno, A	DEF	LIV	0	14	Carles
Sissoko, M	MID	NEW	0	14	Uncertain
Anita, V	MID	NEW	0	14
Krul, T	GK	NEW	0	14	Dynamo Charlton
Shelvey, J	MID	SWA	0	14	Dynamo Charlton
Evans, J	DEF	WBA	0	14
McClean, J	MID	WBA	0	14
Moses, V	MID	WHM	1	14
Agbonlahor, G	STR	AVL	0	13
Guzan, B	GK	AVL	0	13	Hairy Fadjeetas
Pugh, M	MID	BOU	1	13
Boruc, A	GK	BOU	0	13
Nasri, S	MID	MCY	1	13	Newington Reds	Released
Mbemba, C	DEF	NEW	0	13
Wanyama, V	MID	SOT	0	13	ISIL	Released
van Dijk, V	DEF	SOT	1	13
Shaqiri, X	MID	STO	0	13
Johnson, G	DEF	STO	0	13	Thieving Magpies
Montero, J	MID	SWA	0	13
Mason, R	MID	TOT	1	13
Anya, I	MID	WAT	0	13	Newington Reds	Released
Jurado, J	MID	WAT	0	13
Fletcher, D	MID	WBA	0	13
Randolph, D	GK	WHM	0	13
Ox-Chamberlain, A	MID	ARS	0	12	Thieving Magpies
Sanchez, C	MID	AVL	0	12
Gradel, M	MID	BOU	0	12	Northern Monkeys	Released
Daniels, C	MID	BOU	0	12
Deulofeu, G	MID	EVE	0	12	Cowley Casuals	Released
Barry, G	MID	EVE	0	12	Wandsworth Network Solutions
Schweinsteiger, B	MID	MUN	0	12	Northern Monkeys	Released
Schneiderlin, M	MID	MUN	0	12	Headless Chickens
Young, A	MID	MUN	0	12	Team Panda
Carrick, M	MID	MUN	0	12	KS West Green
Haidara, M	DEF	NEW	0	12
Dorrans, G	MID	NOR	0	12
Jarvis, M	MID	NOR	1	12
Tettey, A	MID	NOR	0	12
Whelan, G	MID	STO	0	12
Fletcher, S	STR	SUN	1	12	FC Tescticuladew	Released
Lanzini, M	MID	WHM	1	12
Coquelin, F	MID	ARS	0	11
Falcao, R	STR	CHE	1	11	Thieving Magpies
Delaney, D	DEF	CRY	1	11
McCarthy, A	GK	CRY	0	11
de Laet, R	DEF	LEI	1	11
Can, E	MID	LIV	0	11	Lokomotiv Leeds	Released
Davis, S	MID	SOT	0	11
Butland, J	GK	STO	0	11	Lokomotiv Leeds
Cameron, G	DEF	STO	0	11
Cork, J	MID	SWA	0	11
Heung-Min, S	STR	TOT	1	11
Alli, D	MID	TOT	1	11
Lambert, R	STR	WBA	0	11	Team Panda
Yacob, C	MID	WBA	0	11
Obiang, P	MID	WHM	0	11
Oxford, R	DEF	WHM	0	11
Oscar	MID	CHE	1	10	KS West Green
Cahill, G	DEF	CHE	0	10	Pikey Scum
Kelly, M	DEF	CRY	0	10	Uncertain
Hangeland, B	DEF	CRY	0	10
Browning, T	DEF	EVE	0	10
Morgan, W	DEF	LEI	0	10
Ings, D	STR	LIV	1	10	ISIL
Bony, W	STR	MCY	0	10	Cowley Casuals	Released
Herrera, A	MID	MUN	1	10	Judean People’s Front
de Gea, D	GK	MUN	0	10	Bala Rinas
Colback, J	MID	NEW	0	10	KS West Green
Coloccini, F	DEF	NEW	0	10	Hairy Fadjeetas
Obertan, G	MID	NEW	0	10
Whittaker, S	DEF	NOR	1	10
Long, S	STR	SOT	1	10	Wandsworth Network Solutions
Rodwell, J	MID	SUN	0	10
Zarate, M	STR	WHM	1	10
Lescott, J	DEF	AVL	0	9
Bacuna, L	MID	AVL	0	9
Ramires	MID	CHE	1	9
Begovic, A	GK	CHE	0	9
Kante, N	MID	LEI	0	9
Firmino, R	MID	LIV	0	9	Pikey Scum
Leiva, L	MID	LIV	0	9
Janmaat, D	DEF	NEW	1	9	Headless Chickens
Ruddy, J	GK	NOR	0	9
Krkic, B	STR	STO	1	9	Newington Reds	Released
Pieters, E	DEF	STO	0	9	Bala Rinas
Toivonen, O	MID	SUN	0	9
Cattermole, L	MID	SUN	0	9
McManaman, C	MID	WBA	0	9
Gardner, C	MID	WBA	0	9
Gil, C	MID	AVL	1	8
Clark, C	DEF	AVL	0	8	Uncertain
King, J	MID	BOU	0	8
Distin, S	DEF	BOU	0	8
O’Kane, E	MID	BOU	0	8
Ivanovic, B	DEF	CHE	0	8	Wandsworth Network Solutions
Wickham, C	STR	CRY	0	8
Cleverley, T	MID	EVE	0	8	Headless Chickens
King, A	MID	LEI	0	8
Demichelis, M	DEF	MCY	0	8
Iheanacho, K	STR	MCY	1	8	Uncertain
Taylor, S	DEF	NEW	0	8
Rodriguez, J	STR	SOT	0	8	Judean People’s Front
Ireland, S	MID	STO	0	8
Graham, D	STR	SUN	0	8
Watmore, D	MID	SUN	1	8
Watson, B	MID	WAT	0	8
Adrian	GK	WHM	0	8	Wandsworth Network Solutions
Hutton, A	DEF	AVL	0	7
Mikel, J	MID	CHE	0	7
Ulloa, L	STR	LEI	0	7	Pikey Scum	Released
Schmeichel, K	GK	LEI	0	7	Northern Monkeys	Released
Henderson, J	MID	LIV	0	7	Cowley Casuals
Ibe, J	MID	LIV	0	7
Bassong, S	DEF	NOR	0	7	KS West Green
Caulker, S	DEF	SOT	0	7	Team Panda
Joselu	STR	STO	0	7
Muniesa, M	DEF	STO	0	7	Dynamo Charlton
Johnson, A	MID	SUN	0	7	Wandsworth Network Solutions	Released
Larsson, S	MID	SUN	0	7
Rose, D	DEF	TOT	0	7	Northern Monkeys
Dembele, M	MID	TOT	0	7
Behrami, V	MID	WAT	0	7
Abdi, A	MID	WAT	0	7
Chambers, C	DEF	ARS	0	6
Veretout, J	MID	AVL	0	6
Murray, G	STR	BOU	0	6
Tomlin, L	MID	BOU	0	6
Elphick, T	DEF	BOU	0	6
Smith, A	DEF	BOU	0	6
Remy, L	STR	CHE	0	6	Lokomotiv Leeds	Released
Courtois, T	GK	CHE	0	6	Newington Reds	Released
Hennessey, W	GK	CRY	0	6
Dyer, N	MID	LEI	1	6	ISIL	Released
Huth, R	DEF	LEI	0	6	Uncertain
Thauvin, F	MID	NEW	0	6
Eder	STR	SWA	0	6
Sung-Yueng, K	MID	SWA	0	6
Jenkinson, C	DEF	WHM	0	6	Cowley Casuals
Traore, A	MID	AVL	0	5
Mutch, J	MID	CRY	0	5
Lennon, A	MID	EVE	0	5
Inler, G	MID	LEI	0	5
Lallana, A	MID	LIV	0	5	Headless Chickens
Valencia, A	MID	MUN	0	5	ISIL	Released
de Jong, S	MID	NEW	0	5
Romeu, O	MID	SOT	0	5
Afellay, I	MID	STO	0	5
O’Shea, J	DEF	SUN	0	5	KS West Green
Routledge, W	MID	SWA	0	5
N’Jie, C	STR	TOT	0	5
Bentaleb, N	MID	TOT	0	5
Holebas, J	DEF	WAT	0	5
Carroll, A	STR	WHM	0	5	Lokomotiv Leeds
Mertesacker, P	DEF	ARS	0	4	Northern Monkeys	Released
Ayew, J	STR	AVL	0	4
Gayle, D	STR	CRY	0	4
Schlupp, J	DEF	LEI	0	4
Grabban, L	STR	NOR	0	4
O’Neil, G	MID	NOR	0	4
Martina, C	DEF	SOT	0	4
Adam, C	MID	STO	0	4	Headless Chickens
Borini, F	STR	SUN	0	4
Gomez, J	MID	SUN	0	4
Matthews, A	DEF	SUN	0	4
Pantilimon, C	GK	SUN	0	4
van Aanholt, P	DEF	SUN	0	4	Carles
Berghuis, S	STR	WAT	0	4
Arteta, M	MID	ARS	0	3
Richardson, K	DEF	AVL	0	3
Jedinak, M	MID	CRY	0	3
Ledley, J	MID	CRY	0	3
Chung-yong, L	MID	CRY	0	3
Oviedo, B	MID	EVE	0	3
Sakho, M	DEF	LIV	0	3	FC Tescticuladew
Fellaini, M	MID	MUN	0	3	Thieving Magpies	Released
Jones, P	DEF	MUN	0	3	Lokomotiv Leeds
Mitrovic, A	STR	NEW	0	3	FC Tescticuladew
Aarons, R	MID	NEW	0	3
Wollscheid, P	DEF	STO	0	3
Carroll, T	MID	TOT	0	3
Flamini, M	MID	ARS	0	2
Kermorgant, Y	STR	BOU	0	2
Stanislas, J	MID	BOU	0	2
Kenedy	MID	CHE	0	2
Campbell, F	STR	CRY	0	2
Bamford, P	STR	CRY	0	2
Besic, M	MID	EVE	0	2
Funes Mori, R	DEF	EVE	0	2
Fuchs, C	DEF	LEI	0	2	Lokomotiv Leeds	Released
Benalouane, Y	DEF	LEI	0	2
Delph, F	MID	MCY	0	2
Fernando	MID	MCY	0	2
Rojo, M	DEF	MUN	0	2	Hairy Fadjeetas	Released
Tiote, C	MID	NEW	0	2
Hooper, G	STR	NOR	0	2
Mbokani, D	STR	NOR	0	2
Olsson, M	DEF	NOR	0	2
Juanmi	STR	SOT	0	2
Bertrand, R	DEF	SOT	0	2	KS West Green
Odemwingie, P	STR	STO	0	2
Wilson, M	DEF	STO	0	2
Jones, B	DEF	SUN	0	2
Britton, L	MID	SWA	0	2
Vorm, M	GK	TOT	0	2	ISIL	Released
Diamanti, A	MID	WAT	0	2
Ake, N	DEF	WAT	0	2
Gamboa, C	DEF	WBA	0	2
Gibbs, K	DEF	ARS	0	1	Hairy Fadjeetas	Released
Debuchy, M	DEF	ARS	0	1	Wandsworth Network Solutions	Released
Mings, T	DEF	BOU	0	1	Cowley Casuals	Released
Terry, J	DEF	CHE	0	1	Young Boys	Released
Loftus-Cheek, R	MID	CHE	0	1
Mirallas, K	MID	EVE	0	1	Hairy Fadjeetas
Gibson, D	MID	EVE	0	1
Kramaric, A	STR	LEI	0	1
Origi, D	STR	LIV	0	1	Wandsworth Network Solutions	Released
Allen, J	MID	LIV	0	1
Roberts, P	MID	MCY	0	1
McNair, P	DEF	MUN	0	1
Wisdom, A	DEF	NOR	0	1
Crouch, P	STR	STO	0	1
Sidwell, S	MID	STO	0	1
Barrow, M	STR	SWA	0	1
Bartley, K	DEF	SWA	0	1
Townsend, A	MID	TOT	0	1	Wandsworth Network Solutions	Released
Pritchard, A	MID	TOT	0	1
Ibarbo, V	STR	WAT	0	1
Guedioura, A	MID	WAT	0	1
Anichebe, V	STR	WBA	0	1
Gnabry, S	MID	WBA	0	1
Jelavic, N	STR	WHM	0	1
Collins, J	DEF	WHM	0	1	Carles
Antonio, M	MID	WHM	0	1
Welbeck, D	STR	ARS	0	0	ISIL	Released
Wilshere, J	MID	ARS	0	0	Uncertain
Campbell, J	STR	ARS	0	0
Rosicky, T	MID	ARS	0	0	Lokomotiv Leeds	Released
Ospina, D	GK	ARS	0	0
Reine-Adelaide, J	MID	ARS	0	0
Bielik, K	MID	ARS	0	0
Kozak, L	STR	AVL	0	0
N’Zogbia, C	MID	AVL	0	0
Cole, J	MID	AVL	0	0
Gardner, G	MID	AVL	0	0
Okore, J	DEF	AVL	0	0
Senderos, P	DEF	AVL	0	0
Crespo, J	DEF	AVL	0	0
Ilori, T	DEF	AVL	0	0
Bunn, M	GK	AVL	0	0
Atsu, C	MID	BOU	0	0
Arter, H	MID	BOU	0	0
Rantie, T	STR	BOU	0	0
MacDonald, S	MID	BOU	0	0
Andrade, T	MID	BOU	0	0
Ward, E	DEF	BOU	0	0
Bennett, J	DEF	BOU	0	0
Federici, A	GK	BOU	0	0
Cargill, B	DEF	BOU	0	0
Rahman, B	DEF	CHE	0	0
Djilobodji, P	DEF	CHE	0	0
Blackman, J	GK	CHE	0	0
Chamakh, M	STR	CRY	0	0
Speroni, J	GK	CRY	0	0	Judean People’s Front
Appiah, K	STR	CRY	0	0
Mariappa, A	DEF	CRY	0	0
Fryers, Z	DEF	CRY	0	0
McCarthy, P	DEF	CRY	0	0
Baines, L	DEF	EVE	0	0	Thieving Magpies	Released
Rodriguez, L	STR	EVE	0	0
Osman, L	MID	EVE	0	0
Pienaar, S	MID	EVE	0	0
McGeady, A	MID	EVE	0	0
Holgate, M	DEF	EVE	0	0
Robles, J	GK	EVE	0	0
Hibbert, T	DEF	EVE	0	0
James, M	MID	LEI	0	0
Dodoo, J	MID	LEI	0	0
Hammond, D	MID	LEI	0	0
Wasilewski, M	DEF	LEI	0	0
Simpson, D	DEF	LEI	0	0
Schwarzer, M	GK	LEI	0	0
Enrique, J	DEF	LIV	0	0
Toure, K	DEF	LIV	0	0
Flanagan, J	DEF	LIV	0	0
Rossiter, J	MID	LIV	0	0
Teixeira, J	MID	LIV	0	0
Sinclair, J	STR	LIV	0	0
Bogdan, A	GK	LIV	0	0
Otamendi, N	DEF	MCY	0	0
Zabaleta, P	DEF	MCY	0	0	Young Boys
Clichy, G	DEF	MCY	0	0	FC Tescticuladew
Wright, R	GK	MCY	0	0
Wilson, J	STR	MUN	0	0
Valdes, V	GK	MUN	0	0
Lingard, J	MID	MUN	0	0
Pereira, A	MID	MUN	0	0
Powell, N	MID	MUN	0	0
Johnstone, S	GK	MUN	0	0
Riviere, E	STR	NEW	0	0
Gouffran, Y	MID	NEW	0	0
Marveaux, S	MID	NEW	0	0
Williamson, M	DEF	NEW	0	0
Dummett, P	DEF	NEW	0	0
Lascelles, J	DEF	NEW	0	0
Mbabu, K	DEF	NEW	0	0
Darlow, K	GK	NEW	0	0
Good, C	DEF	NEW	0	0
Elliot, R	GK	NEW	0	0
Lafferty, K	STR	NOR	0	0
Mulumbu, Y	MID	NOR	0	0
Bennett, E	MID	NOR	0	0
Bennett, R	DEF	NOR	0	0
Rudd, D	GK	NOR	0	0
Kean, J	GK	NOR	0	0
Clasie, J	MID	SOT	0	0
Forster, F	GK	SOT	0	0
Ramirez, G	MID	SOT	0	0
Isgrove, L	MID	SOT	0	0
Gardos, F	DEF	SOT	0	0
Reed, H	MID	SOT	0	0
Hesketh, J	MID	SOT	0	0
Davis, K	GK	SOT	0	0
McCarthy, J	DEF	SOT	0	0
Gazzaniga, P	GK	SOT	0	0
Bardsley, P	DEF	STO	0	0	ISIL	Released
Shawcross, R	DEF	STO	0	0	Judean People’s Front
El Ouriachi, M	MID	STO	0	0
Given, S	GK	STO	0	0	Carles
Teixeira, D	DEF	STO	0	0
Haugaard, J	GK	STO	0	0
Brown, W	DEF	SUN	0	0	ISIL	Released
Bridcutt, L	MID	SUN	0	0
Buckley, W	MID	SUN	0	0
Mavrias, C	MID	SUN	0	0
Yedlin, D	DEF	SUN	0	0
Mannone, V	GK	SUN	0	0
Roberge, V	DEF	SUN	0	0
Emnes, M	STR	SWA	0	0
Rangel, A	DEF	SWA	0	0	Hairy Fadjeetas
Grimes, M	MID	SWA	0	0
Tabanou, F	DEF	SWA	0	0
Amat, J	DEF	SWA	0	0
Nordfeldt, K	GK	SWA	0	0
Tremmel, G	GK	SWA	0	0
Fazio, F	DEF	TOT	0	0
Trippier, K	DEF	TOT	0	0	KS West Green	Released
Wimmer, K	DEF	TOT	0	0
Paredes, JC	DEF	WAT	0	0
Oulare, O	STR	WAT	0	0
Britos, M	DEF	WAT	0	0
Byers, G	MID	WAT	0	0
Smith, C	MID	WAT	0	0
Jakubiak, A	STR	WAT	0	0
Doherty, J	DEF	WAT	0	0
Mensah, B	STR	WAT	0	0
Doyley, L	DEF	WAT	0	0
Ekstrand, J	DEF	WAT	0	0
Hoban, T	DEF	WAT	0	0
Arlauskis, G	GK	WAT	0	0
Gilmartin, R	GK	WAT	0	0
Sessegnon, S	MID	WBA	0	0
Foster, B	GK	WBA	0	0	Pikey Scum	Released
Lindegaard, A	GK	WBA	0	0
Pocognoli, S	DEF	WBA	0	0
Valencia, E	STR	WHM	0	0
Song, A	MID	WHM	0	0
Amalfitano, M	MID	WHM	0	0
Cullen, J	MID	WHM	0	0
Hendrie, S	DEF	WHM	0	0
O’Brien, J	DEF	WHM	0	0
Lee, E	STR	WHM	0	0
Henry, D	DEF	WHM	0	0
Spiegel, R	GK	WHM	0	0
Caballero, W	GK	MCY	0	-1
Kaboul, Y	DEF	SUN	0	-1
Coates, S	DEF	SUN	0	-1
Chester, J	DEF	WBA	0	-2
Austin, C	STR	QPR	0	0	Newington Reds	Released
Cissokho, A	DEF	POR	0	0	Wandsworth Network Solutions	Released
Benzema, K	STR	RMA	0	0	Hairy Fadjeetas

Kenna table – week 7

Weekly scores

		Manager	Points	Goals
1	Bala Rinas	Lewis	48	3
2	Young Boys	Andrew D	48	3
3	Cowley Casuals	Stu	37	4
4	Pikey Scum	Jack	36	4
5	Carles	Carles	35	4
6	Team Panda	George	32	3
7	Newington Reds	Ben D	31	0
8	FC Tescticuladew	James N	26	3
9	Lokomotiv Leeds	Ben S	26	1
10	Judean People’s Front	Sholto	25	1
11	Wandsworth Network Solutions	Will	20	1
12	Uncertain	Pete B	20	1
13	Northern Monkeys	Hugo	19	1
14	Thieving Magpies	Phil	19	0
15	Hairy Fadjeetas	Aiden	16	1
16	KS West Green	Stix	14	0
17	Dynamo Charlton	Alex	10	0
18	ISIL	Abdi	8	0
19	Headless Chickens	John N	7	0

		Points	Player
	Player of the week	20	Sanchez, A – ARS – STR
		Club	Carles

KS West Green 2015/16

Chairman 69 problems — …and most of them are Kenna managers: The KS West Green manager and Kenna chairman

Manager: Stix

Twitter name: @jeffkennaleague

Since: 2005 (co-founder and chairman)

Home ground: St Ann’s

Training facility: Black Boy Lane

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2005/06, Canesten Combi Cup winner 2006, treble in 2009/2010 (league, cup, Dr Khumalo World Cup 2010)

Kenna Index rating: 0.48 – 8th
2005/06 – 1st
2006/07 – 3rd
2007/08 – 7th
2008/09 – 9th
2009/10 – 1st
2010/11 – 4th
2011/12 – 16th
2012/13 – 18th (relegated)
2013/14 – 10th
2014/15 – 11th

Sympathies: Kidderminster Harriers

Darts music: Let Me Be Your Fantasy – Baby D

Season preview in one sentence (on 29 September): A team built for the hardship of a long season rather than glitz.

Mignolet, S	LIV	£9m
Gabriel (TW1)	ARS	£14m
Bertrand, R	SOT	£10m
Bassong, S	NOR	£3m
O’Shea, J	SUN	£0.5m
Abdi, A (TW2)	WAT	£0.5m
Kante, N (TW2)	LEI	£0.5m
Oscar	CHE	£11m
Fletcher, D (TW2)	WAT	£0.5m
Gomis, B	SWA	£7m
Aguero, S	MCY	£39m
		£95m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In
Gabriel – Arsenal defender – £14m

Out
Trippier, K – Tottenham defender – free

Remaining budget: £5m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Kante, N – Leicester midfielder – £0.5m
Fletcher, D – West Brom midfielder – £0.5m
Abdi, A – Watford midfielder – £0.5m

Out
Carrick, M – Manchester United midfielder – free
Puncheon, J – Crystal Palace midfielder – free
Colback, J – Newcastle midfielder – free

Remaining budget: £13m

Northern Monkeys 2015/16

Manager: Hugo (Tyneside)

Twitter name: @Hugeist

Since: 2012

Home ground: Cobbled Way

Training facility: The Outhouse

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Kenna Index rating: N/A
2012/13 – 12th
2013/14 – 14th

Sympathies: Newcastle

Darts music: Northern Calypso – Hale & Pace

Season preview in one sentence (on 29 September): Hardly a title-winning auction effort.

Myhill, B (TW1)	WBA	£9m
Martin, R (TW1)	NOR	£0.5m
Rose, D	TOT	£5m
Soares, C	SOT	£7m
Jagielka, P	EVE	£7m
Hazard, E	CHE	£39m
Kouyate, C (TW1)	WHU	£10m
Wijnaldum, G	NEW	£11m
Sako, B (TW1)	CRY	£8m
Borini, F (TW1)	SUN	£0.5m
Deeney, T	WAT	£0.5m
		£97.5m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In
Myhill, B – West Brom goalkeeper – £9m
Martin, R – Norwich defender – £0.5m
Kouyate, C – West Ham midfielder – £10m
Sako, B – Crystal Palace midfielder – £8m
Borini, F – Sunderland striker – £0.5m

Out
Schmeichel, K – Leicester goalkeeper – £0.5m (to Walthamstow Reds)
Mertesacker, P – Arsenal defender – £0.5m (to Hairy Fadjeetas)
Schweinsteiger, B – Manchester United midfielder – free
Gredl, M – Bournemouth midfielder – free
Jerome, C – Norwich striker – £0.5m (to Headless Chickens)

Remaining budget: £4m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

No changes.

Remaining budget: £4m

Islington Sports Islam & Leisure 2015/16

Manager: Abdi (Somalia)

Twitter name: @abdinw1

Since: 2010

Home ground: Mogadishu Arena

Training facility: Spyglass Hill

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2012/13

Kenna Index rating: 0.68 – 22nd
2010/11 – 14th
2011/12 – 5th
2012/13 – 8th
2013/14 – 21st (relegated)
2014/15 – 20th (relegated)

Sympathies: Arsenal

Darts music: The Trumpet Hornpipe

Season preview in one sentence (on 28 September): For the second auction in a row the absent manager has had Serbian Nemenja thrust into his midfield by the The Rub: one could say auto-Matic-ally.

Vorm, M (TW2)	TOT	£?m
Sagna, B	MCY	£0.5m
Soares, C (TW2)	SOT	£?m
Walker, K (TW1)	TOT	£11m
Olsson, J	WBA	£0.5m
Johnson, A (TW2)	SUN	£?m
Arnautovic, M (TW1)	STO	£7m
Ayew, J (TW2)	AVL	£?m
Gosling, D (TW2)	BOU	£?m
Okazaki, S (TW2)	LEI	£?m
Ings, D	LIV	£0.5m
		£?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In -£24.5m
Gomes, H – Watford goalkeeper – £3m
Galloway, B – Everton defender – £2m
Walker, K – Tottenham defender – £11m
Arnautovic, M – Stoke midfielder – £7m
Inler, G – Leicester midfielder – £0.5m
Moses, V – West Ham midfielder – £0.5m
Bamford, P – Crystal Palace striker – £0.5m

Out +£0.5m
Vorm, M – Tottenham goalkeeper – free
Brown, W – Sunderland defender – free
Bardsley, P – Stoke defender – free
Valencia, A – Man United midfielder – free
Wanyama, V – Southampton midfielder – free
Dyer, N – Leicester midfielder – £0.5m (to Lokomotiv Leeds)
Welbeck, D – Arsenal striker – free

Remaining budget: £2m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Vorm, M – Tottenham goalkeeper – £?m
Soares, C – Southampton defender – £?m
Johnson, A – Sunderland midfielder – £?m
Ayew, J – Aston Villa midfielder – £?m
Gosling, D – Bournemouth midfielder – £?m
Okazaki, S – Leicester striker – £?m

Out
Gomes, H – Watford goalkeeper – free
Galloway, B – Everton defender – free
Matic, N – Chelsea midfielder – free
Inler, G – Stoke midfielder – free
Moses, V – West Ham midfielder – free
Bamford, P – Crystal Palace striker – free

Remaining budget: £?m

Pikey Scum 2015/16

Manager: Jack (Hampshire)

Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)

Home ground: South Hackney Caravan Park

Training facility: Any patch of grass that riles local residents

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2008, Claudio Caniggia World Cup 2006 win (under review)

Kenna Index rating: 0.564 – 12th
2005/06 – 7th
2007/08 – 8th
2008/09 – 8th
2009/10 – 7th
2010/11 – 5th
2011/12 – 7th
2012/13 – 15th
2013/14 – 5th
2014/15 – 13th

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts music: I’m A Pikey – Enrique Iglesias

Season preview in one sentence:

Elliot, R (TW2)	NEW	£?m
Reid, W	WHM	£4m
van Dijk, V (TW1)	SOT	£0.5m
Cameron, G (TW2)	STO	£?m
Koscielny, L	ARS	£10m
Sigurdsson, G	SWA	£12m
Lamela, E	TOT	£6m
Depay, M	MUN	£11m
Firmino, R	LIV	£18m
Adebayor, E (TW2)	CRY	£?m
Ighalo, O (TW1)	WAT	£20m
		£?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In
McCarthy, A – Crystal Palace goalkeeper – £8m
van Dijk, V – Southampton defender – £0.5m
Ighalo, O – Watford striker – £20m

Out
Foster, B – West Brom goalkeeper – free
Pearson, J – Bramble defender – free
Ulloa, L – Leicester striker – free

Remaining budget: £1m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Elliot, R – Newcastle goalkeeper – £?m
Cameron, G – Stoke defender – £?m
Adebayor, E – Crystal Palace striker – £?m

Out
McCarthy, A – Crystal Palace goalkeeper – free
Cahill, G – Chelsea defender – free
Diouf, M – Stoke striker – free

Remaining budget: £?m

FC Testiculadew 2015/16

‘Tache: The FC Testiculadew manager

Manager: James N (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011

Home ground: Scrotrot Street

Training facility: The Death Star

Trophy cabinet: 2013/14 and 2011/12 league and cup double, 2014 Emerson World Cup winner

Kenna Index rating: 0.137 – 1st
2011/12 – 1st
2012/13 – 2nd
2013/14 – 1st
2014/15 – 7th

Sympathies: Everton

Darts music: Space March – John Barry

Season preview in one sentence (on 28 September): An uncharacteristically underwhelming side from the Dark Lord of the Kenna, who would appear to have his hands full with Aleksander Mitrovic’s anger management issues.

Courtois, T (TW1)	CHE	£0.5m
Otamendi, N (TW2)	MCY	£?m
Morgan, W (TW2)	LEI	£?m
Sakho, M	LIV	£0.5m
Ogbonna, A	WHM	£4m
Walcott, T	ARS	£19m
Tadic, D	SOT	£7m
Cabaye, Y	CRY	£17m
Deulofeu, G (TW2)	EVE	£?m
Naismith, S (TW2)	NOR	£?m
Krkic, B (TW1)	STO	£2m
		£?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In
Courtois, T – Chelsea goalkeeper – £0.5m (from Walthamstow Reds)
Krkic, B – Stoke striker – £2m (from Walthamstow Reds)

Out
Romero, S – Manchester United goalkeeper – free
Fletcher, S – Sunderland striker – free

Remaining budget: £11.5m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Otamendi, N – Manchester City defender – £?m
Morgan, W – Leicester defender – £?m
Deulofeu, G – Everton midfielder – £?m
Naismith, S – Norwich striker – £?m

Out
Clichy, G – Manchester City defender – free
Coleman, S – Everton defender – free
Sinclair, S – Aston Villa midfielder – free
Mitrovic, A – Newcastle striker – free

Remaining budget: £?m

Headless Chickens 2015/16

Sucking it in: The Headless Chickens manager

Manager: John N (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011

Home ground: Guillotine Way

Training facility: The Coop

Trophy cabinet: empty

Kenna Index rating: 0.641 – 20th
2011/12 – 11th
2012/13 – 16th
2013/14 – 9th
2014/15 – 16th

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: Hala Madrid y nada mas

Season preview in one sentence (on 27 September): When a manager Brambles himself with two Read Madrid players, what further punishment can Kenna HQ mete out?

Lloris, H	TOT	£8m
Kompany, V	MCY	£14m
Janmaat, D	NEW	£6m
Williams, A	SWA	£7m
Ramos, S	RMA	£0.5m
Schneiderlin, M	MUN	£4m
Lallana, A	LIV	£0.5m
Cleverley, T	EVE	£0.5m
Adam, C	STO	£0.5m
Costa, D	CHE	£50m
Jerome, C (TW1)	NOR	£0.5m
		£91.5m

First transfer window – Friday 2 September 2015

In
Jerome, C – Norwich striker – £0.5m

Out
Ronaldo, C – Real Madrid striker – free

Remaining budget: £13m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

No changes.

Remaining budget: £13m

Team Panda 2015/16

Manager: George (Bromley)

Since: 2013

Home ground: Bamboo Avenue

Training facility: Certain Extinction

Trophy cabinet: Empty (highest finish – 6th)

Kenna Index rating: N/A
2013/14 – 6th
2014/15 – 12th

Sympathies: Millwall

Darts music: True Love Ways – Buddy Holly

Season preview in one sentence (on 27 September): For the third successive season, the manager is relying on Giroud for goals.

Fabianski, L	SWA	£9m
Caulker, S	SOT	£5m
Dann, S	CRY	£5m
Tomkins, J	WHM	£3m
Richards, M	AVL	£6m
Silva, D	MCY	£23m
Milner, J	LIV	£10m
Willian	CHE	£1m
Young, A	MUN	£1m
Giroud, O	ARS	£14m
Lambert, R	WBA	£7m
		£84m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

No changes.

Remaining budget: £21m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

No changes.

Remaining budget: £21m

Wandsworth Network Solutions 2015/16

Will and Gunnersaurus Rex — Influence at the highest echelons of the game: The Wandsworth Network Solutions manager (left)

Manager: Will (Worcestershire)

Twitter name: @chainfir3

Since: 2010

Home ground: King George’s Park

Training facility: The Alma

Trophy cabinet: Empty (highest league position – 8th in 2010/11)

Kenna Index rating: N/A
2010/11 – 8th
2012/13 – 19th

Sympathies: Kidderminster Harriers

Darts music: Mary Jane – Rick James

Season preview in one sentence (on 26 Sepetmber): Divock Origi!

Adrian	WHM	£0.5m
Taylor, N	SWA	£3m
Ivanovic, B	CHE	£24m
Evans, J (TW1)	WBA	£2m
Cathcart, C (TW1)	WAT	£0.5m
Mata, J	MUN	£19m
Barry, G	EVE	£0.5m
Alli, D (TW2)	TOT	£?m
Drinkwater, D (TW1)	LEI	£0.5m
Long, S	SOT	£1m
Perez, A (TW1)	NEW	£3m
		£?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In
Evans, J – West Brom defender – £2m
Cathcart, C – Watford defender – £0.5m
Fernandinho – Manchester City midfielder – £0.5m
Drinkwater, D – Leicester midfielder – £0.5m
Perez, A – Newcastle striker – £3m

Out
Debuchy, M – Arsenal defender – free
Cissokho, A – Aston Villa defender – free
Townsend, A – Tottenham midfielder – free
Johnson, A – Sunderland midfielder – free
Origi, D – Liverpool striker – free

Remaining budget: £19.5m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Alli, D – Tottenham midfielder – £?m

Out
Fernandinho – Manchester City midfielder – free

Remaining budget: £?m