Season preview in one sentence: How much 10th anniversary auction celebratory champagne must one drink before Victor Anichebe is considered a good signing?
Lloris, H
TOT
£12.00
Bertrand, R (TW1)
SOT
£3.00
Jones, P (TW1)
MUN
£0.50
Koscielny, L
ARS
£17.00
Vergini, S (TW1)
SUN
£0.50
Nasri, S (TW1)
MCY
£5.00
Oscar
CHE
£15.00
Henderson, J
LIV
£5.00
Zaha, W (TW2)
CRY
£7.00
Sakho, D (TW1)
WHU
£3.00
Jelavic, N (TW1)
HUL
£5.00
£74.00
First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014
In
Ryan Bertrand – defender, SOT – £3m
Phil Jones – defender, MUN – £0.5m
Vergini – defender, SUN – £0.5m
Samir Nasri – midfielder, MCY – £5m
Sakho, D – striker, WHU – £3m
Jelavic, N – striker, HUL – £5m
Out Curtis Davies – defender, HUL – £0m Jonny Evans – defender, MUN – £0m Steve Taylor – defender, NEW – £0m Besic, M – midfielder, EVE – £0m Anichebe, V – striker, WBA – £0m Negredo, A – striker, MCY – £0m
Season preview in one sentence: Middle East based Flores aside, strong at the back and up front, but midfield consistency could be described as ‘scatty‘.
Adrian (TW2)
WHU
£0.50
Alderweireld, T (TW2)
SOT
£4.00
Naughton, K (TW2)
SWA
£3.00
Enrique, J (TW2)
LIV
£2.00
Richardson, K (TW2)
AVL
£0.50
Lampard, F (TW2)
MCY
£0.50
Fer, L (TW2)
QPR
£0.50
Fletcher, D (TW2)
WBA
£2.00
Fellaini, M (TW2)
MUN
£2.00
Walters, J (TW2)
STO
£2.00
Cllr Roger Stone – Bramble (TW2)
ROT
£17.50
£34.5m
First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014
In
Senderos, P – defender, AVL – £4m
Gamboa, C – defender, WBA – £1m
Valencia, A – midfielder, MUN – £0.50m
Graham, D – striker, SUN – £4m (Bramble player)
Out Chiriches, V – defender, TOT – £0m Coloccini, F – defender, NEW – £0m Young, A – midfielder, MUN – £0m Benteke, C – striker, AVL – 0m (lost on a Bramble)
Out Szczesny, W – goalkeeper, ARS – £0m Brown, W – defender, SUN – £0.5m Senderos, P – defender, AVL – £0m Gamboa, C – defender, WBA – £0m Flores, C – defender, QAT – £0m McCarthy, J – midfielder, EVE – £0m Navas, J – midfielder, MCY – £0.5m Nolan, K – midfielder, WHU – £0m Valencia, A – midfielder, MUN – £0m Graham, D – striker, SUN – £0m Sturridge, D – striker, LIV – forfeit under the Titus Bramble ruling
Season preview in one sentence: Are James Milner and Aiden McGeady really going to win you your first ever Kenna title in 10 years of trying?
Cech, P (TW2)
CHE
£ 0.50
Chester, J (TW1)
HUL
£ 0.50
Janmaat, D
NEW
£ 4.00
Williams, A
SWA
£ 4.00
Pieters, E
STO
£ 2.00
Lamela, E
TOT
£ 28.00
Coutinho, P (TW1)
LIV
£ 7.00
Navas, J (TW2)
MCY
£ 0.50
Walcott, T
ARS
£ 18.00
Kramaric, A (TW2)
LEI
£ 6.00
Rooney, W
MUN
£ 39.00
£ 98m
First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014
In
Schmeichel, K – goalkeeper, LEI – £0.50
Chester, J – defender, HUL – £0.50 Coutinho, P – midfielder, LIV – £7m
Arfield, S – midfielder, BUR – £0.50
Agbonlahor, G – striker, AVL – £0.50
Out Cech, P – goalkeeper, CHE – £0m Flanagan, J – defender, LIV – £0m McGeady, A – midfielder, EVE – £0m Milner, J – midfielder, MCY – 0.50m Ideye, B – striker, WBA – £0m
Season preview in one sentence: The expensive Sanchez and Sterling aside, only time will tell whether the Kenna champions from two seasons ago are a team of canny buys or complete dross.
de Gea, D
MUN
£ 1.00
Coleman, S
EVE
£ 14.00
Demichelis, M
MCY
£ 0.50
Luis, F
CHE
£ 10.00
Tomkins, J
WHM
£ 0.50
Elmohamady, A (TW1)
HUL
£ 1.00
Sterling, R
LIV
£ 33.00
Westwood, A
AVL
£ 0.50
Dyer, N (TW1)
SWA
£ 8.00
Sanchez, A
ARS
£ 34.00
Pelle, G
SOT
£ 3.00
£ 105.00m
First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014
In
Elmohamady, A – midfielder, HUL – £1m
Dyer, N – midfielder, SWA – £8m
Out Paulinho – midfielder, TOT – £0m Hernandez, P – midfielder, QAT – £0m
The chairman begins what he describes to everyone but his fiancee as his most important speech of the year
Ahead of the auction the Kenna League chairman made a short address to the 16 managers gathered above The Carpenter’s Arms near Marble Arch.
Traditionally consisting of flimsy and inappropriate jokes about the cultural origins of league members, this 10th anniversary’s Fozzie Bear performance made reference to the number 10 being linked to the average age children are radicalised in Somalia…after reading Treasure Island…as part of the school curriculum.
A Kenna manager’s best friend…and an auction brochure LOLZ
A classic auction photo. See how the additional challenge of rampant alcoholism has this manager consider tabling a bid for West Bromwich Albion reserve goalkeeper Boaz Myhill.
Hamas were always going to struggle to pass the fit and proper owner test
Managers arriving at Marble Arch tube station that day were greeted by a ‘Free Palestine’ demonstration, which most of them ignored. Except the Piedmonte manager, who turned up to the auction late carrying a placard.
Managers hang on the chairman’s every word
Is this the last ever photo of the Bramble Jersey? The Wigan Athletic shirt thought to have been worn by the notorious defender were among the league effects to disappear after the auction when an errant taxi driver cheesed it.
The fate of Le Maillot Merde, the Bramble bell, auction hammer, Kenna HQ keys and pornographic playing cards are still at the mercy of the Transport for London lost property department.
As with any marathon-length event carbohydrate loading was essential
This year’s auction took six hours, which is a test of stamina for any fantasy football manager. For the Fat Ladies boss, returning to the league after a few years, the event proved too much on liquid alone and he cracked.
Auditions for a remake of Brideshead Revisted were also taking place
Alexander the Great, on some ancient campaign, came across the Gordian Knot: a piece of rope so tangled that the greatest minds in the known world could not untie it. Alexander solved the problem by chopping through the knot with his sword.
Here the Judean Peoples’ Front manager talks a similar approach to a conundrum that has bugged the Kenna since the public smoking ban. How does a pub-based fantasy football auction that usually takes place in upstairs rooms allow managers to chuff on a tab and take part in proceedings?
The chairman thought long and hard about the how best to spend this sum and came up with master plan of half a case of champagne. For those looking to organise their own fantasy football auction, this worked well as managers were instantly talkative and engaged in proceedings.
One learning point for the future would be to not buy as much champagne, for after a couple of hours there was a definite lull. After that memories are sketchy.
Season preview in one sentence:Chamakh and Jovetic yet to perform to their heralded potential in the Kenna, so it looks like the treasurer will be relying on Cahill, Ramsey and Eriksen to better last season’s third place.
Season preview in one sentence: Accomplished back five – should Don Vito get a starting berth – but flimsy going forward and unlikely to be able to do it on a cold, wet Tuesday night in Stoke.
Ospina, D (TW2)
ARS
£ 6.00
Baines, L
EVE
£ 5.00
Vertonghen, J (TW2)
TOT
£ 10.00
Kolarov, A
MCY
£ 5.00
Terry, J
CHE
£ 17.00
Moses, V (TW1)
STO
£ 0.50
Sigurdsson, G
SWA
£ 10.00
Elia, E (TW2)
SOT
£ 2.00
Boyd, G (TW2)
BUR
£ 0.50
Austin, C (TW1)
QPR
£ 0.50
Sturridge, D (TW2)
LIV
£ 0.50
£ 96m
First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014
In
Richardson, K – defender, AVL – £5m
Moses, V – midfielder, STO – £0.5m
Tiote, C – midfielder, NEW – £0.5m
Austin, C – striker, QPR – £0.5m
Balotelli, M – striker, LIV – £1m
Out Jones, P – defender, MUN – £0.5m Markovic, L – midfielder, LIV – £0m Hoilett, J – midfielder, QPR – £0m Krkic, B – striker, STO – £0m Riviere, E – striker, NEW – £0m
Out Mannone, V – goalkeeper, SUN – £0m Richardson, K – defender, AVL – £0.5m Arteta, M – midfielder, ARS – £0m Tiote, C – midfielder, NEW – £0m Balotelli, M – striker, LIV – £0m
Season preview in one sentence: Still struggling to follow up an impressive debut three years ago, emerges from the auction with some agricultural defending, hotchpotch midfield options and Ivorians up front: lottery.
Heaton, T
BUR
£ 0.50
Shawcross, R
STO
£ 2.00
Moreno, A (TW1)
LIV
£ 13.00
Cresswell, A (TW2)
WHU
£ 8.00
Gibbs, K
ARS
£ 2.00
Colback, J (TW2)
NEW
£ 6.00
Silva, D
MCY
£ 25.00
Livermore, J (TW1)
HUL
£ 0.50
Mane, S (TW1)
SOT
£ 0.50
Defoe, J(TW2)
SUN
£ 15.00
Naismith, S (TW1)
EVE
£ 5.00
£ 81.50m
First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014
In
Moreno, A – defender, LIV – £13m
Livermore, J – midfielder, HUL – £0.50m
Mane, S – midfielder, SOT – £0.50
Naismith, S – striker, EVE – £5m
Out Stones, J – defender, EVE – £0m de Jong, S – midfielder, NEW – £0m Nzonzi, S – midfielder, STO – £0m Drogba, D – striker, CHE – £0m
Remaining budget: 9.5m
Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015
In
Cresswell, A – defender, WHU – £8m
Colback, J – midfielder, NEW – £6m
Defoe, J – striker, SUN – £15m
Season preview in one sentence: Returning to the Kenna after a season off, the manager has assembled a competent side most likely to be undone by squad rotation.
Forster, F
SOT
£ 0.50
Caulker, S
QPR
£ 4.00
Lescott, J
WBA
£ 2.00
Jenkinson, C
WHM
£ 4.00
van Aanholt, P (TW1)
SUN
£ 5.00
Bolasie, Y
CRY
£ 2.00
Milner, J (TW1)
MCY
£ 0.50
Willian
CHE
£ 8.00
di Maria, A (TW1)
MUN
£ 20.00
Lukaku, R
EVE
£ 10.00
Ulloa, L (TW1)
LEI
£ 9.00
£ 65.00m
First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014
In
van Aanholt, P – defender, SUN – £5m
Milner, J – midfielder, MCY – £0.5m
di Maria, A – midfielder, MUN – £20m
Ulloa, L – striker, LEI – £9m
Season preview in one sentence: Creativity in midfield, but severely limited striking options and the Scottish Cafu in defence will leave title challenge hopes stranded in the bush.
Mignolet, S
LIV
£ 6.00
Taylor, N
SWA
£ 0.50
Mangala, E
MCY
£ 0.50
Rosenior, L
HUL
£ 0.50
Hutton, A
AVL
£ 0.50
Barkley, R
EVE
£ 10.00
Oxlade-Chamberlain, A
ARS
£ 10.00
Hazard, E
CHE
£ 23.00
Amalfitano, M (TW2)
WHU
£ 0.50
Falcao, R (TW1)
MUN
£ 9.00
Cisse, P (TW1)
NEW
£ 8.00
£ 68.00m
First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014
In
Falcao – striker, MUN – £9m
Papiss Cisse – striker, NEW – £8m
Out Murray, G – striker, CRY – £0m Nugent, D – striker, LEI – £0m
