Management training

Vasco presentation
"...to be a successful manager you need skill, judgement, luck and not to be so far gone on auction night that you wake up the next day with Titus Bramble...especially now he's inside."

A little later than planned, last week’s scores are now available.

The table would’ve been up sooner, but the Chairman and Vasco boss were away on a management training course (in separate hotel rooms, mind).

Honoured to have been invited, the Vasco manager prepared a 30-minute PowerPoint presentation for the group entitled ‘Leading Your Team To Success’.

Unfortunately, the delegates did not share the Vasco manager’s enthusiasm for going through each week’s spreadsheet of the 2005/06 season, and he made a sharp exit before the crowd turned.

Luckily, the Chairman had already started the car.

Glory assured

Once this cursed international break is over, we’ll have definitely learned one thing: a team can be as comfortable in their fancy dan possession as they like, but to win matches a side doesn’t need the skill to string together more than three passes.

Certainly, the England team, in fact England as a whole, will now adopt this philosophy and full-scale frenzy will descend upon the country until they slink out of Poland and/or Ukraine after losing on penalties to a Republic of Ireland team who can string together just two passes.

If any Englishmen out there start thinking “Maybe we could just do it this….” Stop! Have a word with yourself. We haven’t done it for 46 years.

The tumbleweed will surface in the Sweden game.

Week 13 points
Week 13 points
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FC Testiculadew (first window)

Manager: Mr James Norris (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Everton

Szczesny, W ARS £2m
Kaboul, Y TOT £5.5m
O’Shea, J SUN £5.5m
Shorey, N WBA £0.5m
Clark, C AVL £0.5m
Mata, J CHE £31m
Dempsey, C FUL £5.5m
Fellaini, M EVE £4.5m
W-Phillips, S QPR £8m
Rooney, W MUN £28m
Dzeko, E MCY £5.5m
£96.5m
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Dynamo Charlton (first window)

Manager: Mr Alex Bass (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Charlton Athletic

Reina, P LIV £9m
Assou-Ekotto, B TOT £6.5m
Warnock, S AVL £14m
Kolarov, A MCY £0.5m
Alcaraz, A WIG £3.5m
Barton, J QPR £9m
Hoolahan, W NOR £3m
Hunt, S WLV £0.5m
Ramsey, A ARS £2m
Drogba, D CHE £18m
Wellbeck, D MUN £14m
£80m
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Hairy Fadjeetas (first window)

Manager: Mr Aiden Brisland (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Hennessey, W WLV £4m
Evans, J MUN £7.5m
Jagielka, P EVE £14.5m
Kelly, M LIV £2.5m
Givet, G BLR £3.5m
Etherington, M STO £12.5m
Lennon, A TOT £8.5m
Brunt, C WBA £6.5m
Asharvin, A ARS £10m
Torres, F CHE £27.5m
Klasnic, I BOL £1.5m
£98.5m
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Headless Chickens (first window)

Manager: Mr John Norris (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Liverpool

Mignolet, S SUN £6m
Huth, R STO £1m
Baird, C FUL £6m
Clichy, G MCY £8.5m
Johnson, R WLV £4.5m
Adam, C LIV £10m
Pedersen, M BLR £9m
Walcott, T ARS £17m
Parker, S TOT £6.5m
Long, S WBA £14m
Best, L NEW £16m
£98.5m
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Judaen Peoples’ Front (first window)

Manager: Mr Sholto Gilbertson (WAL)

Since: 2008

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Manchester United

Ruddy, J (B) NOR £0.5m
Williams, A SWA £2.5m
Gallas, W TOT £10m
Toure, K MCY £7m
Upson, M STO £4m
Cleverley, T MUN £7.5m
Duff, D FUL £8m
Derry, S QPR £1m
Ramires CHE £9.5m
van Persie, R ARS £38.5m
Bellamy, C LIV £0.5m
£89m
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Just Put Carles (first window)

Just Put Carles made no transfers in the first window

Manager: Mr Carles Duz (CAT)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Barcelona, Fulham

Cech, P CHE £20m
Wilson, M STO £0.5m
Ward, S WLV £0.5m
Robinson, P BOL £0.5m
Walker, K TOT £0.5m
Gerrard, S LIV £26.5m
Silva, D MCY £22m
Coleman, S EVE £2.5m
Anderson MUN £0.5m
Zamora, B FUL £15.5m
Chamakh, M ARS £1.5m
£90.5m
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Lokomotiv Leeds (first window)

Manager: Mr Ben Silver (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Leeds United

Foster, B WBA £4m
Skrtel, M LIV £18m
Samba, C BLR £9m
Simpson, D NEW £0.5m
Taylor, N SWA £0.5m
Bennett, E NOR £0.5m
Toure, Y MCY £16.5m
van der Vaart, R TOT £5m
Moses, V WIG £3m
Hernandez, J MUN £21m
Sturridge, D CHE £0.5m
£78.5m
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Newington Reds (first window)

Manager: Mr Ben Dudley (ENG)

Since: 2005 (founder member)

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Liverpool

Kenny, P QPR £0.5m
Shawcross, R STO £9m
Jones, P MUN £22m
Riise, J FUL £8m
Vermaelen, T ARS £3m
Downing, S LIV £16m
N’Zogbia, C AVL £0.5m
Nasri, S MCY £18m
Sinclair, S SWA £1.5m
Ba, D NEW £11m
Rodallega, H WIG £0.5m
£90m
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Pikey Scum (first window)

Manager: Mr Jack Bowley

Since: 2005 (founder member)

Trophy cabinet: Cup at some point

Sympathies: Spurs

Begovic, A STO £0.5m
Evra, P MUN £18.5m
Johnson, G LIV £0.5m
Richards, M MCY £8.5m
Santos, A ARS £0.5m
Bannan, B AVL £6.5m
Gutierrez, J NEW £2.5m
Eagles, C BOL £1.5m
Meireles, R CHE £0.5m
Adebayor, E TOT £43m
Bendtner, N SUN £13m
£95.5m
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