Charles nzogbia – The Jeff Kenna League

Sporting Lesbian

Manager: Ben M (Cumbria)

Since: Debut

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: The Beverly Hills Cop theme

Outlook: Picked up the auction’s bargain Sergio Aguero for £12m, although devastating capabilities of the front two may be curtailed by casual racism. Very creative in midfield, but yet to be seen if Charles N’Somnia wakes up this term. No Brambles.

Foster, B	WBA	£6.5m
Gibbs, K	ARS	£15m
Santon, D	NEW	£4m
Wilson, M	STO	£2m
Figueroa, M	WIG	£0.5m
Diame, M	WHM	£10m
Ramirez, G	SOT	£5.5m
Holtby, L	TOT	£19m
Michu	SWA	£2.5m
Suarez, L	LIV	£36m
Aguero, S	MCY	£12m
	Total	£113m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out			In
Granero, E	QPR	£5.5m	Diame, M	WHM	£10m
Sandro	TOT	£0.5m	Holtby, L	TOT	£19m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out			In
Sessegnon, S	SUN	£13m	Granero, E	QPR	£16m
N’Zogbia, C	AVL	£6.5m	Ramirez, G	SOT	£5.5m
Marin, M	CHE	£0.5m	Sandro	TOT	£0.5m

Judean Peoples’ Front (second window)

Manager: Mr Sholto Gilbertson (WAL)

Since: 2008

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Manchester United

Ruddy, J (B)	NOR	£0.5m
Heitinga, J	EVE	£8m
Gallas, W	TOT	£10m
Toure, K	MCY	£7m
Upson, M	STO	£4m
Scholes, P	MUN	£0.5m
Duff, D	FUL	£8m
N’Zogbia, C	AVL	£0.5m
Ramires	CHE	£9.5m
van Persie, R	ARS	£38.5m
Bellamy, C	LIV	£0.5m
		£87m

They think it’s all Ober…it is now!

Crash and burn — Ober and out: Gabriel's wings have been clipped

A strike in the seventh minute of stoppage time was not enough to keep Gabriel Obertan at Thieving Magpies.

The French midfielder scored one of six goals this week for the beleaguered club to catapult them out of the relegation zone for the first time since November.

Fellow Magpie Darren Pratley notched his first of the season too, but both players had the hangover from hell when the manager handed them their P45s the next day.

“It’s just too little, too late and to be honest, after buying Obertan in a phone bid, his contribution to the club hasn’t paid back the cost of the UK evening call,” said the ‘Pies gaffer while waiting until 7pm to call Karl Henry’s agent.

Another French, midefield, goal-scoring casualty this week was Charles N’Somnia.

The Newington Reds boss jettisoned the playmaker just hours before he netted his first of the term.

“Luckily there’s a lot of high-class talent out there to be signed,” said the Reds manager before meeting Youssouf Mulumbu for lunch at Subway.