IN MEMORY of legendary sports commentator Sid Waddell each manager has selected their own ‘darts music’.
From the sea shanty of Spartak Mogadishu to the FC Testiculadew ACDC classic, the leitmotifs are choices for the entrance music managers would have into the competitive arena of professional darts, where Sid plied his so eloquent trade.
“Nothing could show more athletic intent than a slightly overweight, middle-aged man awkwardly walking into a room full of delirious drunks to a floor filler,” said the Chairman, quietly impressed by Simon ‘The Wizard of Oz’ Whitlock’s entourage.
After the Fabio affair there were murmurs that the league administration were about as much use as Anne Frank’s drum kit, but Kenna HQ have utterly redeemed themselves by introducing arrows to the table to show movement from week to week.
The Kenna Pump
- £38m Wayne Rooney faces a month on the sidelines with injury. “We’re not in crisis, we’ve still got Gervinho,” said the manager of crisis club Greendale Rockets.
- £21m Clint Dempsey was left out of action again on the weekend. “He’s lost his head,” said the Headless Chickens boss.
- £4.5m winger Adam Johnson might actually play a game this season after moving to Wearside. “I bought Glenn Johnson too, surely one of them will do something,” said the Piedmonte manager.
- £3m former Bramble player Angel Rangel looks like one of the buys of the season. “I only signed him so I could say his name all the time,” chortled the Newington Reds gaffer.
Kenna table
Weekly scores
| This week | ||||
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 51 | 4 |
| 2 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 43 | 3 |
| 3 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 36 | 2 |
| 4 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 36 | 1 |
| 5 | FC Testicluadew | James N | 34 | 2 |
| 6 | Wandsworth Window Lickers | Will | 32 | 3 |
| 7 | Piedmonte | Phil | 30 | 2 |
| 8 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 27 | 2 |
| 9 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 27 | 2 |
| 10 | Judean Peoples’ Front | Sholto | 24 | 1 |
| 11 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 23 | 2 |
| 12 | Headless Chickens | John N | 21 | 0 |
| 13 | Vasco De Beauvoir | Stix | 19 | 0 |
| 14 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 18 | 0 |
| 15 | Greendale Rockets | Stu | 16 | 0 |
| 16 | Just put Carles | Carles | 16 | 0 |
| 17 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 15 | 0 |
| 18 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 15 | 0 |
| 19 | Woking | Mike | 10 | 0 |
| 20 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 8 | 0 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 21 | Hazard, E – CHE – MID | ||
| Club | Hairy Fadjeetas | |||
