essien – The Jeff Kenna League

Fireworks — Pocket rocket: Balotelli produced the goods

Polonia Forsyth has always been a team associated with grinding, but this week they finally ground into action.

Overwhelmed by the flair of Mario Balotelli, the Polonia manager was figuratively lit up like a Christmas tree in Sunday’s post-match interview.

“There’s always fireworks when Mario’s around,” she sighed. “He’s got a short fuse but really rose to the occasion. He can set fire to my towels any day.”

There was further welcome news for the Polonia boss this week, who decision to rest her star defender Vidic after his comeback from injury spared him a six-goal drubbing.

The club jettisoned deadwood Fabianski and Essien in the transfer window.

Rodallega also left the club, but was snapped up by third-placed Newington Reds.

Kenna HQ will publish updated transfer window team sheets this week.

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Whiskey — Early doors: how will managers handle 'drop zone' pressure?

Three managers will be reaching for the bottle in their bottom drawer a little earlier today as the Kenna table now contains a ‘relegation zone’.

Quite what will happen to managers who face the drop is unclear, so rumours abound.

“Here at Kenna HQ we have a long-term plan to introduce more statistics into the league,” said the Chairman in a corporate Betamax video filmed on the Norfolk Broads. “We want to make managers’ careers more transparent.

“We’re also looking at various options, but I think the possibility is emerging that those in the relegation zone at the end of the season will have to come back at the helm of another club next year….(cough, cough)…and pay an increased entry fee.”

One club currently under pressure is Polonia Forsyth.

The manager’s unorthodox man management methods drew a lot of profile to the club last season.

Local reports claim that the manager has divided her time between Michael Essien’s physio table and pining for the talents of Johan Elmander, and so the team’s performances have slipped.

“These rumours are totally unfounded,” said the Polonia manager, emerging from her office with a framed photo of the club’s top scorer last season and wearing a Black Stars shirt.

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Tag: essien

Balotelli fires up Polonia boss

Bottom pressure