WOKING emerged from the transfer window in the unsavoury spotlight of the match fixing allegations sweeping Europe.
The struggling club’s truly lacklustre debut season left Europol with little doubt that an Asian betting syndicate must be involved.
Handed the Bramble jersey at Friday night’s transfer window for being last-placed in the Kenna League, the Woking manager insisted there was nothing fishy going on at the club.
“I’ve just been unlucky in the transfer market,” said the Woking boss, who only has Leighton Baines left from his original eleven in August. “Who are Europol anyway? They sound like something from a second-rate sci-fi movie. What are they doing to do? Come after me with Judge Dread and Commander Worf?”
However, the European Union’s law enforcement agency dropped the charges soon after discovering that, amongst other glaring examples of tactical shortsightedness, Shane Long had scored just hours after being ditched by the Woking manager.
Rob Wainwright, director of Europol, said: “Having investigated Woking in more detail we’ve come the conclusion that the manger’s ineptitude excuses him of any wrongdoing. He’s bought Stewart Downing, for crying out loud.”
League table
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | Piedmonte | Phil | 50 | 4 |
| 2 | Wandsworth Window Lickers | Will | 39 | 2 |
| 3 | Vasco De Beauvoir | Stix | 36 | 2 |
| 4 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 34 | 1 |
| 5 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 33 | 2 |
| 6 | Judean Peoples’ Front | Sholto | 33 | 0 |
| 7 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 30 | 3 |
| 8 | Just put Carles | Carles | 30 | 1 |
| 9 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 28 | 2 |
| 10 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 26 | 2 |
| 11 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 26 | 1 |
| 12 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 23 | 0 |
| 13 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 21 | 0 |
| 14 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 20 | 1 |
| 15 | Woking | Mike | 20 | 0 |
| 16 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 19 | 1 |
| 17 | FC Testicluadew | James N | 18 | 0 |
| 18 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 16 | 0 |
| 19 | Headless Chickens | John N | 15 | 0 |
| 20 | Greendale Rockets | Stu | 13 | 1 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 12 | Fellaini, M – EVE – MID | ||
| Club | Wandsworth Window Lickers |
