fantasy football – Page 17 – The Jeff Kenna League

Pikey Scum 2018/19

Manager: Jack (Hampshire)

Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)

Home ground: South Hackney Caravan Park

Training facility: Any patch of grass that riles local residents

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2008, Narcozep Cup winner 2016, Kenna League champions 2017/18, Claudio Caniggia World Cup 2006 winner (under review), Dmitri Kharine 2018 World Cup 2018 winner

Form
2005/06 – 7th
2007/08 – 8th
2008/09 – 8th
2009/10 – 7th
2010/11 – 5th
2011/12 – 7th
2012/13 – 15th
2013/14 – 5th
2014/15 – 13th
2015/16 – 6th
2016/17 – 18th
2017/18 – 1st

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts music: I’m A Pikey – Enrique Iglesias

Second transfer window – February 2019

Starting budget: £27m
Spend: £1.5m
Player sales:
Remaining budget:

Patricio, R	WLV	£5.00
Schindler, C	HUD	£0.50
Walker, K	MCY	£17.00
Clyne, N (TW2)	BOU	£0.50
Klavan, R (TW2)	LIV	£0.50
Walcott, T	EVE	£6.00
Iwobi, A	ARS	£0.50
Lanzini, M (TW2)	WHM	£0.50
Kante, N	CHE	£0.50
Kane, H	TOT	£40.00
Mitrovic, A	FUL	£22.00
		£93.00

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £17m
Spend: N/A
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £17m

Patricio, R	WLV	£5.00
Schindler, C	HUD	£0.50
Walker, K	MCY	£17.00
Darmian, M	MUN	£0.50
Ward, S	BUR	£0.50
Walcott, T	EVE	£6.00
Iwobi, A	ARS	£0.50
Ox-Chamberlain, A	LIV	£0.50
Kante, N	CHE	£0.50
Kane, H	TOT	£40.00
Mitrovic, A	FUL	£22.00
		£93.00

Auction XI

Patricio, R	WLV	£5.00
Schindler, C	HUD	£0.50
Walker, K	MCY	£17.00
Darmian, M	MUN	£0.50
Ward, S	BUR	£0.50
Walcott, T	EVE	£6.00
Iwobi, A	ARS	£0.50
Ox-Chamberlain, A	LIV	£0.50
Kante, N	CHE	£0.50
Kane, H	TOT	£40.00
Mitrovic, A	FUL	£22.00
		£93.00

FC Testiculadew 2018/19

‘Tache: The FC Testiculadew manager

Manager: James N (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011

Home ground: Scrotrot Street

Training facility: The Death Star

Trophy cabinet: 2013/14 and 2011/12 league and cup double, 2014 Emerson World Cup winner

Form
2011/12 – 1st
2012/13 – 2nd
2013/14 – 1st
2014/15 – 7th
2015/16 – 8th
2016/17 – 2nd
2017/18 – 14th

Sympathies: Everton

Darts music: The Imperial March (Family Guy elevator remix)

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £15.5m
Spend: £8m
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £7.5m

Arrizabalaga, K	CHE	£14.00
Otto, J (TW1)	WLV	£8.00
Mina, Y	EVE	£0.50
Zabaleta, P	WHM	£0.50
Mee, B	BUR	£4.00
Meyer, M	CRY	£0.50
Ozil, M	ARS	£21.00
Elyounoussi, M	SOT	£0.50
Gundogan, I	MCY	£3.00
Lukaku, R	MUN	£41.00
Iheanacho, K	LEI	£6.50
		£98.50

Auction XI

Arrizabalaga, K	CHE	£14.00
Clyne, N	LIV	£3.00
Mina, Y	EVE	£0.50
Zabaleta, P	WHM	£0.50
Mee, B	BUR	£4.00
Meyer, M	CRY	£0.50
Ozil, M	ARS	£21.00
Elyounoussi, M	SOT	£0.50
Gundogan, I	MCY	£3.00
Lukaku, R	MUN	£41.00
Iheanacho, K	LEI	£6.50
		£94.50

Technical issues plague Kenna auction

TECHNICAL issues at the world’s leading London pub-based fantasy football auction saw the league descend in chaos.

A total of 27 appeals were made by managers following the annual, pre-season Kenna League auction as charts and graphs recorded sales incorrectly.

“The hand of the chairman was swift, resolute and had just the right amount of wrist in handling appeals after the auction,” read a press release from Kenna HQ in the aftermath of the appeals process, which saw the technical issues quickly rectified.

An unprecedented 24 managers entered the Kenna League, with many teams were left unfilled after more than five hours of bidding.

“Clusterfuck. It was a total clusterfuck,” said the vice chairman afterwards.

“Nowhere near as well organised as the Kharine auction in the summer,” where I spiked everyone with letters to paper over my administrative cracks, he failed to add.

Rumours abound Kenna HQ will be testing a timed transfer window in October, where after a certain time all bidding will finish and gaps in teams will be auto filled.

On the pitch, Cowley Casuals lead the Kenna after two weeks, Benjamin Mendy (£26m), Callum Wilson (£10m) and James Maddison (£9m) all enjoying productive starts to the campaign.

The 27 appeals

Zohore to Test Team for 0.5m
Neves to the Chairman for 17m
Valencia, Lanzini and Izquierdo to Clotted Cream for 0.5m each
Adjust value of PVA in Silver’s team to 5m
Harold Shipman moves from defence to striker for Young Boys
Gomez’ value changed to 0.5m for Young Boys
Rudiger in defence for Young Boys for 15m
Clyne to Tottenham Network Solutions for 3m – NOT UPHELD
FCT defence: Mee 4m, Mina 0.5m, Clyne 3m, Zabaleta 0.5m
FCT midfield: Gundog 3m, Meyer (Palace) 0.5m, Elyounoussi 0.5m, Ozil 21m
FCT strikers: Ihenacho 0.5m, Lukaku 41m
Eriksen to Don’t Know Yet for 29m.
Reopening bid for Aubameyang – NOT UPHELD
Duplicate Robertson to be removed from Reds
Treasurer signs Matt Doherty (DF, WLV) and Deulofeu for 0.5m each
Sporting Lesbians sign Chilwell for 3m
Piss Poor sign Lingard for 19m
Fadges sign Aurier for 0.5m rather than 2m
Craven Cottaging sign Mane for 29m and Alli for 25m
Dulwich Red Sox sign Ashley Young for 5m
Dulwich Red Sox sign Aaron Ramsey for 6m
Ross Barkley now a free agent (previously for Dulwich Red Sox)
Newington Reds sign Kenedy for 0.5m
Newington Reds sign Glenn Murray for 0.5m
Newington Reds sign Andre Gray for 0.5m
Treasurer signs Willian for 0.5m
Treasurer signs Lucas Perez for 0.5m

Kenna League – week 2

Full scores available from The Rub.

Kenna week 2 - 21 August 2018 — Kenna week 2 – 21 August 2018

Kenna League – week 1

Kenna week 1 - 14 August 2018 — Kenna week 1 – 14 August 2018

Thieving Magpies 2018/19

England till he dies: ‘Pies manager

Manager: Phil (Wolverhampton)

Twitter name: @PhillyD55

Since: 2005 (co founder)

Home ground: Tinfoil Street

Training facility: The Wheelbarrow

Trophy cabinet: 2016/17 league winner

Form
2005/06 – 3rd
2006/07 – 2nd
2007/08 – 11th
2008/09 – 5th
2009/10 – 11th
2010/11 – 7th
2011/12 – 18th (relegated)
2012/13 – 4th
2013/14 – 2nd
2014/15 – 14th
2015/16 – 9th
2016/17 – 1st
2017/18 – 9th

Sympathies: Notts County

Darts music: The Great Escape – the England Band

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £10m
Spend: N/A
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £10m

Pickford, J	EVE	£11.00
Alonso, M	CHE	£17.00
Boly, W	WLV	£4.00
Kabasele, C	WAT	£4.00
Yoshida, M	SOT	£1.00
Martial, A	MUN	£10.00
Shaqiri, X	LIV	£6.00
Fraser, R	BOU	£2.00
Reid, B	CAR	£2.00
Jesus, G	MCY	£29.00
Benteke, C	CRY	£14.00
		£100.00

Auction XI

Pickford, J	EVE	£11.00
Alonso, M	CHE	£17.00
Boly, W	WLV	£4.00
Kabasele, C	WAT	£4.00
Yoshida, M	SOT	£1.00
Martial, A	MUN	£10.00
Shaqiri, X	LIV	£6.00
Fraser, R	BOU	£2.00
Reid, B	CAR	£2.00
Jesus, G	MCY	£29.00
Benteke, C	CRY	£14.00
		£100.00

Judean Peoples’ Front 2018/19

Cold-blooded killer: The Judean Peoples’ Front manager

Manager: Sholto (Wales)

Twitter name: @sholtoGH

Since: 2008

Home ground: Wetsuit Way

Training facility: The Island

Trophy cabinet: empty

Form
2007/08 – 11th
2009/10 – 6th
2011/12 – 9th
2012/13 – 3rd
2013/14 – 4th
2014/15 – 5th
2015/16 – 15th
2016/17 – 20th (relegated)
2017/18 – 17th

Sympathies: Manchester United

Darts music: Dr Dre – Bang Bang

Second transfer window – February 2019

Starting budget: £13m
Spend: £0.5m
Player sales:
Remaining budget:

McCarthy, A	SOT	£1.00
Sanchez, D	TOT	£5.00
Bennett, R (TW1)	WLV	£0.50
Sakho, M	CRY	£3.00
Bong, G	BTN	£2.00
de Bruyne, K	MCY	£36.00
Albrighton, M	LEI	£2.00
Pogba, P	MUN	£25.00
Yarmolenko, A	WHM	£7.00
Perez, A	NEW	£8.00
Ayew, J (TW2)	CRY	£0.50
		£90.00

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £17m
Spend: £14.5m
Player sales: £0.5m (Dejan Lovren to Cowley Casuals)
Remaining budget: £3m

McCarthy, A	SOT	£1.00
Sanchez, D	TOT	£5.00
Bennett, R (TW1)	WLV	£0.50
Sakho, M	CRY	£3.00
Bong, G	BTN	£2.00
de Bruyne, K	MCY	£36.00
Albrighton, M	LEI	£2.00
Pogba, P	FUL	£25.00
Yarmolenko, A	WHM	£7.00
Perez, A	NEW	£8.00
Ward, D (TW1)	CAR	£14.00
		£79.00

Auction XI

McCarthy, A	SOT	£1.00
Sanchez, D	TOT	£5.00
Lovren, D	LIV	£5.00
Sakho, M	CRY	£3.00
Moses, V	CHE	£0.50
de Bruyne, K	MCY	£36.00
Albrighton, M	LEI	£2.00
Pogba, P	FUL	£25.00
Yarmolenko, A	WHM	£7.00
Perez, A	NEW	£8.00
Niasse, O	EVE	£0.50
		£93.00

Dulwich Red Sox 2018/19

Manager: Luke (Shropshire)

Twitter name: @Joneseyla

Since: 2011

Home ground: Dulwich Common

Training facility: Winter Wonderland

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Form
2011/12 – 13th
2013/14 – 22nd (relegated)

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: Rat Rapping – Roland Rat (featuring Kevin the Hamster)

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £29.5m
Spend: N/A
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £29.5m

Bravo, C	MCY	£0.50
Yedlin, D	NEW	£5.00
Bardsley, P	BUR	£0.50
Young, A	MUN	£5.00
Cahill, G	CHE	£0.50
Salah, M	LIV	£44.00
Richarlison	EVE	£16.00
Moura, L	TOT	£12.00
Ramsey, A	ARS	£6.00
Long, S	SOT	£0.50
Jimenez, R	WLV	£0.50
		£90.50

Auction XI

Bravo, C	MCY	£0.50
Yedlin, D	NEW	£5.00
Bardsley, P	BUR	£0.50
Young, A	MUN	£5.00
Cahill, G	CHE	£0.50
Salah, M	LIV	£44.00
Richarlison	EVE	£16.00
Moura, L	TOT	£12.00
Ramsey, A	ARS	£6.00
Long, S	SOT	£0.50
Jimenez, R	WLV	£0.50
		£90.50

Dynamo Charlton 2018/19

Manager: Alex (Surrey)

Twitter name: @alexbass75

Since: 2011

Home ground: The Dynamic Valley

Training facility: Stone Lake

Trophy cabinet: Olisadebe Euro 2012 winner

Form
2011/12 – 6th
2012/13 – 6th
2013/14 – 12th
2014/15 – 15th
2015/16 – 4th
2016/17 – 15th
2017/18 – 10th

Sympathies: Charlton Athletic

Darts music: The Gladiators TV theme

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £82.5m
Spend: £17m
Player sales: £0.5m (Chicharito to Bala Rinas)
Remaining budget: £66m

Foster, B	WAT	£10.00
Dalot, D	MUN	£0.50
Kolasinac, S	ARS	£0.50
Jorgensen, M	HUD	£0.50
Cook, S	BOU	£0.50
Pedro	CHE	£13.00
Moutinho, J	WLV	£5.00
Wijnaldum, G	LIV	£5.00
Jahanbakhsh, A	BTN	£0.50
Tosun, C	EVE	£26.00
Vokes, S (TW1)	BUR	£17.00
		£78.50

Auction XI

Foster, B	WAT	£10.00
Dalot, D	MUN	£0.50
Kolasinac, S	ARS	£0.50
Jorgensen, M	HUD	£0.50
Cook, S	BOU	£0.50
Pedro	CHE	£13.00
Moutinho, J	WLV	£5.00
Wijnaldum, G	LIV	£5.00
Jahanbakhsh, A	BTN	£0.50
Tosun, C	EVE	£26.00
Hernandez, J	WHM	£11.00
		£72.50

Cowley Casuals 2018/19

Stu manager pic — Buckets of potential: The Cowley Casuals manager

Manager: Stu (Wolverhampton)

Twitter name: @sfinch100

Since: 2012

Home ground: Ground Zero Hours

Training facility: The Agency

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winners 2015

Form
2012/13 – 17th
2013/14 – did not enter
2014/15 – 2nd
2015/16 – 12th
2016/17 – 7th
2017/18 – 16th

Sympathies: Wolves

Darts music: Menergy – Patrick Cowley

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £13m
Spend: £1.5m
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: 11.5m

Gunn, A	SOT	£0.50
Luiz, D	CHE	£10.00
Mendy, B	MCY	£26.00
Lovren, D (TW1)	LIV	£0.50
Jones, P (TW1)	MUN	£0.50
Jota, D	WLV	£16.00
Maddison, J	LEI	£9.00
Cairney, T	FUL	£10.00
Gomes, A (TW1)	EVE	£0.50
Wilson, C	BOU	£10.00
Deeney, T	WAT	£1.00
		£97.00

Auction XI

Gunn, A	SOT	£0.50
Luiz, D	CHE	£10.00
Mendy, B	MCY	£26.00
Lichtsteiner, S	ARS	£2.00
Fredericks, R	WHM	£0.50
Jota, D	WLV	£16.00
Maddison, J	LEI	£9.00
Cairney, T	FUL	£10.00
Fred	MUN	£12.00
Wilson, C	BOU	£10.00
Deeney, T	WAT	£1.00
		£97.00

Bala Rinas 2018/19

Manager: Lewis (Wales)

Twitter name: @jsl105

Since: 2007 (committee member – league treasurer)

Home ground: Bala Park

Training facility: Tutu Lake

Trophy cabinet: empty

Form
2007/08 – 12th (relegated)
2011/12 – 8th
2012/13 – 13th
2013/14 – 3rd
2014/15 – 3rd
2015/16 – 3rd
2016/17 – 9th
2017/18 – 19th

Sympathies: Wrexham

Darts music: C.R.E.A.M. – Wu Tang Clan

Second transfer window – February 2019

Starting budget: £106m
Spend: £2m
Player sales:
Remaining budget:

Moraes, E	MCY	£14.00
Doherty, M	WLV	£5.00
Shaw, L	MUN	£0.50
Zouma, K	EVE	£0.50
Lichtsteiner, S (TW2)	ARS	£0.50
Deulofeu, G	WAT	£0.50
Willian	CHE	£0.50
Milner, J	LIV	£0.50
Dier, E	TOT	£0.50
Hernandez, J	WHM	£0.50
Gabbiadini, M	SOT	£0.50
		£23.50

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £86.5m
Spend: £1.5m
Player sales: £11m (Joselu to Lokomotiv Leeds)
Remaining budget: £96m

Moraes, E	MCY	£14.00
Doherty, M	WLV	£5.00
Shaw, L	MUN	£0.50
Zouma, K	EVE	£0.50
Holding, R (TW1)	ARS	£0.50
Deulofeu, G	WAT	£0.50
Willian	CHE	£0.50
Milner, J	LIV	£0.50
Dier, E	TOT	£0.50
Hernandez, J (TW1)	WHM	£0.50
Gabbiadini, M (TW1)	SOT	£0.50
		£23.50

Auction XI

Moraes, E	MCY	£14.00
Doherty, M	WLV	£5.00
Shaw, L	MUN	£0.50
Zouma, K	EVE	£0.50
Balogun, L	BTN	£0.50
Deulofeu, G	WAT	£0.50
Willian	CHE	£0.50
Milner, J	LIV	£0.50
Dier, E	TOT	£0.50
Perez, L	WHM	£0.50
Joselu	NEW	£0.50
		£23.50

Fat Ladies 2018/19

Fat Ladies manager picture — Pies the limit: The Fat Ladies manager

Manager: Ted (Coventry)

Twitter name: @haggerstontimes

Since: 2005 (co-founder)

Home ground: Haggerston Park

Training facility: Kingsland Road

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2007/08

Form
2005/06 – 5th
2007/08 – 4th
2008/09 – 1st
2009/10 – 12th (relegated)
2014/15 – 19th (relegated)

Sympathies: Coventry, Manchester United

Darts music: Single Ladies – Beyonce

Second transfer window – February 2019

Starting budget: £23.5m
Spend: £1.5m
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget:

Rico, S	FUL	£2.00
Vertonghen, J	TOT	£16.00
van Dijk, V	LIV	£22.00
Laporte, A	MCY	£0.50
Soares, C (TW2)	SOT	£0.50
Hazard, E	CHE	£26.00
Suarez, D (TW2)	ARS	£0.50
Townsend, A (TW1)	CRY	£0.50
Fred (TW2)	MUN	£0.50
Mounie, S	HUD	£1.00
Vardy, J	LEI	£26.00
		£95.50

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £14.5m
Spend: £1m
Player sales: N/A
Remaining budget: £13.5m

Rico, S	FUL	£2.00
Vertonghen, J	TOT	£16.00
van Dijk, V	LIV	£22.00
Laporte, A	MCY	£0.50
Baines, L	EVE	£0.50
Hazard, E	CHE	£26.00
Fellaini, M (TW1)	MUN	£0.50
Townsend, A (TW1)	CRY	£0.50
Defour, S	BUR	£0.50
Mounie, S	HUD	£1.00
Vardy, J	LEI	£26.00
		£95.50

Auction XI

Rico, S	FUL	£2.00
Vertonghen, J	TOT	£16.00
van Dijk, V	LIV	£22.00
Laporte, A	MCY	£0.50
Baines, L	EVE	£0.50
Hazard, E	CHE	£26.00
Puncheon, J	CRY	£0.50
Herrera, A	MUN	£0.50
Defour, S	BUR	£0.50
Mounie, S	HUD	£1.00
Vardy, J	LEI	£26.00
		£95.50